How Can I Forget Her?

[overlord207]

I've been with this girl for a couple months now and she suddenly tells me she doesn't want to talk to me anymore and that I'm not the guy she thought I would be. She told me that she didn't find me fun or outgoing enough for her and I don't really think that's the real reason. Afterwords, she realized how much she hurt me and she would be willing to stay "just friends" but I wouldn't be able to do that.

I've been treating her nicer and nicer the longer we were together. Do girls really only like assholes? That's how I guess I was portrayed as when I first met her but gradually I became nicer to her as I liked her more.

I was pretty upset at first, got over it a little, but the more I think about it, the more it bothers me. I've been depressed the last few nights because of what happened and I don't really know what to do. I guess I never realized how much I loved her until she's gone. Now I just can't stop thinking about the conversations we've had, the things we did together, everything. It's almost weird how clear all my memories with her are.. It's driving me nuts.. :/

Part of me wants to talk to her in person for some sort of closure since she told me through text, but another part of me tells me to just completely forget about her, she said she's willing to stay "just friends" but I feel I should never talk to her again since I can't forget my memories with her that I miss so much..

I hope someone can give me some advice

[Acheron]

Originally Posted by overlord207

I've been treating her nicer and nicer the longer we were together. Do girls really only like assholes? That's how I guess I was portrayed as when I first met her but gradually I became nicer to her as I liked her more.

Yeah, that's probably part of it. I wouldn't say you need to be an asshole, because that's a pretty loaded term. But girls like confident guys whose feelings they aren't quite sure of, and who seem like they could replace her easily if she screws up. Basically, they need to feel like they need you more than you need them. I guess by "nicer" you mean more affectionate? Telling her how wonderful she is all the time? Don't do that.

Part of me wants to talk to her in person for some sort of closure since she told me through text, but another part of me tells me to just completely forget about her, she said she's willing to stay "just friends" but I feel I should never talk to her again since I can't forget my memories with her that I miss so much..

Don't stay friends with her if you still want a relationship with her. It'll just hurt. Worst case scenario is that she leads you on because she likes the attention. Nope, what you need right now is a rebound. Or more than one rebound. Ideally, better-looking than your ex.

[justfallinginlove]

I guess by "nicer" you mean more affectionate? Telling her how wonderful she is all the time? Don't do that.

Do girls really only like assholes?

It makes me sad to hear that guys actually think that. I'm gonna have to defend the female population here and say that girls do not like assholes. And that girls do like affection and compliments.

Now, theres a fine line between being affectionate and seeming clingy/needy and this is to be taken into consideration when evaluating why she might have broken up with u. But again, maybe she just didn't have "that feeling" anymore. Sometimes people give bs reasons for breaking up with people so they should usually be taken with a grain of salt.

[overlord207]

Originally Posted by Acheron

I guess by "nicer" you mean more affectionate? Telling her how wonderful she is all the time? Don't do that.

I never really told her things like that, sure more affectionate, but by spending more time with her, talking to her on the phone for an hour or two longer when she called on the phone.

Originally Posted by justfallinginlove

Now, theres a fine line between being affectionate and seeming clingy/needy and this is to be taken into consideration when evaluating why she might have broken up with u. But again, maybe she just didn't have "that feeling" anymore. Sometimes people give bs reasons for breaking up with people so they should usually be taken with a grain of salt.

Thanks, I kinda did think a lot of her reasons were BS but I never really questioned her for them anyway. Maybe she just didn't feel it anymore haha


How would I go about forgetting her? Past break-ups for me have always been mutual or conflict involved and I really don't know how I can stop thinking about someone I miss that much. I spent the last couple of nights almost sleepless and it's really affecting my life :/ Thanks guys.

[FillingWithHope]

I would just try to stick to a daily routine do stuff to keep your mind active and occupied so she doesn't show up. I think that was a little rude how she broke up with you, and normally some girls go for the assholes, im not sure why i find it stupid cuz their just gonna get hurt but whatever. Just stay strong and spend more time with your friends.

[Acheron]

Originally Posted by overlord207

I never really told her things like that, sure more affectionate, but by spending more time with her, talking to her on the phone for an hour or two longer when she called on the phone.

Just as bad. Makes it seem like she's the centre of your universe, which is never a good thing. If a girl wants to talk for hours on the phone, that's what her friends are for.

[Ibanez]

Oof. That exact situation happened to me this summer man, except I knowingly made the most obvious mistakes. I fell embarrassingly hard for a girl who I still think about. Just cut off all contact, and force her out of your head. 'Cause even just thinking about her is only going to make it longer, and harder for you to get over her. Do what I did and think of it as a learning experience. Making sure you've learned your lesson, and that you don't make the same mistakes twice is all you can do.

Like what Acheron said, a rebound with another girl's going to make you feel the best right now. But it's inevitable that your confidence is pretty shot. Do some shit that you know you love, and will make you feel better. Then go after some other girls when you feel your best.

[leavemealone]

Girls like that, I have a real big problem with them. Shes probably insecure and thinks that she doesn't deserve a good boyfriend so she tries to surround herself with guys who talk down to her. She likes it, for whatever reason. And when she realized what a great guy you are, she left because she thought she wasn't worthy enough.
Try and forget about her. If you cant, talk to her. Express your feelings. Even if she doesn't respond, you showing how much you care is going to get through to her eventually. I hope this works out for you! Stay strong!

[justfallinginlove]

If a girl wants to talk for hours on the phone, that's what her friends are for.

Again, where in the world are you getting this from? I wouldn't date a guy that didn't like talking on the phone with me. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to call bs on this.

Makes it seem like she's the centre of your universe, which is never a good thing

That is a FANTASTIC thing! Obviously most girls (myself included) don't expect to be the center of the universe with their guy but if he makes you feel like you are, then he is a true gem.

I also wouldn't suggest a rebound. Cause the girl you choose as your rebound may very well fall for you, and if you aren't ready to reciprocate those feelings it could turn ugly real quick.

Much like others have said, just occupy your mind with other things. Keep busy. And when you litterally can't get a moment with out her in ur head, write it all down. Take 15 minutes on a timer and write every thought, memory, feeling, sensation, picture, opinion, that comes into your head.

[Acheron]

Originally Posted by justfallinginlove

Again, where in the world are you getting this from? I wouldn't date a guy that didn't like talking on the phone with me. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to call bs on this.

Lots and lots of experience. There's nothing wrong with talking on the phone per se, but when it's for hours at a time on a regular basis? Nope. Point is, girls have a huge amount of cognitive dissonance. They'll say they want something, then hate it when they get it. I'm guessing you haven't dated many guys?

That is a FANTASTIC thing! Obviously most girls (myself included) don't expect to be the center of the universe with their guy but if he makes you feel like you are, then he is a true gem.

For a while, sure. But let me show you something interesting:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/13/fa...13Studied.html

Girls get their most obsessive over guys whose feelings they can't quite work out. A guy they don't have to puzzle out and work for is just boring.

[justfallinginlove]

I'm guessing you haven't dated many guys?

I've dated plenty of guys. All kind, loving, affectionate and attentive with the exception of one stereotypical asshole. He didn't last long.
I don't like wasting time figuring a guy out, or playing games. It causes me stress when I already have enough balls rolling in my life.

I'm just giving my opinion to the OP and they can chose to agree with whomever they please. Let's just agree to disagree.

[overlord207]

Thanks for the advices guys.. I am most likely going to run into her tomorrow if she ends up going to a mutual friends party. I am not sure if I would be able to more than ackknowledge her but should I try and attempt to talk to her or ignore her?