Self-harm Starting Up Again

[xMonicax]

I started to cut myself when i was 14 due to alot of things, including my anxiety. It dragged on for what seemed like forever, but i finally found a way out, years later. I was really proud of myself.

A few days ago, i got really upset and things got out of control. I had an X-acto knife next to me on the desk, so i took it and made one single cut on my leg. I put it down and decided i shouldn't start again.

Today, i had one of the worst melt downs ever. My entire world came crashing down. i started having a panic attack and i couldnt handle the stress. I took the sharpest razor blade i could find and destroyed my leg. It felt so satisfying.

What should i do? I don't want to start cutting again, but i've reminded myself of how pleasant self-harm can be. Questions, Comments, Advice? Help me.

[Ennui.]

Hey there,

I know that you have recently had a relapse, but remember that it does not define you and it does not ruin all of the amazing progress you have made. If anything, the fact that you got out of the cycle once shows that you can do it again, and maybe even make it even longer than before! You should still definitely be proud of yourself for making as much progress as you have, and use it as motivation.

Do you know what is triggering the anxiety that you are feeling? Identifying the things that are triggering you to get anxious or get the urge to cut may help you beat the cycle a bit. Has anything happened that made you feel this way? If you aren't sure, one thing you can do is keep a journal. In it, take note of the times you feel anxious or want to cut by writing down the date and time, where it happened, and what was going on. You can also write about how you dealt with the situation. Then you can look through this journal and see if there are patterns or events that may be causing you to feel this way.

This is a list of alternatives to self harm. These are healthier, safer ways to cope with what is going on in a better way. It can help you deal with anxiety as well as give you ways to cope without self harming. If one alternative doesn't work, try more, because one definitely will.

Try and find ways to express your emotions such as through writing, art, or music. Exercise is another way to release stress in a healthy, safe way.

You can also develop an "action plan" that you can use when you start to feel upset or anxious. For example, you can create a safe space where things are comfortable for instance, and maybe play some calming music. Or, you can make a list of people you can talk to when you feel this way.

This is a list of people who can help, and I strongly urge you to go to some of these people because you don't deserve to go through this alone. Someone can help you cope in a better way and solve your problems, and just be a great shoulder to lean on! I especially recommend talking to a professional such as a doctor or therapist, but you should also make a support network.

Stay strong, you can do this!

-Dez

[hocus pocus]

Like Dez said, this just shows that you're able to stay self-harm free for a long time again! You have to keep in mind that all of your progress is still there; it hasn't been taken away due to a relapse. Recovery is a process, not perfection, and it takes a lot of time. I think the things you do after a relapse are what matter the most. So dust yourself off and keep going!

I like the idea that was previously mentioned about writing things down as that is really helpful. You can also consider blogging. A lot of people on the site like to blog about their day or something that they find bothersome and it can be a therapeutic way of releasing feelings. Definitely check out the list of alternatives that was provided to you as well. Don't let the size of that list overwhelm you! Just start small, and try a few at a time because some are bound to work for you!