i kindof cheated on him..

nevergiveuphope · **i kindof cheated on him.. -** November 19th 2010, 12:44 AM

well, his name is joshua, i've been seeing him for the past five months...
and technically were not dating.. but we still love each other..
and today he found out that i had sex with another person..
and he called me freaking out.. but he said he completely understands and i should i just told him myself.. he found out by going onto my facebook, and reading convos between me and this guy.. i mean like yeah i gave him all my passwords and shit along time ago.. but i never really thought he'd go on it and do that? but i mean i don't care.. im not affend by it at all.. or i'm glad he found out.. because he needs to know that kind of stuff..
i just feel really guilty. because he still wants to be in my life after all that drama i put him through... he's an older guy, and he knows that he loves me ... and i love him too, but how can i say that when... me sleeping with other guys puts this in that direction... he said that... but i love him more than anything. i'd kill to be with him... but i just don't know how to pass through this.. like yeah he's hurt. and he has every right to be.. but i expected to get it worse, like him not talking to me.. and now he's goin to see this girl thats having a baby.. and i know it used to be his like girlfriend.. and she's a single mom. and im freaking out.. he said he wanted to see me when he got back.. i guess what i'm asking is.. do you think he really cares.. and there's so much on his plate.. but should i tell him more.. or keep it cool for now?

ps; i don't know if this goes into sex and puberty...
so if you wanna move it, go ahead.

Maloo · **Re: i kindof cheated on him.. -** November 19th 2010, 12:54 AM

To me, you don't cheat on someone if you love them. That's all there is to it, in my opinion.

Colt · **Re: i kindof cheated on him.. -** November 19th 2010, 02:55 AM

Quote:

he found out by going onto my facebook, and reading convos between me and this guy.. i mean like yeah i gave him all my passwords and shit along time ago.. but i never really thought he'd go on it and do that?

Thought what? That he might actually use the passwords you gave him, go onto your Facebook and catch you screwing another guy? He hasn't done anything wrong, you gave him those passwords and in doing so implicit admission onto your Facebook profile. Meanwhile, you HAVE done something wrong.

Quote:

and i know it used to be his like girlfriend.. and she's a single mom. and im freaking out..

About what? The idea that the guy you love might be having sex with his ex-girlfriend?

Quote:

but should i tell him more.. or keep it cool for now?

What do you mean, "tell him more"? More about the sex you had with another guy? "More" guys? No, I don't think he wants to hear about that.

You've got zero sympathy from me. What you did was outright horrible. If you love him, you wouldn't have done to him what you did. The fact that he hasn't responded as you thought he would could mean several things. Maybe he doesn't mind, in which case I highly doubt he actually loves you. Maybe it's just going to take some time before the anger sets in and he dumps you out of his life. Or maybe he's having sex with his ex-girlfriend, and you two are actually in an "Open" relationship.

You should work now on perhaps establishing a real relationship with this guy if thats what you both want, and then working on rebuilding your trust.

Good luck,

Regards,

Colt

Boobies · **Re: i kindof cheated on him.. -** November 19th 2010, 12:47 PM

If you weren't in a relationship I don't see the problem.
And it's your fault he went through your facebook.

I-Love-him · **Re: i kindof cheated on him.. -** November 19th 2010, 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nevergiveuphope

well, his name is joshua, i've been seeing him for the past five months...
and technically were not dating.. but we still love each other..
and today he found out that i had sex with another person..
and he called me freaking out.. but he said he completely understands and i should i just told him myself.. he found out by going onto my facebook, and reading convos between me and this guy.. i mean like yeah i gave him all my passwords and shit along time ago.. but i never really thought he'd go on it and do that? but i mean i don't care.. im not affend by it at all.. or i'm glad he found out.. because he needs to know that kind of stuff..
i just feel really guilty. because he still wants to be in my life after all that drama i put him through... he's an older guy, and he knows that he loves me ... and i love him too, but how can i say that when... me sleeping with other guys puts this in that direction... he said that... but i love him more than anything. i'd kill to be with him... but i just don't know how to pass through this.. like yeah he's hurt. and he has every right to be.. but i expected to get it worse, like him not talking to me.. and now he's goin to see this girl thats having a baby.. and i know it used to be his like girlfriend.. and she's a single mom. and im freaking out.. he said he wanted to see me when he got back.. i guess what i'm asking is.. do you think he really cares.. and there's so much on his plate.. but should i tell him more.. or keep it cool for now?

ps; i don't know if this goes into sex and puberty...
so if you wanna move it, go ahead.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Myss

To me, you don't cheat on someone if you love them. That's all there is to it, in my opinion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colt

Thought what? That he might actually use the passwords you gave him, go onto your Facebook and catch you screwing another guy? He hasn't done anything wrong, you gave him those passwords and in doing so implicit admission onto your Facebook profile. Meanwhile, you HAVE done something wrong.

About what? The idea that the guy you love might be having sex with his ex-girlfriend?

What do you mean, "tell him more"? More about the sex you had with another guy? "More" guys? No, I don't think he wants to hear about that.

You've got zero sympathy from me. What you did was outright horrible. If you love him, you wouldn't have done to him what you did. The fact that he hasn't responded as you thought he would could mean several things. Maybe he doesn't mind, in which case I highly doubt he actually loves you. Maybe it's just going to take some time before the anger sets in and he dumps you out of his life. Or maybe he's having sex with his ex-girlfriend, and you two are actually in an "Open" relationship.

You should work now on perhaps establishing a real relationship with this guy if thats what you both want, and then working on rebuilding your trust.

Good luck,

Regards,

Colt

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3.14159265358979323846264

If you weren't in a relationship I don't see the problem.
And it's your fault he went through your facebook.

i agree with all of these posts!
To be quite honest, i'm concerned he didn't dump you there and then as this may lead you to believe it's ok for you to cheat and get away with it. I feel sorry for the poor lad.
If you loved him and really wanted to be with him, you wouldn't have cheated.
The question you should actualy be asking is, "do i rreally care?" because to be quite honest, you've cheated on him, i don't think you do care about him, if you did you wouldn't have done that, so why does it matter if he cares?

Tell him more what? about what disgusting acts you done with the other person?! no i don't think so!

Sorry if i seem harsh but i cannot stand cheaters!
he deserves better.
When he comes round i say put him out of his misery, apologise and move on.

PGP · **Re: i kindof cheated on him.. -** November 19th 2010, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Colt

Thought what? That he might actually use the passwords you gave him, go onto your Facebook and catch you screwing another guy? He hasn't done anything wrong, you gave him those passwords and in doing so implicit admission onto your Facebook profile. Meanwhile, you HAVE done something wrong.

About what? The idea that the guy you love might be having sex with his ex-girlfriend?

What do you mean, "tell him more"? More about the sex you had with another guy? "More" guys? No, I don't think he wants to hear about that.

You've got zero sympathy from me. What you did was outright horrible. If you love him, you wouldn't have done to him what you did. The fact that he hasn't responded as you thought he would could mean several things. Maybe he doesn't mind, in which case I highly doubt he actually loves you. Maybe it's just going to take some time before the anger sets in and he dumps you out of his life. Or maybe he's having sex with his ex-girlfriend, and you two are actually in an "Open" relationship.

You should work now on perhaps establishing a real relationship with this guy if thats what you both want, and then working on rebuilding your trust.

Good luck,

Regards,

Colt

Again, Colt hits the metaphorical nail on the head. There isn't a word in his post I disagree with, and there isn't much I can add that hasn't been said already.

If you really loved him, you wouldn't have cheated. If he really loved you, he would have been pissed at you and broken it off, then and there.

And about the Facebook thing... I know you say you don't really care that he went through and found all of the messages to this other guy. And in all honesty, it is entirely your fault that he was able to see them anyway. If you knew he could log onto your profile and read the messages, because you gave him the passwords, why were the messages even there? To me, that just shows that you really didn't give a shit if he found out or not. Which further strengthens my conviction that you do not, in fact, love him.

Colt · **Re: i kindof cheated on him.. -** November 19th 2010, 11:18 PM

Jessica,

Hopefully we have made our point clear. However, I don't think we are just going to label you a "cheater" and kick you to the kurbside.

What do you think about this? Do you think it's alright to have sex with another guy, because technically speaking you were not "in a relationship"?

What are you going to do, just rock on with life? Or will you stop and figure out where you went wrong, and change yourself for the better?

What have you done so far about rebuilding your trust with Joshua?

nevergiveuphope · **Re: i kindof cheated on him.. -** November 19th 2010, 11:27 PM

i don't even know what to say, to all these posts.
i guess the truth does hurt.. and i mean i don't want to hurt him by cheating on him, and he still wants to try something... and then i break things off completely. because i feel terrible about all of this... i dont know what i wanted when i wrote this...
thanks guys.

Colt · **Re: i kindof cheated on him.. -** November 19th 2010, 11:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nevergiveuphope

i don't even know what to say, to all these posts.
i guess the truth does hurt.. and i mean i don't want to hurt him by cheating on him, and he still wants to try something... and then i break things off completely. because i feel terrible about all of this... i dont know what i wanted when i wrote this...
thanks guys.

The truth does hurt. It hurts a lot. We didn't say what we said because it hurt, but because it was the truth.

Why did you break things off?

MisplacedDreamer · **Re: i kindof cheated on him.. -** November 20th 2010, 12:45 AM

I would change your passwords now. If you were to get into a fight with him (and I have neer met anyone who has never had a fight), what would stop him from changing your passwords and posting stuff you didn't want other people to know?

Never give out your passwords.

To be honest, if you two aren't in a relationship, then I don't consider it cheating. The same social standards aren't expected to be there. Does he still have feelings for his former girlfriend?

If there is some reason why you two love each other but aren't dating, are you expected to never sleep or love another person? Would whatever is keeping you two from dating exist down the line?