Best Mates Ex........ -
February 4th 2009, 04:53 PM
Basically it went:
Best mate and his girlfriend break up
I talk to best mate trying to get them back but he wants to be single but isnt sure what to do
I meet up with the ex to talk about whats going on etc
We tell him we met up and spoke, he goes nuts and we fell out badly
My now ex best mate and his ex dont get back together
His ex and myself been txting eachother and meeting up quite alot and think i may of developed feelings for her as we get along so well and talk about what we want in a person and we are both exactly like that.
But obviously its very complicated as we wouldnt beable to be seen with eachother as it wouldcreate too many problems and being that she is my ex best mates ex girlfriend!
Re: Best Mates Ex........ -
February 4th 2009, 08:13 PM
Honestly, this kind of a circumstance is almost never a good thing, especially not this soon after things with both the best mate/you AND the best mate/his girlfriend ended.
It might be best to give it time for now. Your ex best mate is probably very off kilter right now. Regardless of whether or not you speak anymore, the courteous thing to do would be to give him time to sort things out. In addition, the situation is already causing a bunch of stress for everyone involved. If things look that dank then it is probably a sign that it would be a bad idea to go ahead with the relationship (if a relationship can't even start free of worries then how can it ever be expected to be rid of them?). Give your mate time to sort things out and his ex and you time to make sure your feelings for each other are authentic. If you both really wish to pursue this, your feelings will remain constant even while you are letting this settle a bit.
After a good chunk of time has passed (I would give it a couple of months, at the very least), approach your mate again. If you want to try and rebuild things, try and do so. If you just want to go out with his ex but don't want to see him anymore, let him know you still care about and respect him, and therefore want to ask how he feels about you going out with his ex. Be sure he is in a positive place in his life when you do this. Asking him is the courteous thing to do, and it shows that you weren't tactless in handling the situation. Whether or not he agrees, at that point you and the ex will have to decide whether you can handle the possible strains that might be added even before the relationship begins. This can gauge whether or not you decide to be together.
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to." "I don't much care where-" "Then it doesn't matter which way you go."