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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Moved in :( - April 7th 2010, 01:05 PM

So when I came back from abroad, my mum had moved home away from my friends and bf. So he asked me to stay with him.

But it's only been about 6 weeks. And i'm going insane. Neither of us work, so were together 24/7. He still lives at home, so were stuck in his bedroom with no escape. So we bicker. And i cant deal with it.

Issue is, I cant afford my own place, nor can he. So i either move home, which is about 21/2 hour journey on 3 buses to get to him. Or i carry on living with him.

We've tried giving each other space, but it doesnt seem to be working. He gets grouchy if I want to spend time on the computer. I suggest he plays xbox- then he complains that i dont want his company. But if he doesnt play it, he complains that i take up all his time.

We've been together 18months, and i'm generally happy with the relationship. But were just too close at the moment. I cant breath.

I dont want to break up with him, and i know moving home would make that happen as neither of us can afford buses.

What can I do?


   
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Re: Moved in :( - April 7th 2010, 02:42 PM

get a job. Do something to get away from each other for awhile.


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Re: Moved in :( - April 7th 2010, 02:44 PM

I'm in the same situation as you, except my boyfriend was the one to move in with me and my family. And it's been 4 months now.

We fight all the time as well. Sometimes just the sound of his music or typing makes me want to strangle him. But we love each other, so we know we have to make it work. Sometimes just going into another room for a few hours and reading or something can help both of you calm down if you're just getting annoyed at silly things. Also, my boyfriend sleeps over at a friend's house once or twice a fortnight, so you could try getting away some nights and staying with a friend?

It can take some time to get used to living with someone. I would sit down with your boyfriend and talk about how you are feeling, if you haven't done so already. Since you don't sound like you are having any major fights, all of your problems sound like they could be worked out fairly easily. If sharing the computer etc. is an issue, make a roster to split the time equally. And make sure that you are both still spending plenty of time with your own friends.

Good luck .



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Re: Moved in :( - April 7th 2010, 03:20 PM

You're in a sticky situation, I suggest getting comfortable with his family and trying living out side of his room. Go watch T.v down stairs or something so you guys aren't at each others throats all the time. Perhaps going out more with other people (Girlfriends ect.) would probably be a healthy choice.

Also getting a job would be a wise idea in the sense that you'll be making some money - money means freedom, freedom is what you need at the moment. I suggest your boy friend do the same.

Soon after you both have jobs you'll be trying to make time for each other which is what you need rather then having to much for each other.

Some short term things you could do is volunteer places to get you out of the house, make some friends and hangout with them on the side of work/school. What I find when 2 people are in a relationship is that they lose a lot of their friends because they struggle to find time for them.

So assuming you don't have many friends (That's not a jab at you in any way.) I think joining a club of some sort would be a very smart choice. Try Judo its a great work-out and its competitive both for guys and girls a like.

I really hope this advise helps because I know what it feels like to be "trapped" and I really would like to see you through this.

I wish you all the best, if you need anything I'm just a click away.

Until next time - Take care.
   
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Re: Moved in :( - April 7th 2010, 07:20 PM

Thanks for the replies. But it's really tricky. I'm desperately searching for work, but nothings coming up. Which is causing me to sink back into depression- meaning the thought of going out is hell. I have a good group of friends, but normally only see them one evening a week due to there jobs/uni and the like.

I get on well with his parents, so i guess i can try and go downstairs a bit, just feels awkward. Starting taking a walk each day on my own for an hour or so which is nice.

Any more help?


   
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Re: Moved in :( - April 7th 2010, 09:41 PM

I think it's safe to say that living with your boyfriend hasn't been working out, and it's probably only going to get worse, if things don't change soon. A major problem is the fact that neither of you have a job, and therefore can't afford to live in a more spacious place.

So, you need to find a way to solve that problem. If you can't find work here, you need to look for work elsewhere... which means that you might have to move in with your mother, and look in other cities. I know that you don't want this to become a long-distance relationship... but in my opinion, your chances of staying with your boyfriend will be greater if you give each other space and try to get on your feet financially, vs. being "stuck in his bedroom".

Long-distance relationships CAN work out... I've been in a loving relationship for three and a half years, and we also live about two and a half hours apart from one another. Sometimes I drive, sometimes he takes the bus and train... but we have pulled it off. =)





   
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