She told him not to go out with me - so mad.

[alexalauren]

So I just recently started working with my friend at a pizza place. There's this cute guy there who has had a crush on my friend, but she turned him down a few weeks ago. She said she wouldn't be interested in dating him at all, and she doesn't want anything before college, etc. He and I have started flirting since then - mostly his doing. He asked me out last week. We were planning on going out this Friday.

Anyway, he worked with my friend today and he told her he's still into her. I knew this already. I figured he still had some feelings for her, but I thought it would still be fun to go out; he was the one who asked me out in the first place. It was his idea!
Then he and my friend started talking about him wanting to date me. He basically said, this is high school, you turned me down, so now I want to date alexa and see where things go (that's a paraphrase of a text my friend forwarded to me). So I was under the impression that he and I would still be going out anyway. Then a little while later he texted me saying he couldn't go out with me this Friday because he thinks it would make my friend mad and he doesn't want to complicate things between all of us. This was after they had been talking.

Oh! and my friend is going on a date with another guy this weekend. So she can have a date, but I can't? I don't get it. I'm so upset. I still don't know him really well, but I was really looking forward to going on a date. It was going to be my first date since breaking up with my ex a few months ago. I'm really hurt. I don't know what to do... I have to work with him Saturday. I won't make it weird, but I'm still upset about it.

What do you all think? Was that unfair of my friend, or am I wrong - and what should I do about it? I still would like to go out with him, but the situation is just so weird right now....

[Amber]

You definitely have every right to be upset about this, I know that I would be upset about it. Although, I do understand why he thinks it would upset your friend. They had been talking, she didn't want to take it to another level, he went for her friend. If a guy I was talking to went and started talking to my friend I'd be pretty upset - even if I didn't want to take it to the next level with him.

You don't really need to do anything right now. When you work with him talk to him like you normally would and don't ignore your friend. You don't know if she said anything intentionally to make him break the date. He could just be having second thoughts about it. But just be your normal self and work/act like you would normally. Things will work out.

[Aletheia*]

I'd be upset about this too. In the texts that she forwarded to you, did it seem like SHE told HIM not to go out with you? He does have a point in saying that this might complicate things, but that doesn't give your friend a right to tell him not to take you out on a date.

Honestly, I'd confront her. She shouldn't be playing around with this guys' emotions like this. She obviously has some idea that he stills likes her, and that was confirmed when he told her this. So, since she won't date him, he was going to move on to someone else, but she's going out on a date with another guy after saying she didn't want to date in the first place. I'd also inform him of this.

It's definitely not fair, and she doesn't sound like a very good friend to you. I'd drop her. You don't need someone in your life like that either.

[alexalauren]

Here's a more detailed version of the texts... Jake is the boy, Amanda is my friend, and I'm alexa, haha

Jake* to Amanda*: I know you will probably hate me but I think I'm going to hang out with alexa on Friday. I'm sorry I just would like to get to know her.

Jake to Amanda: It's called high school when someone sees a person who is interested in them and is cool and pretty cute. I think I'm going to get to know her better and see if she would be a decent girlfriend. I really liked you and think you would be a good girlfriend, but you don't want that so I'm just going to date another chick and honestly it has nothing to do with the fact that it's your best friend that's just a bad coincidence

So then after this, she continued to text him, and then I got this message

Jake: Hey alexa, I don't think I can hang out with you on Friday. I have feelings for Amanda and I think if I dated you it would piss off amanda and things would get more complicated than they should. I'm sorry youre really cool I just don't want to complicate things

So even if she didn't directly tell him not to go out with me, she certainly influenced his decision. He was still planning on going out with me, but she convinced him not to.

Also, she told me it was fine if I wanted to go out with him. She was totally fine that he and I were flirting, and didn't seem to mind. He has been texting me every day for over a week, and I only started one conversation (well, he's not texting me anymore...). I just don't know what this has to be so complicated...

[Aletheia*]

Well, if he's more interested in Amanda*, then you shouldn't bother him. He may have feelings for you, but you'll always have this thought in the back of your mind: He's always liked Amanda* more, or he never really liked me as much as Amanda* or Amanda* was his first choice. He isn't worth all the heart break over. And, neither is she. If she directly or indirectly told him not to do it, she's still playing with his emotions by dating another guy when she told Jake* she didn't want to date anyone. It's not fair, and over time, he'll see this. You should never be someone's second choice.

[Ambiance]

Your friend's in the wrong for keeping this guy on her hook. This guy's stupid for letting her keep him on her hook. I'm sure one or the other will come around and apologize, but I wouldn't date him, and I might not trust her so much in the future.