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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Saria Offline
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He says Love causes tragedy - April 18th 2011, 03:15 AM

I went out with a boy and he made me so happy. We had been friends for about a year before we started going out and I knew it was definately what I wanted even after what happened between my older brother and I. He gave me something to live for and loved me for who I am. He was one of the only people that loved me, cared and made me feel like I was special and important and had a place in this world.

The reason we broke up was because he was confused about what he wanted and after a while he worked out that he didn't want to be loved or love anymore because love causes too much tragedy.

Its been about 3 months. We're still really close friends but I just miss him so much. I want to go out with him so much but I don't know how to convince him that love doesn't only cause tragedy....

Just a bit of a rant I guess but opinions and advice would be great...


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He says Love causes tragedy - April 18th 2011, 03:40 AM

unfortunately, it seems like nothing you say will change his mind about love causing tragedy. we both know that love can be wonderful, right? so SHOW him. be there for him and love him as a friend for now. i know that it will be difficult, but he may come around, just seeing how much love can be in friendship. i hope that he sees love isn't something to be scared of, because it's too amazing not to feel.

i hope that helps and i'm sorry i don't have a better answer.


♫♪
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He says Love causes tragedy - April 18th 2011, 04:15 AM

Relationships are never really easy, but sometimes we find a person who makes it all worthwhile. I don't necessarily believe that love causes tragedy. It's up to him to decide now whether it's worth sticking around for.


"Years ago, I knew a boy who made all the wrong choices."

   
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Re: He says Love causes tragedy - April 18th 2011, 04:23 AM

It seems that he manage to figured out what he really want for life for now and that is not having any serious relationship.If you are looking for a serious relationship than I suggest you to forget about him because eventually you will be hurt.

I'm not sure how old is he but I presume he is around your age so it is normal for a guy at his age not to be tied down in a serious relationship.Give time for both of you and if you guys are really destined to be together than there is nothing to be worried about


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He says Love causes tragedy - April 18th 2011, 06:34 AM

Thanks everyone... what you really said makes sense and that's what I've been doing, loving him as a friend and I think that is probably best at the moment for me as well as I think that maybe my past makes it a little too difficult for me to be in a relationship right now


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He says Love causes tragedy - April 18th 2011, 11:27 AM

Just don't let one bad relationship determine your entire future relationship.You just need time.Time heals everything


Everyone Is Born To This World A Champion But The Only Way You Can Leave This World As A Champion Is By Not Giving Up In Life No Matters What It Throws At You
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Re: He says Love causes tragedy - April 20th 2011, 08:49 PM

I don't think I am going to let this relationship ruin any future ones I just don't really think I'm ready for one. But I really loved me boyfriend and I just want to be able to help him.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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Re: He says Love causes tragedy - April 20th 2011, 09:09 PM

Well if you think about about. Live is tragedy. Everyone recieves pain from life. its the way it is. Love is the one thing that gives you happiness inpiration pleasure bliss. True love gives and gives and gives and just continues to stay beautiful as long as both partners are true toeachother. Love only causes pain when someone no longer is loyal or honest. If somone cheats or someone insults or hurts their partner. when both lovers have the same goals then love becomes nothing but bliss and happyness. I like love alot. Its a bit complicated with my girlfriend of 3 years right now but we are figuring things out becuase we love eachother dearly. Sadly he seems a little bit immature about this. He should be able to realizse that all the happyness he has experieinced with you is worth any pain. Love is one of the greatest gifts on this planet and hes going to give it up because he doesnt want too man up?? Pain is everywhere. tell him to look around at the world. People starving to death, peple killing eachother, people being bullied people raping others. Wh do these bad things happen? NO LOVE theres no love in rape or war or in murder or bullying and no one seems to love or care for the poor. Maybe hes going to realizse what hes lost once your gone. You should take a long break from him. thats what i did with my gf. it did help things but it was very painful having to be away from her.
   
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Re: He says Love causes tragedy - April 20th 2011, 09:16 PM

That makes so much sense but I don't know how to make him see that. It's his choice right. I think what you said about taking a long break would work in theory about we're apart of the same Scout group so it would be pretty hard to have distance when we spend a minimum of 3 hours together every week.


"Feeling Change - Memories Don't"
"Enjoy the Moment and don't let it end"
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
"He comforts us when we are in trouble, so that we can share that same comfort with others in trouble." 2 Corinthians 1:4
PM me anytime
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http://1000reasonstosmile.tumblr.com/
   
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Re: He says Love causes tragedy - April 21st 2011, 03:21 AM

Saria,

His belief about love is what is called a logical fallacy. A logical fallacy is basically an incorrect piece of logic. If you believe love always causes tragedy, its called a "hasty generalization" because you're just rounding off too much (generalizing) by saying something is always a certain way. There always seem to be exceptions to the rules. So very logical people will never assume that something will ALWAYS happen in a given situation. They know nothing is guaranteed. And just because something bad happened each time you saw something, it doesn't mean it will keep happening. That one is called "appeal to history". And that isn't guaranteed either.

Nothing is guaranteed in this life. But if success is not guaranteed failure is not guaranteed either!

Tip: Knowing logical fallacies is really really helpful. It will allow you to win most arguments (I love to read them after an argument because it helps me see the errors in the other person's point of view) and when you feel bad because of a belief you have (about a situation or yourself), you can find the logical fallacies you're believing and try to imagine ways your troubling belief might not be true, and that can make you feel better. I highly recommend reading the logical fallacies list on wikipedia!
   
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Re: He says Love causes tragedy - April 21st 2011, 08:06 AM

yeah that would make it hard for you wouldnt it? Me and my current girlfriend have the same group of friends so when we broke up. somtimes we would see eacother at the bars or at someones house. but when that happens all you have to do is simple aknowledge and ignore. with body langauge show them that you are there but ignore them by not getting into intimate conversations or joking or making them happy. with my girlfriend we broke for 1 week and i came over one day to just visist see how she was. and that night she wanted soooo badly just for me to come sit on the couch with her. and i knew that if i sat on that couch to lay down with her then I would be giving her exactly what she wanted. and technically she should be have intimate time with me if we are not dating. im so used to giving her kisses and hugs and complementing her and now that we are just friends it makes it alot harder for me. so i think you should aproach it the same way. dont give him the things you know he loves like attention or little funny jokes that you guys have or conversations. just acknowledge his presnece and ignore. i did it for a week with my girlfriend and she nearly died. sorry to bring up my situation but i feel it is of somewhat revelence
   
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Re: He says Love causes tragedy - April 21st 2011, 03:04 PM

Sorry but a 15 year old moaning about love causing tragedy? I'm not buying it. Are you sure he didn't just find someone else, or want more time to play COD?

Maybe he's a hipster or something. Still, forget him, move on, find someone who doesn't talk like a badly written poem.


To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never, to forget

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