[Coexist.]

We cannot diagnose you with an eating disorder. However, from the amount you have been worrying about it, it sounds like you could very possibly have one. Have you talked to your parents/therapists/doctors about how you are feeling, and about your weight?

This cycle, as much as it's comfortable for you now, will not always feel that way. Eating Disorders get worse, and they make you feel trapped. Already, I can tell you feel trapped; you came here and asked for help. Look at what you wrote, and look at how long you have been suffering with these obsessive thoughts about your eating. Do you enjoy feeling like this? Wouldn't it be amazing to not have to worry about this anymore, and feel free to eat like a regular person?

I'd recommend you talk to somebody about how you're feeling, as scary as it may be. Maybe write them a letter, or an email about it. But silence makes things worse. Reach out and get yourself he help you deserve.