I gave her my heart and she shattered it

[jd240]

I met my girlfriend online on about 3 years ago, I was 16 and she was 15 at the time. I'm 18 now and she just turned 18 two days ago. We hit it off really well from our first conversation which I still remember vividly today. We even talked a year before that briefly and had no clue until we started talking a lot.

I live in New Jersey and she lives in Wales so there is 5 hour time difference between us. That didn't stop us from staying up all day and night, on multiple occasions 12 hours straight, talking to each other on the site we met on, facebook, aim, skype, anything. Sometimes we'd have multiple conversations going on at the same time which we both enjoyed.

We were so close and couldn't be separated, she passed on hanging out with her friends to talk to me and I did the same.

One night I was at my lowest point, I felt like I hit rock bottom and the only one I wanted to talk to was her. She was there for me, staying up until 3 in the morning for me talking me through everything I was feeling. I was so close to taking my own life but she was there. She made me want to live, she was my reason for living. We just kept talking and I told her how amazing I thought she was and out of the blue she told me she had to ask me something. I replied asking her what she wanted to ask me. She then said it didn't matter, and it was nothing. I assured her I wouldn't think that was the case and she replied back saying to remember she had feelings, she then asked me to be her boyfriend. I had been wanting to ask her to be my girlfriend but was afraid to because I thought she didn't want a long distance relationship.

I immediately said yes and it turned from being one of the worst nights of my life, to the best.

We continued talking the way we did and I learned more about here, finding out she was having a tough time with her life too. I found out she cut, and I helped her with that. I found out she was suicidal, and I was always there for her. Her friends treated her like crap, never including her and talking bad about her, making rumors and everything. I was always there, I was her best friend and I did everything possible to make her feel better.

We've been through so much together, we talked constantly of what meeting would be like and tried to meet and multiple occasions but unfortunately each time the plan fell through.

We had a period where we would fight and argue almost everyday but would makeup on that same day and feel even closer together each time. We had some problems but we always found a way past them and back into each others arms (not literally, but still).

This period only lasted a few months and then we hardly ever fought again, the past few months we didn't fight at all and we both agreed that we liked that.

We would share everything that was going on in each others life and like I said earlier we were so close. I could probably write a book saying all the memories I have of us and everything I love about her but I'm trying to avoid typing too much of a wall of text.

We told each other all the time and she assured me I'd never have to worry about losing her, that she could never replace me and that I was the best thing that ever happened to her like she was the best thing that ever happened to me.

For the past few months I felt like we were starting to get distant due to our busy schedules (something we didn't have to worry about when we got together) but I thought it was something we could work on.

2 months before the break up I told her I was feeling down again, and was contemplating self-harm again. To make me feel better she reminded me that we got together in October, and that alone made me feel better.

1 month ago she mentioned how badly she wanted to come to New Jersey so we could meet and how she was hoping my parents would like her. Throughout our relationship she said she loved me, she said we would always be together.

3 weeks ago she told me we had to talk, I knew this would be bad news because the last time she said that (around the same time last year, just before Christmas) she tried to break up with me but quickly said she didn't want to and asked me to hug her.

She said there was someone else, a guy she only just started talking to a week before. She said they had been texting a lot and he asked her to go to the movies with her but didn't say if it was or wasn't a date. She said her friend said he liked her and she told me she liked him too. She said that she felt we were drifting apart, and I did too but I thought we could fix that. After practically begging her to stay (which I know see was probably a bad idea) she said for me to stop trying to keep her in a relationship she didn't want and that it'd be silly to stay together, and even though I was "amazing and everything" she wanted to do this whether or not it was a date or if he even liked her and said she was sorry. She said she still wants to be friends and that I was her best friend and always would be (idk if I can believe that, idk if I should)

She didn't change her facebook relationship status until they went out two days later. It turned out it was a date, and she told me in detail everything they did. Held hands, cuddled, kissed, and everything throughout the movie. They're now dating and I don't know what to do.

Even after what she did to me, including telling me the other things they've done together since that date, I still love her so much.

She says she still wants to meet as friends and we will this summer in Disney (ironically the thing that brought us together and the place we wanted to meet in the first place) as both our families go there at the same time.

After the break up she said I'd always have her as my best friend but about a week ago she started acting really weird. She posted on her twitter that "Christmas shouldn't be spent with tear tracks running down your cheeks" and she randomly messaged me "I'm so desperate and needy" but never explained what she was talking about, practically ignoring that she ever sent that to me. I mentioned something to her that her friend posted on her wall as a joke and she came out and snapped at me "wtf? stop stalking me." She's pretty much been giving me the silent treatment since with an average of one facebook message or one comment a day (generally with no reply) and since she hasn't posted anything on her twitter which I used to talk to her on all the time.

I'm sorry about the mess I typed up but I can hardly think straight. I love her so much, I just want my baby back.

Is there any chance I can get her back? Or at least get her to talk to me again?

[Nicole!]

It sounds to me like she has really moved on. I think the distance got to her and she just stopped believing that things could work out between you two, so when she found out she was going on a date with a guy she immediately jumped into the idea to help really end things with you for her.
I'm sorry that this happened, I know its tough to handle. I don't think there is a chance of you getting her back at this point, though. She currently has a boyfriend who lives where she does, which seems to be a major plus for her. Stay hopeful when you meet her, but remember to have an open mind and remember that you are still best friends which is better than nothing.
To get her to talk to you again, I would just give her some space. Don't give her any more comments or messages until she does it first. She may just be trying to get over losing you as that close boyfriend that she once had, and to do that she is distancing herself from you.

[_sunsets64.]

Wow. This is such a cute story, up until three weeks ago. I'm so sorry that it didn't work out between you two, but no, I don't know that it's totally over. However, sometimes relationships don't last forever. People walk in and out of our lives all the time, some just leave more of an imprint than others. You two have obviously greatly affected each others' lives permanently--neither of you would be who are today without having met the other, and who knows if you'd even be here at all? But just because it may have ended, doesn't mean it wasn't incredibly special or meaningful while it lasted. Everything happens for a reason, and you two were brought into each others' lives to save each other and help each other, and now, I think, maybe she's realized that she wants a close-distance relationship so she can hug the person she loves. I know it sucks that you live so far away and that person couldn't be you, but maybe this is a chance for you, too--I know it feels like she was it, but you have no idea who's out there, just waiting for you to meet or get to know, and your relationship with her has prepared you for all of that and made you, you.
It sounds to me like she's trying to distance herself from you, but that she's hurting too. I think she misses you just as much as you miss her, which is why she's been crying and why she's avoiding your old communication websites and such. But she's trying to move on--you could try to talk to her, but it sounds like she's trying to move on. And I know you don't want to hear this, but years from now, maybe you'll realize it was for the better and you two will be best friends, attending each others' weddings and still just as important to the other, just in new ways. I think she wants some space right now, though, because she's in pain, but that's just my opinion.
I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear or if none of this helped. I hope it gets better for you, though--hang in there, and feel free to message me anytime you want to talk

[Acheron]

This is ultimately what happens to long distance relationships, particularly when you've never met. Harsh as it sounds, I think her relationship with you was a product of her low self-esteem: now that she's starting to realise that she has options, she doesn't need a pseudo-relationship. Your behaviour is only making things worse, unfortunately. Like Nicole said, back off for a while.

I also disagree with the above posters that you should stay friends with her, or even that you can. I'm not one of those who denies that guys and girls can be friends, but trying to be friends with someone that you're still in love with, especially when she's telling you about her new relationship, is just going to make you miserable and convince her that you're too needy. And for the love of everything holy, do not meet her this summer. While I know how much it can hurt to lose someone you've been that close to for that long, you need to cut her off entirely and keep her cut off until you no longer have feelings for her.

[FillingWithHope]

I am so sorry you had to go through this. A break up is tough, trust me. I honestly do not think that there is a way you two could get back together because it does sound like she has moved on. Maybe she is acting this way because she wants you to move on and be happy with a girl who you can actually kiss and cuddle with. Give her space. Try not to look on her facebook or twitter and try not to text her. If you need somebody to talk to please PM me anytime you need too. Stay Strong!

[Ibanez]

Your post made me catch some things, and think a lot more about my own situation. Funny how that works. I think I'd have to agree with Acheron...any attractive girl, sometimes regardless of her self esteem, is going to have options. And options create instability. There's just no way your online self can compete with the physical, real world presence of other guys. Might work for hookups, but I think I'm finally realistically cynical about the whole online/ long distance thing.

The thing that stuck out most was when you said that "she was my reason for living" stuff. The problem with that is if a girl really is your everything, she won't be for long. I know because I've done/ am doing that too, having everything relying on a girl like that. But when all of your happiness rests on the shoulders of a relationship that will inevitably end, of course it's going to feel like your heart's shattering when it does. She might have been doing the same for a while. But eventually as you started to drift apart, and with your chasing her pushing her further away, she worked on others and used you as a stepping stone to raise her confidence and move onto someone else. I want to say you should have been doing that too, (and have a mutual break up) but I know how hard it can be to work on another girl when you have your mind set on one.

The more you invest of yourself into a girl, the better you're going to feel when you're with her yes, but the worse the break up is going to feel. You invested way too much. But at the same time, if you actually want a relationship, investing little to nothing is going to get you nothing but physical pleasure. Like anything in life, I think the best area is the middle ground, where you get maximum emotional pleasure out of it with minimum ending pain. Maybe I'm being too analytical. Hopefully that made sense, 'cause I might be a bit under the influence .