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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

View Poll Results: Is love enough of a reason to try to pursue a relationship in spite of other factors?
Yes. In most or all cases, love is enough to at least try. 23 44.23%
No. There are some things that are just too difficult to overcome. 23 44.23%
I don't know! / I'm conflicted. 6 11.54%
Voters: 52. You may not vote on this poll

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Is love enough? - May 6th 2011, 02:55 AM

Perhaps the real question is, "Is Hollywood ever right?"

I'm really curious as to what the general consensus is, though: do you think love is enough of a reason to attempt to make a relationship work in spite of anything else that might be playing into it? Other factors might include age, distance, time, religion, social stigma, etc.

I'm talking solely about legal relationships here. A relationship between a 12 year old and a 65 year old clearly isn't applicable.

I'm also not talking about one-sided or unrequited love.

If you feel like sharing them, I'd also like to hear about any experiences that play a role in how you answered. Have you yourself overcome great lengths in a relationship based on love? Or have you tried and wished you hadn't? What about other people in your life?

I know I'm not the only one out there in a difficult relationship. Thanks for any responses.




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Re: Is love enough? - May 6th 2011, 03:03 AM

If love isn't reason enough to try and make things work, then what is?

My partner and I live 3600 miles apart with a six hour time difference. He's an Atheist while I'm Catholic. We make things work because our relationship is worth more to us than the money we spend flying, the time we spend waiting for each other, and anything else we may encounter.


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Re: Is love enough? - May 6th 2011, 03:24 AM

I think love is not enough. I was in a relationship when we were living close but it soon ended after i moved away. I think no matter what eventually age, distance, time, religion, social stigma, etc will take its toll and distroy the relationship.
   
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Re: Is love enough? - May 6th 2011, 04:15 AM

I answered, "Yes," but I believe it depends on the situation. I wouldn't say "most" or "always" because that implies love is always enough to overcome any obstacle in life. I don't believe it is. Sometimes, love isn't enough to make a relationship happy and healthy. If it's a long-distance relationship you're facing, then I believe love can be enough, PROVIDED that you support that love with communication, clear goals for your relationship in the long-term, etc. There are some differences that cannot be overcome, however. What those differences are can be up for interpretation, but some include differences in religious beliefs, moral values, and personality trait conflicts. "Love" isn't a magic wand that can rid a relationship of all its problems. It can take two people a long way, but it isn't a cure-all.





   
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Re: Is love enough? - May 6th 2011, 04:39 AM

I chose conficted because to me it really depends on what a person has been through in the relationship. If you both love eachother however the other person is continually hurting you and putting you through unbearable grief then no love is not enough. But I think love is enough if it has to do with distance/religous beliefs/gender and social stigma, also age to some degree.


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Re: Is love enough? - May 6th 2011, 06:17 AM

I answered yes. Despite being in relationships where I have loved and lost, I never felt that I regretted those relationships because of that. There could be situation where it might not work out, but I'm a firm believe in love. And, I will always believe in love.

To me, I got into my relationship knowing that I would always come second best to my boyfriends career. No matter what, he will always and forever, choose the Army over me. I have learned to live with that, and even encourage it.











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Re: Is love enough? - May 6th 2011, 06:56 AM

If you both love eachother enough, then that's the end of it. No excuses, no nothing.


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Re: Is love enough? - May 6th 2011, 07:10 AM

id atlest tryyyyyy :333


"Life isn't about how popular you are... What girl or boy you are dating or who you know. Life is about always being true to who you are or what you believe in. Never let anyone convince you that their way is better than your way. In the end all we have is our hearts... and our minds. This is the reason why we sing... this is the reason why we cry... this is why we live."

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Re: Is love enough? - May 6th 2011, 07:34 AM

I put no. While love is a very dandy and good thing to have in a relationship (obviously), life tends to get alot more complicated and the simple answer of "oh, we're in love" just won't be enough.
   
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Re: Is love enough? - May 6th 2011, 07:50 AM

I chose that I'm conflicted.

My closest friend was engaged to a woman. Whether they were in love or co-dependent or both, it didn't matter. The dynamic of their relationship deteriorated and ultimately led to my friend breaking off their engagement (one of her better decisions, in my opinion). The thing is that the love was there. At least from my friend's end, the love was there. Yet the problem was that she was the only one giving in that relationship. Sure, she had her issues, as we all do, but she made three times the amount of sacrifices that her partner did. Her partner, on the other hand, did not want to try at all. She would "acknowledge" her problems, claim she wanted to work on/through them, and nothing would result; she excused her behaviour with that the solutions wouldn't come overnight, but this didn't change the fact they didn't seem to come at all. This is an example in which there was love, but a lack of much else, one of those things being effort.

And that's why I'm so conflicted. People speak of love as though it's easy, as though love conquers all and that's it, there are no questions, but let's face it, in anything, more than love eventually factors in to it. I have met someone I've fallen madly in love with, someone I see a future with. We're long-distance at the moment. The love is there, but to truly make the relationship work, sacrifices are going to have to be made. The same is true of "local relationships," as I'll call them. Both parties have to put in some amount of effort to make it work, whether this means total sacrifice, compromise, etc., and I honestly think it's ridiculous that some people think they can ride 100% on love. I have known of people who have cheated on their significant others, who have then said "I truly love said significant other," and who have proceeded to cheat again and again. Their partners? Under the impression that with their love, they'll get through it. Yes, love is a part of relationships, but in my opinion, love is fostered by trust, commitment, sacrifice, compromise, loyalty, etc... Love is fostered by so many other attributes of a relationship that without those attributes, the love would not exist, or it would, but it would be unhealthy love.

That aside, I also think it depends, again, on circumstances and individuals. You mentioned age. How big the age gap? A 20 and 30 year old I'm more inclined to disagree with, and see more differences in, than a 40 and 50 year old, for example, but I'd personally date no more than three years my senior; other people feel age is just a number. As far as religion, I think it depends on how serious about religion, or lack thereof, each partner is. Someone who's a devout Catholic, for example, may not be religiously compatible with someone who's a practising Wiccan. And so on and so forth. Some things can be overridden with effort; other things can not.

In the end though, I honestly think that the idea that love conquers all... I feel it stems from the fact people feel that love is the foundation of a relationship, and speaking honestly? It's not. If love were the foundation, then love would be something you have immediately for everyone you meet, because it'd be the grounds on which you built everything else. Relationships are generally built on trust, communication, etc. in addition to the individual traits we each find ourselves individually attracted to. Love stems from those traits; those traits don't stem from love. So no, I don't think love is enough, that love conquers all, etc. You can't take out the bottom of a building and expect the rest of it not to topple over. Take out love and you can still have a relatively functional relationship. Take out some of the fundamental building blocks and you can't have stable, healthy love.
   
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Re: Is love enough? - May 6th 2011, 05:38 PM

Some really interesting thoughts! Some of your points I never even considered before. Quite helpful for my thought process, thanks a lot.




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Re: Is love enough? - May 6th 2011, 07:38 PM

I answered no. Love is amazing, and it can overcome a lot, but there are some things it can't. And though I wish it could, I know it's not true.
I think love can overcome distance, age and religion. Basically, I agree with Elliotte. There needs to be give and take, and both parties need to put in the effort otherwise it will not work. Love doesn't just happen, and stay that way. You do need to work on it, at least a little.


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Re: Is love enough? - May 7th 2011, 12:35 AM

I think there are some things love just can't overcome.

My ex and I loved each other. We still do, and that's something we've both admitted. But loving each other wasn't enough when it turned out that he was hiding a lot from me. What he lied about didn't directly hurt me, but it hurt that he claimed to be doing so well when really he was just covering up one problem with another problem.

I still care for him, and I will always, always be his friend as long as he needs/wants me to be. But I won't put myself in the position of making life plans with someone who, for all I know, is lying about his end of the bargain.


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Re: Is love enough? - May 7th 2011, 02:44 PM

Hmm...sometimes, but not always. I have a personal experience in this one.

My experience was my ex's mother caused us a lot of problems. She forced us to break up, but we were able to secretly date each other for a while until his stepdad was able to convince his mom to let us date, and even after that she kept us under constant surveilance. She even checked his texts to spy on our conversations. All this was because he was a crossdresser, and I didn't have a problem with it. The fact that I accepted his crossdressing really brought us closer. I helped him hide his girl clothes from his parents so he wouldn't get in worse trouble, and supported him when his mom forced him to get therapy because she believed his crossdressing was a mental problem. We both helped each other through a lot and we were very much in love, but in the end our relationship still failed. Even so, I'll always be his friend and be there for him. It's a difficult question to answer because there are so many circumstances.
   
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Re: Is love enough? - May 7th 2011, 05:57 PM

I'm unsure, i used to believe love was enough, but i broke up with my ex 3 weeks ago, we were both unhappy, and when it came down to it, even though we did love each other it seemed to be pointless for us to be together unhappy...


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Re: Is love enough? - May 7th 2011, 06:21 PM

No. Love is never enough there are other more important factors that need to me addressed.


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Re: Is love enough? - May 7th 2011, 07:24 PM

I don't knowww I wish it was, but part of me is thinking no.

I think other people have more faith in the concept of love. But I don't think I've ever known what it really is, and that makes me a bit cynical.




   
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Re: Is love enough? - May 7th 2011, 08:54 PM

You can at least try, then you'll know if the relationship is going anywhere. Obstacles are in the way no matter how close you live, what age you are. You just have to be willing to put the effort (and hopefully your partner too) to try to make it work.





   
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Re: Is love enough? - May 7th 2011, 11:16 PM

I said no because while love can be strong, sometimes there will be challenges that you can't just work out with feelings.
Sometimes love just slips away due to these challenges, and no matter how you felt about each other before whatever happened, that was in the past.
All relationships have problems and yes its good to try, but there are just some things that you cannot overcome.


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Re: Is love enough? - May 7th 2011, 11:27 PM

As a married person myself I'd say love isn't all there is. We're both Christians, we have similar interests, and we're committed to building each other up in character. Love is very important obviously but there is so much more work in a relationship.


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Re: Is love enough? - May 8th 2011, 03:26 AM

Its interesting what everyone has said here.

Its difficult to say mainly because the subject of love is actually quite ambiguous... If someone doesn't put effort into the relationship and into the other person do they truly love them?

Also is there different degrees of levels that you feel love? When you haven't spoken to your SO after a long enough period of time your connection is going to be weak.

I think if your willingness to commit matches your love, then it can overcome any obstacle, though saying that, it is not easy :P


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Re: Is love enough? - May 9th 2011, 04:32 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gaia View Post
I answered no. Love is amazing, and it can overcome a lot, but there are some things it can't.
This is the answer for me.


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Re: Is love enough? - May 9th 2011, 05:44 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
I answered, "Yes," but I believe it depends on the situation. I wouldn't say "most" or "always" because that implies love is always enough to overcome any obstacle in life. I don't believe it is. Sometimes, love isn't enough to make a relationship happy and healthy. If it's a long-distance relationship you're facing, then I believe love can be enough, PROVIDED that you support that love with communication, clear goals for your relationship in the long-term, etc. There are some differences that cannot be overcome, however. What those differences are can be up for interpretation, but some include differences in religious beliefs, moral values, and personality trait conflicts. "Love" isn't a magic wand that can rid a relationship of all its problems. It can take two people a long way, but it isn't a cure-all.
I couldn't have said it better.
I answered yes.




   
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Re: Is love enough? - May 10th 2011, 12:41 AM

I chose 'I'm conflicted'.

Why?

Because I believe it depends on the circumstances, and the type of love that the two people have for each other, and also whether there's equality and (as Elliotte put it) 'effort' in the relationship, on both members' parts. It also depends on the peoples' love of their family, because if they aren't willing to give up their family's trust for the love of their partner, then they aren't gonna work out.


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Re: Is love enough? - May 10th 2011, 04:41 AM

I voted "Yes," as I believe love is enough to at least try. However, I also agree with Robin:

Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
Sometimes, love isn't enough to make a relationship happy and healthy. If it's a long-distance relationship you're facing, then I believe love can be enough, PROVIDED that you support that love with communication, clear goals for your relationship in the long-term, etc. There are some differences that cannot be overcome, however. What those differences are can be up for interpretation, but some include differences in religious beliefs, moral values, and personality trait conflicts. "Love" isn't a magic wand that can rid a relationship of all its problems. It can take two people a long way, but it isn't a cure-all.
   
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Re: Is love enough? - May 22nd 2011, 03:13 PM

I said yes.
The only situations I've been through have been regarding self harm, attempted suicide and depression, but love helped us pull through together.


Do you wanna come with me? 'Cause if you do, then I should warn you - you're gonna see all sorts of things. Ghosts from the past. Aliens from the future. The day the Earth died in a ball of flame. It won't be quiet, it won't be safe, and it won't be calm. But I'll tell you what it will be: The trip of a lifetime!


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Re: Is love enough? - May 22nd 2011, 04:05 PM

I believe so, somewhat. The way I see it, there is always going to be some kind of obstacle whether you're in a relationship or not. Sometimes we can't exactly fix relationships entirely because of some situation that can prevent love to naturally takes it course completely. Either way, I believe we all take a part of each other no matter where we go or what the circumstances may be. Love may take us to the right direction or the wrong direction, but it takes two people with strong feelings to make us happy. Sometimes, it can be unbalanced and a person may become unhappy while the struggle persists. It's always hard to define love when love seems to be the real obstacle itself.

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Re: Is love enough? - May 22nd 2011, 04:35 PM

No, I don't think it is.

You could be madly in love with each other but that doesn't mean your relationship is instantly going to work out. There could be problems with age and distance as you said, or you might just not work together, you could constantly argue and what not and no matter how hard you try, you can't make it work out regardless of your feelings for each other.
   
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Re: Is love enough? - May 25th 2011, 04:10 PM

If people think they can't love someone because of other factors, then they don't truly love that person. When you find the one you love you'll want to be with them no matter what.




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Re: Is love enough? - May 25th 2011, 04:38 PM

There are some things that love just can't overcome. It's sad, but in my experience, it's true. Sometimes you can love someone very deeply but simply not be right for each other. You can't force a square peg into a round hole, if that's indeed how it is.


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