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Question I have a crush on my Genderfluid friend - February 4th 2020, 02:36 AM

So Iíve been friends with this person for seven years, and I always kind of thought I liked them, I knew I was bi and I told them that.. and then they came out to be as genderfluid and pan and now I donít know If Iím also pan? Also I donít even know if they like me or not. Iím getting signs from them, like cuddling at sleepovers and we hold hands when we walk.
And then their brother kind of jokingly asked if we had crushes on each other and I said no, but I really regret saying that because what if they like me back? Anyway thereís a lot of issues to this dilemma, but if anyone has any advice, that would be greatly appreciated, cause I donít know what to do thanks!
   
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Re: I have a crush on my Genderfluid friend - February 5th 2020, 02:42 AM

I don't think you have to identify as pan if that doesn't resonate with you. It's perfectly fine to be identify as bisexual even if the range of people your attracted to fall outside of a cisgender male/female binary. Pansexual is simply one way to make it clear that your attracted to men and women, nonbinary and genderfluid folks, and trans folks, etc... but it doesn't mean that bisexual people have to limit themselves to only cisgender folks. So I'll ask you this: Are you still attracted to this person? If so, I think you have your answer. Regardless of the label you pick, you like them.

I think it's time to communicate with them. Tell them that you're sorry that you told their brother that you aren't into them like that. Let them know that you still like them and that you've just been confused about your own sexuality lately and needed to process. You can proceed accordingly from there.
   
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Re: I have a crush on my Genderfluid friend - February 7th 2020, 09:55 AM

Hello there!

To be honest, I don't think anyone should 'label' what their sexuality is as long as you're happy with your partner. I also agree with communicating your thoughts and feelings towards your crush so at least you know where you stand with this person.



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Re: I have a crush on my Genderfluid friend - February 7th 2020, 05:17 PM

I don't think giving yourself a label or naming your identity is absolutely necessary, and especially at such a young age. I can understand why it's bothering you right now, because you told this person you had a crush on them and then their brother was inquiring about your relationship. You felt you were being forced to 'come out' in that moment, and lied.

The best thing to do right now would be to talk to the person you are interested in and clear up any possible misunderstanding, especially after what happened with their brother.


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Re: I have a crush on my Genderfluid friend - February 17th 2020, 12:01 AM

Yeah dude this sounds confusing! It's important, though, to keep your identity separate from others'. Whether they are pan doesn't impact whether or not you are.

Liking a friend is always hard, because you don't want to endanger your friendship, but you also don't want to feel like you've been "friendzoned," and grow resentful when your friendship doesn't grow into something else. It is difficult to recommend what to do, because each situation is different.

I think you should find a way to jokingly bring it up. That seems safe. Maybe ask a very trusted friend to make a joke about crushes, like their brother did, but this time give a different answer. See their reaction.

Alternatively, you can act flirtatious with them and see how they respond. However, if they're still navigating their identity, they may not want to get in a relationship with anyone. I wish I could give you more concrete advice.


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