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Redneckhick Offline
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Question Help!!!! - July 29th 2019, 05:52 PM

So about three or four months ago I broke up with my ex who was abusive. He didn't respect the word no but he never sexually assulted me. He would grope and touch me to sexual for comfort but never raped me. He would grip my shoulders and thighs hard enough to leave bruises and tried to control me and the way I walk talk and act. Keep in mind I am a 15 year old raised in a christian household. But even thinking about dating or even just talking to another guy my anxiety spikes and I get scared. I am a strong redneck raised to hold my own but in these situations I freeze and I think so far ahead into the future. I guess you can say i'm unrealistic I still believe in dates and holding hands, meeting the family, and honestly as Conway Twitty wrote I want a man with a slow hand, a lover with an easy touch, somebody who will spend some time not come and go in a heated rush. But I get made fun of because of my wants. I want that perfect first time not just some random fuck but I can't even think about talking to a guy without fearing that he may turn out like my ex. What do I do?
   
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Re: Help!!!! - July 30th 2019, 09:01 PM

The best advice I can give is to hold your own. It doesn't matter what people think. You know what kind of a relationship and a first time you want and that's perfectly valid. Just because they want to do it differently than you doesn't mean the way you want to do it is wrong.

I know where you're coming from. Recovering from an abusive relationship is incredibly tough work, mentally, emotionally, and physically, and I am so sorry you had to encounter someone like that, especially at such a young age. My hope is that you don't let it define you. It makes sense why you'd be scared to talk to guys. Talking to someone is hard enough without the fears that they'll turn out to be like your ex. But you deserve better. My suggestion would be to take some time to yourself and figure out what it is you want not just from a boy, but from yourself. How do you want a relationship to make you feel about yourself? What do you have to contribute to one? What are your strengths? How can you bring those to the table? What are your weaknesses? How can you best handle those and take responsibility for them in the relationship? How can you let them help you grow, both as an individual and as a couple?

I would also suggest trying to focus on the present and be mindful in social interactions. Focus on the conversation that's happening, not on what could happen in the future, if he likes you as more than a friend, etc. Take things as they come and roll with them. It's best if things occur naturally, and that means being in the moment. I don't mean getting caught UP in the moment- it's important to have boundaries. But listen to what he's saying and respond to that. Speak from your heart when it's your turn to talk. If you do that things will fall into place.

Good luck and PM me if you need anything else.


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