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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Angry Can't take this anymore! - April 11th 2012, 12:33 AM

My situation is getting even worse! I tried following the advice I got here and it made things even worse! Here's what happened: I spent the weekend at a lodge. There was a pool and hot tub. I was in the hot tub and this really cool girl came in. I started talking to her and things were going awesome. She was smart, nice, and really pretty. And she showed interest in me! I was just about to ask her number, but then this ripped, muscular guy came in, and he started hitting on her, and in under a minute she completely lost interest in me! They were flirting for a good while and she said she was a virgin. He says that he "could fix that", and they leave the pool. Heartbroken and filled with fury, I go to my room, and on the way, I passed a room and heard moaning. This was actually her voice. Guess what they were doing! This isn't fair! Then the next day I text my ex, who I'm still good friends with, about it. I eventually got fed up and said that girls were too complicated for me. Then she gets blazing mad and tells me off, bringing up how girls go through torture trying to make themselves pretty so that guys would notice them. That isn't what I meant by complicated. What I meant was that girls confuse me with what they want in a guy and I have no idea how to make anything work. I never meant to offend her, but now she hates me. I don't know what to do anymore... Why are girls so picky? She said all girls wanted was a guy to love them on the inside and make her feel special... THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING THE ENTIRE TIME!!! If I see even one ripped guy kiss some girl one more time, I don't know if I'll be able to contain my fury anymore... But I know one thing for sure. Guys, don't bother posting here anymore. Your advice got me into this mess and I won't trust you anymore. I'm sorry, but please, girls only.


1.)My first and middle initials spell "it".
2.)My first and last initials spell "is".
3.)My first, middle, and last initials all spell "its".
4.)Say my first name, then my middle initial. Ian-T sounds like TNT.
BOOM!
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 11th 2012, 01:11 AM

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Right now, you need to take a few breaths and calm down. You can't let other people get to you like this! You are amazing, hun! So what, you might not get every girl out there, but that's okay because when you do find a girl, she'll be the right one for you.

Okay, stop all this muscle guy nonsense. Maybe that happened with that one girl, but every girl DOES NOT want a"jacked guy". Everyone has their thing. Some girls even find too much muscle as gross. I know that I am personally all about personality. I don't care how jacked a guy is, if he is a douche bag, I won't want to pay attention to him. I know there are many girls out there like that. So stop bashing yourself and don't take every rejection personally. If she went off with that guy, clearly she wasn't the girl for you. Maybe they had sex, but you don't know what happened afterward. Who knows, a few years from now that girl might regret what she did that night. Do you really want to be that guy that a girl regret having sex with? It's better to save all your attention for a girl who won't be just a one night stand. You deserve a girl who will give you proper attention and make you happy!

Stop beating yourself up. It doesn't help attract girls and it's not good for your self-esteem. You are perfect the way you are! Hun, you are only sixteen. There will be numerous of girls out there for you in the future. Just watch, the older you will get, the more you will look back and realize your self-doubt emotions are silly. One day you will make a girl really happy, you just need to wait for that day. If you take every rejection personally, well nothing good will come out of it. Just think about all the people who are dating-even married! For the couple to be together, that involved past relationships not working out and many rejections too. But these couples didn't take it personally and eventually found someone worth being with! The same will happen to you, just give it time!. I know you will find a wonderful girl! Just please stop beating yourself up, you deserve better!




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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 11th 2012, 01:43 AM

Well, I know I do have good qualities. Girls just have to find them. I do need to find a way to express the good in me. I just don't know how.


1.)My first and middle initials spell "it".
2.)My first and last initials spell "is".
3.)My first, middle, and last initials all spell "its".
4.)Say my first name, then my middle initial. Ian-T sounds like TNT.
BOOM!
  Send a message via Skype™ to Teddy Bear 
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 11th 2012, 03:11 AM

I'm sorry, but I fail to see how the male population of TeenHelp is to blame for unforeseen circumstances? You followed our plan (seemingly, anyway) of being calm and collected around this attractive girl that approached you, and you two hit it off. That's a success. Don't think of it as a failure because you two didn't elope to Antarctica and make a bunch of babies.

As for your ex, to be honest, it doesn't matter. It's your ex. Exes are derived from failed relationships. Failed relationships result in feelings of anger, anxiety and heartbreak. Anger, anxiety and heartbreak cannot go away at the flip of a switch. She probably lashed out because of these feelings. She also probably lashed out because you keep thinking that girls are only after really attractive, totally "ripped" guys - some aren't. It's an immature thought, and you should distance yourself from it.

Just keep at it. First one is a success, though it didn't go anywhere. Take that in your stride and keep it up.


Because in the end, it doesn't even matter.
   
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 11th 2012, 03:56 AM

First you need to find the good girls. That one in the hot tub wasn't looking for a relationship, she was looking for sex. Hot tubs, clubs, ect. Those places all aren't the best place to be looking. Of course you might find some pretty girls, but maybe not the kind you are looking for. Those are places were girls jut want to have fun and relax, not find a steady boyfriend.

Try getting more involved in your school and community! Join a few clubs, do a few activities at your religious facility, or even sign up for a few community service projects! There, you might find some girls who would be looking for boyfriends and would like you as one. Girls aren't all that guys build us up to be. We are insecure and can be very shy. Just try befriending some girls and who knows, they might open up to you and show interest. we can be very sneaky about our emotions sometimes because we are also afraid of rejection.

Even if the new girls you befriend don't work out, all of them have friends that they might hook you up with! So meeting girls and getting to know them isn't like a dead end, #foreveralone nonsense thing, it can still get you somewhere! Just give it time and be yourself and you'll definitely find someone!




Sometimes all you need to do is sprinkle a little glitter on someone's raincloud to blend them a rainbow.
Having a bad day?
Need some glitter?: Look, Listen, & Love
(note: I do not own the first two)
PM me ANYTIME if you want to talk!
I'll listen. You are not alone.

   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 11th 2012, 05:27 AM

[Edited] Hot Tub Girl sounds like a raging slut, and if that's what you are after you really need a good readjustment. Don't think you are good enough to pull random hotties out of hot tubs for sex. Pretty much nobody is. So stop having a cry and a sulk because you didn't get the girl. It's unattractive and a sign of poor character. [Edited]

You WERE doing just fine. Strike up conversation with nice girl. Tick. Didn't go any further? Fine. Shit happens. Dont expect you are going to have a clean run straight away. Don't go into those situations EXPECTING to run off with this girl. Hey, I spent a while chatting to a seriously sexy lass in my politics class last week - I wasn't sitting there thinking "OMG she might sleep with me". That's a jacked up view to take. She was a cool girl and I enjoyed just talking shit with her. You don't NEED to get so worried or worked up about girls, if anything they will sniff that out a mile away and they will act accordingly.

Cool, calm and collected. You are not that. You need to get there. Work on it. It's a hard time, mid teens. Gotta keep your head about you, you are still just learning to be an adult.

[Edited]

- iYogi

Last edited by Pug Princess; April 11th 2012 at 12:11 PM. Reason: Removed content that was unnecessarily rude toward the OP and other members.
   
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 11th 2012, 12:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yogi View Post
Don't go into those situations EXPECTING to run off with this girl. Hey, I spent a while chatting to a seriously sexy lass in my politics class last week - I wasn't sitting there thinking "OMG she might sleep with me". That's a jacked up view to take.
I don't think this is what the OP was thinking of at the time, I think he was just upset that she immediately ran off and had sex with this other guy when she was a virgin. It was probably really surprising, and obviously disappointing.
I do have to agree though in that sometimes these things will happen. We won't always get the person who we are interested in, but you can't give up just because of a few failures. Instead of focusing in on your mistakes and letting them make you believe you aren't good enough, learn from what you did wrong (in this case, you did the right thing by starting up a conversation).
Everyone is attracted to different kinds of people, so while she may have loved your personality, maybe she just had a thing for muscles. Dose that mean that every girl would pick this muscular guy over you? Not at all.
One more thing. You can't blame all of the guys on TeenHelp for this failed attempt. They didn't know that this would happen, and not every guy gave you the advice that didn't help you. Sometimes advice just isn't helpful at the time, but it doesn't mean you should completely omit it.


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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 11th 2012, 10:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole! View Post

One more thing. You can't blame all of the guys on TeenHelp for this failed attempt. They didn't know that this would happen, and not every guy gave you the advice that didn't help you. Sometimes advice just isn't helpful at the time, but it doesn't mean you should completely omit it.
I'm sorry if anyone got offended by it, but I don't blame them for my failure with that girl, who by the way I've gotten over. I followed their advice when I was texting my ex. I said that girls were complicated and tried acting like a hotshot, it backfired and she still won't text me back when I apologize. And there are no negative feelings between us anymore. We broke up over a year ago.


1.)My first and middle initials spell "it".
2.)My first and last initials spell "is".
3.)My first, middle, and last initials all spell "its".
4.)Say my first name, then my middle initial. Ian-T sounds like TNT.
BOOM!
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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 12th 2012, 01:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Teddy Bear View Post
I'm sorry if anyone got offended by it, but I don't blame them for my failure with that girl, who by the way I've gotten over. I followed their advice when I was texting my ex. I said that girls were complicated and tried acting like a hotshot, it backfired and she still won't text me back when I apologize. And there are no negative feelings between us anymore. We broke up over a year ago.
Ah, no. I don't remember giving advice telling you to be a hotshot around your ex/around girls. Of course, fake it till you make it, but being a hotshot just makes you come across as a dick. I remember us telling you to be confident - not overly confident.

Also, another rule to follow in your travels: don't text your ex about a different girl you're upset about. Period.


Because in the end, it doesn't even matter.
   
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 12th 2012, 11:45 AM

I'm sorry for what happened to you with that girl in the hot tub but I think you just met the wrong girl. Although both of you got along quite well at first, you couldn't just assume that she's actually looking for love or any kind of relationship and you should know that not all girls are like that. Some times somewhere you'll find a girl who wants real love and looking for serious relationship; but it's just not that day you went to the hot tub.

Don't give up hope and keep looking, it's just the matter of time before you find that girl for you. It's almost like the law of nature that we'll be with wrong people before finding the right one and everyone does, not only you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Teddy Bear View Post
I followed their advice when I was texting my ex. I said that girls were complicated and tried acting like a hotshot, it backfired and she still won't text me back when I apologize. And there are no negative feelings between us anymore. We broke up over a year ago.
Are you sure there are no negative feelings between the two of you? even a little? From my personal experiences and also observing from what happened with my best friends' relationships over years, I learned that even friendship couldn't ever be the same again after two people get into a relationship and then break up.
In some cases they even sat and talked about it -- that there will be no hurt feelings after the break up, everything will be alright and they'll be friends just like before. But it doesn't mean that the girl or the guy will act as a best friend and listen to every single story of how the ex has a crush on a girl/guy, etc.
And if you're seeking support from your ex, I think most of the time the chances that she will truly support you will be almost nothing since most likely she will take what she had with you in the past as a guide to your future relationship with other girls. So I suggest not to talk about girls with her. But other than that, random conversations will be okay.

Hope everything is all well with you


Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. - Alexander Smith

Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life. - Herbert Otto




   
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 12th 2012, 02:53 PM

I would like to say more, but I am short on time, so don't mind if things are a bit choppy.

First...every girl is different - not every girl will look for a hook up, not every girl will look for a muscle man, not every girl looks for a hotshot, not every girl looks for a sweetheart etc. It is just like guys.
It depends on what you are looking for - relationship? ok well first steps with a relationship are to get to know the person. Hookup? Start talking to them and flirt with them.

From the story, it sounds like this girl might have just been looking for a hook up -- she went to a hot tub at a lodge and when that guy flirted she flirted back.

Don't get so easily frustrated over things, if you want to find a girl...it will take time.
And again, with your frustration, not all girls are the same. It is the same about guys as well from a girl's view.


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  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 12th 2012, 05:24 PM

I am not sure what advice was given to you in the past, but I will give my input on your situation right now.

You simply didn't build enough rapport quick enough for her taste, or this other guy was more assertive in his intentions, and by the sound of things you sat back and watched.

As another poster said, you have an upside to the story. You were able to talk to a strange, attractive, scantily clad woman and hold her interest without too much of a problem. Being good (socially) with women is a learning process, and face it- there will be a lot of rejection. There will also be some success though if you just take every interaction you have as a learning experience. Hold your head up high knowing that you're moving forward socially.


"Ignore the ramblings of the ignorant, and step on or over their crumpled bodies as you make your way to the top of the mountain. Eat upon their flesh for fuel, and, through your determination and will, banish them to obscurity and a life of complacency and self righteousness that is the hell in which they live"

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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 12th 2012, 05:44 PM

Let me say this, you have done better then i could ever do lol
   
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 12th 2012, 08:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Choose View Post
You simply didn't build enough rapport quick enough for her taste, or this other guy was more assertive in his intentions, and by the sound of things you sat back and watched.
Well, I didn't know what I should've done then and there. If I tried to compete with that guy for her attention, I would've looked needy which I KNOW is a turn-off. And now, one more question. Let's assume Hot Tub Girl wasn't a total slut and I was able to get her number. Well, this could apply to any girl, really. If I did have success with some girl, and I get her number or go out with her, what should I do next to keep things going well?


1.)My first and middle initials spell "it".
2.)My first and last initials spell "is".
3.)My first, middle, and last initials all spell "its".
4.)Say my first name, then my middle initial. Ian-T sounds like TNT.
BOOM!
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Re: Can't take this anymore! - April 12th 2012, 09:13 PM

Have you ever seen the movie "Hitch?"

Yes it was a goofy romantic comedy, but there was some truth to a few of the things he said. The one I am thinking of is this: once you have her number, you're in. She liked you enough to give you her number and leave things open to the possibility of going out again. Without you doing anything fancy or special.

I find guys who haven't had much luck or experience with dating and relationships almost freak out more once they HAVE the number. They suddenly don't know what to do with themselves, how to look, how to act, etc.

We all want to look good. We all want to impress the person we like. It's natural. But the thing is, you'll impress her by being yourself. All you have to do is breathe, talk, walk, laugh, and act like you normally would, or as close to it as you can with how nervous you might be.

I've seen people, guys and girls, who have tried to get a relationship by going out of their way to impress the person they like. Saying they might be interested in something they aren't, acting super extraverted when they might be very introverted. Or just adding little details to things in one's life, like suddenly wearing fishnets to impress a goth guy. And they get the relationship. Their work pays off.

But then, they have to maintain the relationship. They can't suddenly drop whatever it was they did you get with the person. They have to keep pushing themselves to be the person their new boyfriend/girlfriend saw them as.

None of those relationships end well. So be yourself. Be authentic. Be your best, but don't be something you aren't.

Does this mean you will automatically be successful? No. You could have one date and it might be a dud. But you know for sure that she isn't the right person. Because you couldn't really know if someone was right for you if you were dishonest with them from the start.


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"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to."
"I don't much care where-"
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go."

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