[Juggalette Mommy]

since i was liek 7-8 ive been really really depressed.. but like.. its not all the time.. just like.. i guess flashbacks... but they got worse after i lost my son...


i think about getting old.. and the fact of dieing and yea,,,, like i am in no way suicidal.. im scared shitless of dieing... liek will it hurt.. will i b asleep when it happens... stuff like that... and then i think about my mom and dad.. and my brother... my dad has fiber myalgia... and my mom has PAD which puts her @ a hight rate for heart attack and my brother would lose it if something happened to either one of them.. hell id lose it....


and what about my brother... how am i supposed to handle that?? he has schizophrenia... so yea...


idk i just really need to get ahold of my fiancee and cry..