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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Twisted Offline
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Like a horrible person after we argue. - May 12th 2011, 10:48 AM

Me and my boyfriend are pretty strong, we've been together 2 years at the end of this month and we've never had a serious argument. Of course we fight but just over minor issues, like most couples and I think it's relatively normal.

The only problem is that sometimes the argument gets heated and I usually always end up saying something i don't mean, I have really hurt his feelings in the past but I've always apologised and the guilt I feel afterwards is almost unbearable. I can't bear the thought of hurting him its making me tearful now just thinking about it. I always feel like a horrible person and like I don't deserve him. I've told him this and he says that i'm not horrible otherwise I wouldn't feel bad and I wouldn't apologise or realise that I'd been mean. Whilst I understand I still feel that I wouldn't say some of the things I have said if I wasn't a mean person which probably sounds crazy.

It's gotten worse since we fell out with a couple we were close friends with a couple of months ago because the last line of communication we had with them was one of them sending me a long message basically pointing out all my flaws and blaming me for the whole situation (that's a completely different story). I remember reading it and breaking down thinking "everything I thought about myself was confirmed I really am a sack of crap". It really dented my confidence and even though I knew it wasn't all true it hit me hard. I sometimes have the mentality of "they wouldn't say it if it wasn't somewhat true" as opposed to remembering that sometimes people just say things to hurt peoples feelings.

I understand that people say things when they argue that they don't mean and this is exactly what I do. But at the time I'm not really thinking rationally so I panic and feel like the worst person in the world. If anyone could knock some sense into me that would be greatly appreciated. A lot of arguments end up going on for longer than they should because of my hysterical behavior.
   
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Re: Like a horrible person after we argue. - May 12th 2011, 02:16 PM

You have to get what your old friends said regardless of whether some of it is true or none of it is true, out of your head. If it is hurting your relationship with your boyfriend you need to get it out of your head. It is okay to work on yourself for the sake of working on yourself, for yourself but for no one else. So if you want go a head and work on yourself if you feel the need to, but only because you want to and not because of what they said. Your boyfriend loves and thinks you are amazing, if he didn't at the end of the day, he wouldn't be saying those things or sticking around with you. So believe him. As far as saying things to your boyfriend that are hurtful, work on that. If you two live together and are fighting just simply leave when the bickering gets to a point of saying these things, if you don't live together and your on the phone or something, just simply say, I don't want to fight. I feel like Im going to say something bad and then hang up.


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Re: Like a horrible person after we argue. - May 12th 2011, 04:02 PM

Thanks for the response. Just needed to vent. I know I'm not perfect and he is very understanding. I'm working on a lot of things about myself at the moment not only for my relationship but for my own sanity, lol.
   
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Re: Like a horrible person after we argue. - May 12th 2011, 05:34 PM

I have felt the exact same way you do. I tend to over react over the tiniest of things. It ends up getting into a full blown argument, and then I feel like a total d-bag afterward. It's not a fun thing.

Even though your heated, and you want to say certain things, but you need to think before you speak. Count to ten before one of those irrational things comes flying out of your mouth. This has helped me several times in the past, and it has helped save a lot of arguments with my boyfriend, and has saved my relationship too.











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Re: Like a horrible person after we argue. - May 12th 2011, 11:17 PM

Thanks, it's great to know I'm not bonkers. Definitely getting better especially this week. I think it's because ive become really self aware about it over the past couple of weeks so now I'm making a conscious effort to stop myself. We don't argue a lot but when we do and I say something silly it's a horrible feeling.
   
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