Non-PG13 (Strong Language): WTF?

[MacGuffin]

So I need to just do a little venting here and ask for some advice. My ex boyfriend and I broke up in November of last year. We dated for about six months, and despite my intentions I ended up developing strong feelings for the guy. Something of substance was there because I still have feelings for him, despite working hard to overcome them.

For a long time we were on very strenuous terms. Then in February we began speaking again and redeveloping our friendship. We made amends to each other for our mistakes (we broke up for various reasons, but he basically ran out on me when all is said and done). And so things were cool. We continued being the flirty, great pair we have always been. Until one day in March that flirting turned into sex.

On a couple separate occasions we had sex. I never initiated it; it was important to me that he make that move. Then he got together with this girl that he has wanted to be with for several years, ever since they broke up. He loves her, he really does. I can see it when he talks about her. I never had any hold on his heart, really, and that hurts to know, but Im glad he found happiness with someone who can meet his needs.

Thats all well and good, but last Sunday he hooked up with me again. I new he was with her, but he seemed to be pushing things along, so I said nothing. We both enjoyed ourselves. And he hasnt said a word to be since.

Understand he is one of my closest friends, due to other life circumstances right now. For him to not speak to me for six days is highly unusual. And I feel like such a fucking fool. Such a motherfucking fool. And I really dont know what to do about it. Im seeing someone right now, and its an open relationship mainly because I cant get over my ex and dont want to make my new partner a promise I cant keep. But I feel so stupid, and so used. I want to scream at him and tell him hes such a fucking asshole. But I cant. I cant even escape him in my dreams. I dream of him and her together, and then of the things we did together, knowing Im no more than a shallow substitute for her.

So what do I do? How do I get over this? How I can force myself out of this mess, when part of me still wants to be with him in any way possible? How do stop this emotional bullshit?

[natcat]

As hard and as unfair as this may seem to you - I believe the best thing for right now is for you to step back and away from him. If you are genuinely glad that he has found happiness elsewhere, then you should not be allowing yourself to interfere with his relationship with this other girl.

That being said, he is being completely unselfish. He cannot have his cake and eat it too, so to speak. My guess is that he's feeling prettty guilty at this moment, and probably doesn't want to broach the subject.

I understand you have feelings for him - I really do. I know how hard it is to move on from someone you have grown so attatched to .. however, having sex with him is obviously not helping you detatch from him. You evidently want something more than that, and he doesn't. Or he does, but he's with this other girl. I think you should let well enough alone for a while ..

I wish you luck though!

[ShimmeringFaerie]

I think you need to remove yourself from the situation right now. You say that this guy is one of your closest friends, but he doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart. Maybe write him a letter/email about how you're feeling and how angry you are, so you can get all of those feelings out (you don't have to send it, but you could). And then just don't speak to him. There doesn't seem to be a happy future for you guys, not soon anyway. And you would be better off trying to move on and find someone who is there for you and cares about you.

I don't think it's worth staying good friends with him, and risking something happening again. It's not fair on you and it's certainly not fair on his girlfriend. She thinks she is with someone who loves her very much, but his actions show that that isn't the case. And you really don't need to be in the position where you're helping him cheat. So I think the best thing for you to do is to cut off contact and stay away, however hard that may be.

PM me if you ever need to talk.

[wolfsvalentine]

Obviously it's not going to be easy, but getting out of that situation is probably the best thing you can do. Not only does he need to realize he can't have a girlfriend and another on the side, but you deserve so much better than being "the other girl." I don't blame you at all for hooking up with him again, I can guarantee you in your situation I would have done the same, but the cycle can't continue. Good luck and stay strong :] --and I know you will find someone else out there you can be happy with--someone who has a straight enough moral compass not to cheat on the one he allegedly loves.

[Katara]

Don't try to stop being emotional, you don't want to end up like me :P trying desperately to be emotional again after years of burying them, its hard to stop it once you start

I agree with the other guys, you should tell him you're angry, make sure he knows, then cut loose. Someone who would cheat on the person they allegedly love is not worth the effort it would take to fix it with.