Messy in the moment breakup.

[Le bonheur*]

So I finally broke up with my boyfriend of 13 months because we got into a huge fight tonight in front of my sister and I just lost my mind. Basically, we've been on and off the whole 13 months.. we've fought about 95% of the time of our relationship.. He likes giving me anxiety attacks.. I have really bad anger issues so I get irritated easily but I try not to take it out on him and most of the time, I don't. He blames me for every single fight. He says he's blameless and it's all my fault that he cries and we have such a terrible relationship because of my anxiety and depression. It just wasn't working and 13 months later, I was ready to leave him. I love him. I lost a baby with him, he's gotten me through a lot of hard times, he's my best friend... Yes. I love him but that's something that I need to get over. And hopefully, I will.

Now he's texting me and making me feel like complete and utter shit. He keeps on telling me I'm at fault for his depression right now and now he's writing on Facebook 'what's the point of living' and stuff like that. I can't deal with this. It's such a trigger to me. I can't stop crying. Everything's my fault. -___-

I just need some support and advice on how to get over this.. and answers as to why he's threatening his life now.

[Koharuchan]

None of this is your fault. Him always blaming you for every fight probably contributed to your anxiety and depression, and you're better off without him. Right now what he's doing is trying to get you to feel bad for him so you'll take him back; don't do it. You're much better off without a guy like him. He only blamed you for everything, and that wasn't right of him at all. You believing this is your fault is what he wants, and you shouldn't give him what he wants. Stay strong and don't give into his stupidity. I know it sounds harsh, but it's the truth. He wasn't good for you, and you're better off.

[Chair]

Don't worry about him, he doesn't deserve your attention. After 13 months of just fighting, it's OK to be selfish and not want anything to do with the guy. If he's so weak that he can't even take part of the blame for your fights then you're both better off separated from each other. Don't blame yourself and don't worry about him, he just wants some attention.

[Iris. ♥]

None of this is your fault, okay? You weren't happy, so you ended it. There's no reason for you to be blamed for that. Ignore his texts and delete him from your Facebook. Don't let him scare you the way my ex scared me. You deserve so much more than this. Stay strong, beautiful. <3 You will get through this.

[FillingWithHope]

As the others are saying, this is none of your fault. You made a good choice for getting out of the relationship because honestly It wasn't healthy and it wasn't helping either of you. Its good to have some you time, maybe all you guys need is a break from each other for a while. Who knows you guys could get back together with sometime. Give your heart and your mind a break from him, it is not a good idea to be texting him. Just kindly let him know that you need some you time for a while and in the mean time be yourself. find yourself, have some time with your friends. Best of luck!

[dr2005]

I'm going to reiterate what's been said - this is not your fault. Fighting all the time is not the sign of a healthy relationship, especially if he has been trying to provoke you as suggested above, and you did what was best for you after what sounds like quite a long effort to keep things going. At the end of the day, you should not feel obliged to remain in a relationship if it makes you feel like shit - it's supposed to be of mutual benefit, after all. On the subject of how he is reacting, comments about the point of living are probably more borne out of the break-up itself than anything more serious (I had similar thoughts with a break-up a while back), and unfortunately probably follow on from previous behaviour - blaming you 100% of the time for the fights is pretty pathetic of him, frankly, and if he's trying to guilt-trip you now then it reinforces that you're better off out of this relationship. You need some time to heal, and he needs to work on his attitude from the sound of it. In time things may change and you may or may not end up back together, but for now focus on what's best for you. You have no reason to feel responsible for how he is reacting to a situation of his own making.

Hope that helps and take care.

[Skeleton]

As everyone has said, it's not your fault. It isn't fair of him to blame every fight you have on you rather then take some of the blame himself and the only reason he is texting you and saying those things is to make you feel bad and you shouldn't let it. You did the right thing, if you've spent 13 months, on and off, fighting quite a bit then obviously something isn't working so it's best to just walk away from it and not let it get you down anymore than it already has.

[Le bonheur*]

Wow, thanks everyone. <3 I just have never felt so alone in my life and this breakup and what he said to me made it ten times worse. He texted me earlier today and asked me if I really didn't wanna be with him and I told him no. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to say to anyone but I know I'm doing the right thing now.

[Nicole!]

I'm so sorry to hear about this Brittany. It hurts to leave him since you two were so close, but it really is for the best if he is purposely trying to hurt you like that. Its not right, and it isn't your fault. You can't help how you feel, and you should never be sorry for it.

[Le bonheur*]

I miss him already. I love him. I know I'm weak.

[Nicole!]

You're not weak sweetie. Its completely normal to miss your ex after a breakup. Just stay strong and remember that this is for the best, you don't deserve all of the hurtful things he said. Just try and distract yourself when you think of him, and in time you'll feel much better.

[Le bonheur*]

I do have to remember that because if I don't, I'm going to go running back. And I can't do that. Thanks Nicole. <3

[Nicole!]

You're very welcome! It gets easier everyday. You don't have to see him during the day right? If so, try and avoid him.

[Le bonheur*]

No we're both graduated from school and he works and I sit at my mom's house in another town all day. So I'll never see him unless I go to his town and I decide to.

[Chris.]

I see this alot, and actually just got a good female friend over almost this same situation.

First, I think you need to realize that this isnt your fault. Couples fight, Its not a healthy relationship unless you do fight, but If you find yourself more sad and angry then happy and joyful, then there is a problem. If you are angry and sad, more than 30% of the time, then you need to get out of that situation becuase its not worth it.

Second, many times in a relationship, one of the partners will just completely break down and say or even try to kill himself/herself. Now being on the other side of it, you blame it on yourself. You cant do that. Sometimes, you need to just think about your needs. Many times people think, oh I broke up with him, but he keeps saying hes going to hurt himself, maybe I should just stay friends with him. NO, because when you go back, he will expect a relationship, and in that case you will be hurting him even MORE than he already is. There comes a time when you just have to move on and let go of things you can change, like the words coming out of his mouth and his actions.

Its a hard thing to do, I know. I think we've all said we were going to hurt ourselves at one point in time, I know I have. Irs a way for attention, and sometimes to get someone to save us from pain. But truely, no one can change your life, or make you happy but yourself.