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I'm confused - October 5th 2011, 10:36 AM

I'm so confused... well, it says that in the forum name, anyway, it's kind of a long story so i'll try and make it short. Near the end of the school year (July-i follow British curriculum) there was this school compulsory charity week where for a week we were supposed to do something charitable. All my friends were put in different things and I was put on this residential trip that i signed up for. It was for year groups 7-10. I shared a room with the only other 3 people in my year.

Anyway, during the trip I started getting this crush on a guy 2 years older than me, he was hanging out with me and my room mates for the duration of the trip. On the last night after my roomates and i were caught with him in our room after lights out(it was completely innocent, the teachers didn't really get mad because they know we're just friends, and because we were like in Y7... ).

So, I blurted out when we were all in bed that i liked the guy, which, was completely idiotic. The next day we were leaving on the bus trip back and I couldn't keep a straight face because, i was denying that i liked him until that night when I admitted it to myself, and everyone else. Why i didn't admit it is cos he has a GF in my year, yeah we're young, but, I did NOT need the cat fights and the whole year staring and pointing. During the bus ride back he kept looking at me well, staring at my direction so I nudged a room mate who was sitting next to me and whispered something, the guy guessed we were tking bout him so i started sending messages. Long story short, well, not quite short, he found out i liked him, well he guessed after lots of black mailing(from his part) and pressure to tell from my room mates.

Now, even after the summer hols whenever we meet in corridors there's like an awkward moment, so I basically try an avoid where he has classes (I AM NOT A STALKER!), however, because the world has a sick sense of humor i pass his classes to get to mine. I'm so confused whether I like him or not, I like him because of a lot of things, I HATE HIM BECAUSE HE'S BLACKMAILED ME ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION. He hates me, and I hate myself for telling my room mates. One room mate is being a total pain about it and keeps bullying me, my so called friends, found out and are threatening to tell everyone (I managed to keep it hushed up). Well, one friend is threatening to tell everyone.

Last week i had a match and he came to watch training because one of his friends( who is a girl) had to train. I was so embarrassed and was bright red as he kept glaring at me. Sigh. So awkward, I fail at avoiding him even though now i know which places to avoid at what time Please don't say i'm young and shouldn't be worrying about these things, i just could do without the complications of the glares, the secrets, the awkward moments.
   
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Re: I'm confused - October 6th 2011, 02:35 AM

Um.... I'm not sure why he hates you... He doesn't seem like he is very nice to you. I guess avoiding him is a good idea if you don't want to have anything to do with him. If its still really hard for you then you could just stop caring about how he doesn't like you, and that he glares at you. If you decide that he doesn't matter then maybe he wont have such an effect on you.


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"Setting boundaries is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a healthy way and manipulating is: when we set a boundary we let go of the outcome."

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Re: I'm confused - October 6th 2011, 10:27 AM

Well, he hates me because for some reason when guys in my school find out a girl likes them, they hate them. I'm not sure if I like him or not, he is nice, kinda, well, he blackmailed me because he wanted information. I can't even pick up a damn book that i lent to him, or the notebook he licked, or he held without sighing. I can't even walk past his form room, or ignore him when I see him on corridors, it was worst at the netball match... but... now it's getting ridiculous. I swear he's following me or something because there is no way I can see a guy 2 years older than me who's quite short so many times a day! I'm terrified of bumping into him, call me a stalker, but I made a second timetable of what places I know he'll be and try and avoid those places, unless i'm going to be late for class. I'm even thinking on quitting the netball team because I'm terrified he's going to be there with his friend and to watch another friend who's my team mate... he only seems to have friends who are girls... but DAAH! The looks are hard to ignore and it's so hard to look at him without blushing, or thinking about the trip. It's been 3 months and it's still... AWFUL! And to top it off, nearly everyone in my class knows him and were teasing me about how he's the *secret person* I like, they don't know though.
   
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Re: I'm confused - October 8th 2011, 12:33 PM

Ok, now i can't take it, he has effing science at the same time i do, and his classroom is DIRECTLY opposite mine. DAH! I'm already avoiding using shortcuts to class when i have to pass the class room's he'll be in, but this is ridiculous. I no longer want to go to public places where there's a slightest chance he'll be there! I just got into the netball team, which is what i've wanted for AGES, but now i want to quit because i can't stand it because he's ALWAYS there for a few mins. Urgh! I'm so confused, do i like him... i think of him all the time, do i hate him? Someone please HELP!
   
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Re: I'm confused - October 11th 2011, 05:10 PM

Hey there! I'm sorry things are so awkward/hostile with this guy right now. Unfortunately, I only have two suggestions for you, and neither are going to be particularly easy to implement.

1. Talk to him.
You said that, for some reason, guys hate girls once they find out they have a crush? Well, that doesn't sound very rational to me - but let's assume for a moment that it's true. What's the harm in pulling him aside and saying, "Hey, I'm sorry if things are awkward between the two of us, but I really just want to move on. Can we do that?" Keep it short and sweet, and see how he reacts. My guess is that he DOESN'T hate you - he may just feel awkward around you because he doesn't feel the same way, and his way of coping with those awkward feelings is to avoid/ignore/push you away. It's not a purely "guy" response, girls do it too! If you can acknowledge the awkward feelings and ask him to let it go, though, then the two of you may be able to move forward. I'm not saying you'll be best buddies after this conversation, but you may get to a point where you can walk past each other and not feel embarrassed/angry.

2. Deal with it.
Yeah, that's right... deal with it. Personally, I did the whole "avoid walking by his classrooms" deal, and it didn't help me move on at all! It just made me even more neurotic, and I was upset that *I* had to alter *my* routine in order to accommodate him. The bottom-line is that you're not going to get along with everyone. No matter where you go, there's going to be someone that you're not crazy about, or that you possibly even hate. If you like everyone, then there's a good chance someone doesn't like you! It's unavoidable - so why bother trying to avoid it? Accept that you're going to meet these people everywhere you go, and you can either give up fun activities in order to avoid those people, or you can suck it up and enjoy those fun activities despite those people being around. It's all about changing your mindset, and it does NOT happen overnight. It will, however, become easier to push these people out of your mind and focus on what you love as you experience more of these situations. After a while, you develop a thicker skin and simply stop caring as much. =)





   
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