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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lionheart Offline
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Breakup advice? - June 20th 2016, 10:39 AM

Hey, it's me again.

I've been together with my girlfriend for a bit more than 4 month now and while I thought we could work it out, I don't think so anymore.
They say opposits attract and maybe they do but they definitely don't function in a relationship.
I really like her and I love being around her and there's so many wonderfull things about her, but it's just unbearable...
Like, we constantly fight, she gives me the silent treatment for days without me even knowing why the hell she does it and then it's because someone said something to her that made her think I don't like her and stuff like that. We can't get over the fact that I'm asexuall and she's not and I need space while she wants to get closer and it's just everything. Like, everything I do is a mistake and stuff.
If I was stronger, more selfconfident and stuff, maybe it could still work out. But I'm not and we can't even really talk to each other about this shit, because she wants me to basicly read her mind and I'm super scared of making myself vulnerable by actually showing emotions and I sure as hell can't read minds...

and well it's just not gonna work out. I'm super frustrated and sick of crying and all I want is for things to go back to how they were before. Us just being good friends.
Not gonna happen though, because she already said she won't be able to simply go back to before if we break up....
But I really don't want this anymore. I'm sick of relationships. Like, I don't want one ever again. I've succesfully profen, that I'm incapable to be a good partner with all the mistakes I always make...

Sorry for the small rant but anyway...
I'm planning to break up with her. Like, I will definitely go see her and do it face to face, because even if we currently communicate via textmessage and she mostly ignores me, I'm not an asshole and she deserves better than being broken up via text message.
Though I've never broken up before, so like, has anyone any advice on how to go about this? Like, if she cries shall I hug her or better not touch her at all? And is it mean to tell her I still want to be friends if I know she doesn't?


It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

   
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Re: Breakup advice? - June 20th 2016, 12:44 PM

Hey there, first off, you shouldn't tell yourself that you're incapable of being a good partner. It's probably just that you wre always with the wrong person, someone who isn't compatible with you in the context of a romantic relationship. Also, everyone makes mistakes. Constantly.
As for how you should break up with her, you just have to tell it to her how it is... start by saying that you do care for her, but that it's just not working out, that you don't think you two are compatible as a couple and that you think it's best that you break up. It's gonna be hard whatever way you do it, so you might as well be completely honest with her.

Best of luck!


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Re: Breakup advice? - June 21st 2016, 04:14 AM

Hey there,

I definitely don't think that you should be saying that you are incapable of being in a relationship and are always making mistakes. It seems more likely that you just aren't in a relationship with someone who is compatible with you and it is causing you two to have some issues. And, honestly, everyone makes mistakes in their relationship and in life in general.

I think you are making an informed decision about breaking up with her. You have outlined all the reasons why you feel it would be best and I think that is good because it shows that you have been thinking about this.

I think it's also a good thing that you want to break up with her in person. I think, in general, that breaking up with someone face to face is the best way to go about it.

Now, I can't give you a lot of advice on breaking up with her because I've never actually had to break up with someone. But, I do think that you should try and be considerate and caring when you go about it. Let her know how much you care about her but then outline all the reasons that the relationship isn't working. You can definitely tell her that you still want to be friends. If she is unwilling to do that then that is up to her. But, bringing it up will give you an idea of where you two stand. She might not be willing to continue being friends right off the bat but once you two are broken up for a while that could change. Lastly, I don't see anything wrong with hugging her if that is what she wants. You can ask her if it's alright to hug because then you are giving her permission to say no and you are not stepping in on her boundaries.

I hope that this helped and if you need anything feel free to message me.


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Re: Breakup advice? - June 30th 2016, 12:19 PM

Hey guys,

I just wanted to say thanks. You advice helped me a lot! Like, I felt sure enough to actually bring it up. Though we are still together.
I told her I've been thinking about breaking up and we talked about stuff (she finaly talks to me again ) and I just can't break up. Like, if I see her smile it reminds me of all the good things about her and why I like her so much and we talked and kinda agreed to work even more on our difficulties. And I just hope that now we will kinda work it out.


It's ok to give in to an urge or make a mistake. You are only human and we all have our flaws. We all have our weak moments and we all make mistakes. Thats what makes us human.
Thats what makes us unique and beautiful

Courage isn't always a loud roar. Sometimes it is a quiet whisper at the end of a day saying: Tomorrow I will try it again!

   
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Lelola Offline
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Re: Breakup advice? - July 2nd 2016, 06:07 PM

If you can afford it, maybe couples counseling to work on better ways to communicate. Silent treatment for days doesn't work.
   
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