Triggering (Suicide): when will it end....?TW;//(Suicidal Ideation)

So..I am addicted to self-harm, cigarettes, and porn. I'm not proud of it whatsoever. In regards to the self-harm, I've been inpatient because I've attempted suicide by slitting my wrists or going to hang myself or trying to overdose. Not fun. None of my inpatient stays have helped, and my parents are beginning to do arm and leg checks. They don't really check my upper thighs so I'm going to cut there I'm pretty sure. I really wanna die. I wanna cut so deep I can't stop the bleeding. Is this bad? It is normal to have these thoughts 24.7 like I do? I have major depressive disorder and I've felt this way for 2 years. I started self-harming when I was 10, I'm 12 now. Nobody caught me until December a year ago. I wanna just bash my head into a fucking wall and kill myself. I wanna fucking die so much. When will this fucking end??? I don't wanna end up in the hospital again, since I just fucking got out, but I know I SHOULD tell someone, but I don't want too. I wanna just cut myself without anyone knowing...for one time fucking ever.

[Eerie In Wonderland]

Originally Posted by TherianLOVER

So..I am addicted to self-harm, cigarettes, and porn. I'm not proud of it whatsoever. In regards to the self-harm, I've been inpatient because I've attempted suicide by slitting my wrists or going to hang myself or trying to overdose. Not fun. None of my inpatient stays have helped, and my parents are beginning to do arm and leg checks. They don't really check my upper thighs so I'm going to cut there I'm pretty sure. I really wanna die. I wanna cut so deep I can't stop the bleeding. Is this bad? It is normal to have these thoughts 24.7 like I do? I have major depressive disorder and I've felt this way for 2 years. I started self-harming when I was 10, I'm 12 now. Nobody caught me until December a year ago. I wanna just bash my head into a fucking wall and kill myself. I wanna fucking die so much. When will this fucking end??? I don't wanna end up in the hospital again, since I just fucking got out, but I know I SHOULD tell someone, but I don't want too. I wanna just cut myself without anyone knowing...for one time fucking ever.

Hey dude, this sounds like a rough situation for you to handle. Especially since you're twelve. I was somewhat similar when I was younger, and I'm 14 now. You're seriously so strong for holding on this long, and it would be amazing if you keep on going. Self harm (and all addictions) is a total bitch to deal with. And I grew up in psych hospitals too, and maybe I get the fear of not wanting to go back. If you want someone to talk to I'll be here to listen.

I got the unholy trinity in mental health(depression, anxiety, ptsd) so I'm kinda fucked. Especially since I'm always in the environments that trigger one or more of the three disorders. It's so annoying. I have the fear of not wanting to go back, and I want to talk to someone about everything too, but I don't know how, especially since IRL I know I'll just get sent back to the hospital, which I don't want.

[Eerie In Wonderland]

Originally Posted by TherianLOVER

I got the unholy trinity in mental health(depression, anxiety, ptsd) so I'm kinda fucked. Especially since I'm always in the environments that trigger one or more of the three disorders. It's so annoying. I have the fear of not wanting to go back, and I want to talk to someone about everything too, but I don't know how, especially since IRL I know I'll just get sent back to the hospital, which I don't want.

Ayy, unholy trinity squad. It's painful when everywhere you go it's just "TRIGGER TRIGGER TRIGGER NO PEACE FOR YOUUU". If you ever want to talk to me about this I'll listen. And that fear is so valid, it's terrifying to think about going back.

I sent you a PM about some stuff cause I didn't feel comfortable saying it here