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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
RandomHouse Offline
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How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 1st 2011, 09:43 PM

I've been dating her for well over a year now, and she's the best thing that's happened to me my entire life. I am absolutely obsessed with her, and I show her LOTS of sexual attention, which is easy to do, because she's super hot. The problem is that she believes I've only tricked myself into thinking that she's the most attractive girl on the planet, and a large part of that is due to the fact that we were friends for a long time before we started to fall in love.

How do I convince her that I really mean what I say besides literally saying "I mean what I say". When I try to explain this to her, she just gets annoyed and says she's heard it all before. She can't stand thinking that I might be able to look at another girl and think that she's pretty, even if I don't feel an attraction to her or anyone else.

She's the only one I think about sexually, which I think is pretty special. I just want her to really know how special she is.
   
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Brandon Offline
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 1st 2011, 09:48 PM

Unfortunately, only she can convince herself.



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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 1st 2011, 10:11 PM

That's terribly sweet... you're a lucky couple.

Often times, it's very difficult for people to see or perceive themselves through the eyes of someone who really loves them... it really does take a certain type of stability... self love, you know? It's really not an easy thing.

I'm going to have to go with Brandon, only she can convince herself... but that doesn't mean that you can't help ;] All you can do is be true, right? Just tell her how you feel, and let her know that it's important you that she knows she's wonderful
   
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 1st 2011, 11:45 PM

Girls are difficult. They really can't be convinced if they don't want to believe it. Just tell her it and know that you're doing all you can.
   
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 1st 2011, 11:52 PM

sounds like you are already doing everything you can to convince her/make her feel beautiful. good job. now it is up to her to FEEL that. and only she can do it.
   
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 1st 2011, 11:59 PM

You can't convince her. Look at it as a good thing. If she's not full of herself I bet she's a really nice girl. If she were full of herself she would not be the same person at all.


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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 2nd 2011, 12:38 AM

Scale it back. Even if she's the hottest girl in the world, don't ever tell her that. Girls are happiest, and most attracted, when they're chasing you. Not the other way around.



   
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 2nd 2011, 02:25 AM

I agree with Brandon. There's only so much you can say and do to show an insecure girl you think she's attractive. At some point, she'll need to find it within herself to accept the truth. In fact, if you keep showering her with excessive attention, you may hinder this process. If you're CONSTANTLY trying to prove you're attracted to a girl, it could eventually seem insincere or forced. You don't always have to confirm that she's beautiful... in fact, she'll probably appreciate the spontaneous, yet occasional compliment she gets from you. If she can't take your affirmations for granted, if she doesn't get a compliment every time she (directly or indirectly) fishes for one, the few times when you DO say something will seem even more genuine and will have a greater impact on her self-esteem. =)


   
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 2nd 2011, 03:23 AM

Just being the best boyfriend you can be and letting her know you love her and you truly think she is beautiful is all you can do

I'm really happy for you!


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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 2nd 2011, 03:41 AM

Slap her upside the head and tell her your opinion should be the only opinion that matters.

I'm only half serious.

In my last 4-5 years of dating, I had several girlfriends who were overweight. All of them convinced themselves that, because they were fat... that they were unattractive. All I did was tell them that they were beautiful everyday (I love curvy women), and that put an end to the insecurity.
I'm not sure if it will work, but try this: put your hands on both her cheeks, look her deeply in the eyes and say "To me, I think you're the most beautiful girl in the world. That is all that should matter..."...


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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 2nd 2011, 04:31 PM

All you can do is tell her what you truly think of her and keep reminding her she's beautiful. Unfortuantley, no one else can change the way someone thinks of themselves if the person isn't willing to see it. As long as you remind her she's beautiful and special to you often she may start to see it at some point. Insecurities are hard to overcome so be patient with her.
   
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 2nd 2011, 10:48 PM

To put it simply: you can't. If she doesn't believe she is beautiful, nothing you say or do will make her think otherwise. All you can continue to do is what you have been doing, and voice your honest opinion about her looks.


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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 6th 2011, 08:20 PM

I find it impossible to accept that I'm even slightly attractive. My boyfriend and other people tell me that I'm movie star pretty, but I can't believe them. I don't see pretty in the mirror. I see a skinny girl with rough skin and wild hair. Nothing anyone could say could ever make me feel different. Repetition gets me sometimes. If my boyfriend says over and over that I'm beautiful, then I believe that that's how he feels.
   
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 6th 2011, 08:46 PM

I'm like this with my boyfriend...I can never believe him when he tells me I'm beautiful. And we've been dating this long too...

Actually, as long as you keep telling her, that's good. She knows somewhere deep inside her that you truly believe it...at least I think so.


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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 10th 2011, 04:28 PM

I think most girls are like this. Including myself.
It's hard to believe you can really see us as the most attractive thing when we know there are prettier girls out there.
So we may not always believe you, but it's still nice to hear. =)


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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 10th 2011, 05:45 PM

I agree with PSY's advice...

But just wanted to note that you should watch out, her insecurities seem to be pretty intense, so don't ever give her any reason to think she's not good enough, that'll completely send her over the edge. In addition, show her off. When you go out with her, hold her hand, proudly refer to her as your girlfriend, introduce her to your friends/family, tell her that everyone is checking her out, etc. Stuff that shows that you're serious about her.



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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 10th 2011, 06:07 PM

I know everybody is right by saying only she can convince herself, but there are things you could do to help her along the way. (You might already be doing them, so it's not a criticism or anything.)

Smiling at her is the way forward. Girls love it when they see a smile that says "You're beautiful" or "I'm so happy to see you". Saying it in words is always good, but I think actions can speak for themselves and sometimes come across as much more convicing.

If she's having real self-esteem issues, you might want to sit down and talk to her about it. I know that helps me feel better. Words can only go so far, but if you show her you are genuinely concerned about her self-esteem with a sincere conversation, I'm sure she will appreciate it.

It can be really tricky to convince someone of their worth, but I'm sure you're doing all the right things. She just needs a little push in the right direction.




   
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 11th 2011, 12:01 AM

Be convinsing. Talk to here. convinse here to belive in you.
   
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 11th 2011, 04:03 AM

Dont give her too much credit. Women dont like to know that they are perfect becuase theyll never belive it and in turn she might find it annoying. You never know! In turn it could push her away. I tell you its nearly impossible to convonce a women that shes beautiful. i dont know why ive tryed it for the last 3 years. it doesnt work but maybe you will get lucky and she will believe it.
   
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 11th 2011, 02:17 PM

I'm having a really similar predicament with my boyfriend; I made a thread about it recently.

Don't go overboard with the compliments or it'll sound artificial and like you're really just trying too hard to please her. Sometimes my boyfriend tells me 'you look really good today' and that somehow can seem more genuine to me than 'you're beautiful'...as though he actually appreciates how I look. Just drop in a few little things like that here and there.


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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 11th 2011, 03:39 PM

its really sweet what your trying to do but usually it doesnt help to much. it makes a lot of girls feel better to be told that when they are doubting but sometimes they still get that ugly feeling. Maybe the only one that can convince her is herself?
   
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 12th 2011, 10:09 PM

Actions speak louder than words - if you act in a way which backs up your words (by which I mean generally acting as you should in a relationship anyway) eventually she will accept that you do actually mean what you say. Up to that point unfortunately you will be fighting a constant uphill battle to try and "prove" it to her overtly, so the best way really is just to have a good relationship and not make it your mission to convince her - otherwise, the relationship itself may suffer which you don't want. Body image is a slow changing beast so give her time and patience.


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If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
   
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Re: How do I convince a girl she's beautiful? - February 13th 2011, 04:50 PM

It took me a while to come to terms with my body. My boyfriend did help a lot, but it was something I had to do for myself. The thing Daniel mentioned (as cheesy as it may be) did help. And there were times when my boyfriend did mention the desire to slap me upside the head for not seeing myself as beautiful. That actually helped a bit too, because it showed me how much he meant what he said. That's just my personal experience.

I think the issue of women being "happiest" when they're pursuing as opposed to the other way around is beside the point (and not true for all women, though it may be for some.)

The best thing to do is offer support and give sincere compliments as they come. You don't have to make her body image your responsibility, nor do you have to hold back from telling her she's pretty.

Best of luck (and Happy Valentine's!)


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