Thread: Triggering (Abuse): Sexual sadism? I'm really scared
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Serendipity22 Offline
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Sexual sadism? I'm really scared - July 31st 2014, 03:11 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I am a fourteen-year-old female-bodied genderqueer individual. I'm sexually oriented (mostly) towards female-bodied people. I'm currently on vacation, so I can't talk to my therapist (no service for my cell, forgot her email). I masturbate very frequently, 5-9 orgasms a day, and I'm really scared because when I am masturbating my most arousing fantasies are ones where I'm raping/abusing girls around my age, especially this one girl I've had a crush on for a while (she's straight and turned me down when I asked her out). I'm still a virgin, I've never had a sexual partner before, so I've never acted on any fantasies. But besides in my sexual mind I don't want to hurt anything and I think everything has the right to live without fear. I suppose you could say I'm not an overall sadist, just a sexual sadist.

I'm really afraid that I'm going to hurt my future sexual partners or people that I'm strongly attracted to, like if we're alone together. I don't know what to do. Should I supress these fantasies? Should I find some literotica or something with a healthier narrative than sadomasochism when I masturbate?