Triggering (SH): I'm upset. TW SELF HARM😔🥺

[Shauniex]

Hi,
I'm new and stuck if I should post. I self harm, and I have strong urges to self harm but I know im doing better then when if I self harm then I will fall back into my suicide state of mind which I don't want to be in. I'm so stuck and upset. 😔🥺

[Astro04]

Doing self harm won't change nothing.
Every time you get upset, someone in the world laughth at you. And why?
Only because they need it. They're sad people indeed.

[Shauniex]

Originally Posted by Astro04

Doing self harm won't change nothing.
Every time you get upset, someone in the world laughth at you. And why?
Only because they need it. They're sad people indeed.

Hi. Yeah I can hear you. Just feel like I can't live without doing it which is really upsetting for me because I hate my skin but I'd hate it more if I made more cuts.

[Shauniex]

I want to die

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello,

Welcome to Teenhelp and it is wonderful that you are trying to get help with what you are going through. I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and hope that you will be okay soon. When we self harm, it can be for different reasons and sometimes other people do not understand why we are doing this. When you are feeling like this, it can be a good idea to try something to get your mind off of this for a while, for example try going for a walk around your house or reading a book for a while or drawing or painting or writing or calling a friend or putting on a funny movie or TV show or doing something else that you enjoy doing and hopefully this can help pick you up for a while. Sometimes it can take a few things to help you get your mind off of this and make the feeling go away. If that happens, try not to get upset about this. Would you be able to try talking with someone at school and let them know that you are having a hard time with this and need someone to talk to. Try talking with the school counselor or if you have a favorite teacher and just talk about this or try writing them a letter and you can give this to them. I wish you the best and hope you will be okay soon.

[Shauniex]

I'm still here

Hey there, Shaunie, and welcome to TeenHelp. I see you've posted in a few places thus far. I am glad you are reaching out, and I am hoping you are finding some help in the responses you've received thus far.

Self-harm can be a very addictive behavior. When we self-harm our body often creates a rush of endorphins to cope with the pain we are causing to ourselves. The endorphins can be addicting from a physical standpoint and a psychological one, because it offers temporary relief from whatever emotion or situation we are feeling is too intolerable to endure without engaging in SH. Unfortunately, like many addictions, it tends to build upon itself by creating guilt and shame in the after-effects, and the cycle continues.

You said something very astute in a post above: you hate your skin, but you'd hate it more if there were cuts on it, and that is most likely true. It's great that you are managing not to self-harm, or even that you just want to stop! But if you keep doing it, it's quite possible you'll become dependent on it to deal with difficult emotions and situations, and that's a very, very hard habit to break. My hope is that, whether you've stopped or are just even thinking about wanting to stop, you have some compassion for yourself. It's an act of self-care to desire to stop, even if it doesn't feel like it. I also want you to know that this behavior doesn't always go away, and that lapses and relapses can be common. As frustrating and upsetting as that may be, it doesn't reflect on YOU or mean YOU are a bad person, failure, whatever negative thing you want to tell yourself about yourself, etc.

Keep in mind that those are the thoughts that can lead to further self-harm, so if you can, it can be helpful to refute them or correct them with more positive statements. It may seem kinda like bull, but over time it can become more natural. For example, instead of saying "I am a bad person," you can say to yourself "I FEEL like a bad person, but I know I am trying my best to take care of myself." You may have to play around with what works for you as a refuting statement. Again, you may not be successful every time, especially in the beginning, and that's okay. It takes time to learn a new habit, and even longer to break ones that have roots probably far back into our childhoods.

While reframing thoughts is often key to helping overcome something like SH, in the meantime it's important to find skills to use in place of it, especially in times of intense distress when you are at the most risk. There are many, many skills to use out there; Emmie suggested some wonderful ones above! Not every skill works for everyone, and like reframing statements, you'll probably have to do a lot of trial and error to see what DOES work for you. I know for me what I found most helpful was implementing skills that are physical, like sudden, intense exercise (like running, calisthenics, intense dancing, etc.), something that quickly accelerates your heart rate and uses a lot of energy in and for a SHORT period of time. I also find it helpful to chew ice or hold ice until it melts, or hold a frozen orange. Changing your temperature suddenly can be helpful, because it cools your autonomic nervous system. A more intense version of this can be a cold shower, or sticking your face in a bowl of ice water and holding it there for a few seconds. Those are just a couple of the more "intense" skill examples, but you can do anything from watching an episode of a (NON-triggering) TV show to completing a puzzle to going for a brisk walk...the idea is that it's enough to effectively distract you until you aren't so focused on the urge to SH that you're at a high risk of doing it.

I hope this helps. Please feel free to PM if you want to talk or have any questions. You've got this.

[Shauniex]

Originally Posted by Garyl

Hey there, Shaunie, and welcome to TeenHelp. I see you've posted in a few places thus far. I am glad you are reaching out, and I am hoping you are finding some help in the responses you've received thus far.

Self-harm can be a very addictive behavior. When we self-harm our body often creates a rush of endorphins to cope with the pain we are causing to ourselves. The endorphins can be addicting from a physical standpoint and a psychological one, because it offers temporary relief from whatever emotion or situation we are feeling is too intolerable to endure without engaging in SH. Unfortunately, like many addictions, it tends to build upon itself by creating guilt and shame in the after-effects, and the cycle continues.

You said something very astute in a post above: you hate your skin, but you'd hate it more if there were cuts on it, and that is most likely true. It's great that you are managing not to self-harm, or even that you just want to stop! But if you keep doing it, it's quite possible you'll become dependent on it to deal with difficult emotions and situations, and that's a very, very hard habit to break. My hope is that, whether you've stopped or are just even thinking about wanting to stop, you have some compassion for yourself. It's an act of self-care to desire to stop, even if it doesn't feel like it. I also want you to know that this behavior doesn't always go away, and that lapses and relapses can be common. As frustrating and upsetting as that may be, it doesn't reflect on YOU or mean YOU are a bad person, failure, whatever negative thing you want to tell yourself about yourself, etc.

Keep in mind that those are the thoughts that can lead to further self-harm, so if you can, it can be helpful to refute them or correct them with more positive statements. It may seem kinda like bull, but over time it can become more natural. For example, instead of saying "I am a bad person," you can say to yourself "I FEEL like a bad person, but I know I am trying my best to take care of myself." You may have to play around with what works for you as a refuting statement. Again, you may not be successful every time, especially in the beginning, and that's okay. It takes time to learn a new habit, and even longer to break ones that have roots probably far back into our childhoods.

While reframing thoughts is often key to helping overcome something like SH, in the meantime it's important to find skills to use in place of it, especially in times of intense distress when you are at the most risk. There are many, many skills to use out there; Emmie suggested some wonderful ones above! Not every skill works for everyone, and like reframing statements, you'll probably have to do a lot of trial and error to see what DOES work for you. I know for me what I found most helpful was implementing skills that are physical, like sudden, intense exercise (like running, calisthenics, intense dancing, etc.), something that quickly accelerates your heart rate and uses a lot of energy in and for a SHORT period of time. I also find it helpful to chew ice or hold ice until it melts, or hold a frozen orange. Changing your temperature suddenly can be helpful, because it cools your autonomic nervous system. A more intense version of this can be a cold shower, or sticking your face in a bowl of ice water and holding it there for a few seconds. Those are just a couple of the more "intense" skill examples, but you can do anything from watching an episode of a (NON-triggering) TV show to completing a puzzle to going for a brisk walk...the idea is that it's enough to effectively distract you until you aren't so focused on the urge to SH that you're at a high risk of doing it.

I hope this helps. Please feel free to PM if you want to talk or have any questions. You've got this.

Thank you so much Gary for taking your time to reply! This has helped and I'll be looking at the techniques!! Thank you, I did self harm but I'm taking care of it so!
Have a fabulous day,
Shaunie

[Shauniex]

I self harmed 😣

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

I'm sorry about this and hope that you will be okay soon. Try finding something to help you get your mind off of this for a while. Reading or drawing or painting or writing or calling a friend or putting on a funny movie or TV show or if you have a pet, play with them for a while or something else that you enjoy doing and hopefully this will help pick you up and you feel a little bit better.

Sorry to hear you self-harmed. I am sure that brings up a lot of difficult and possibly conflicting feelings. My hope is that you won't be too hard on yourself. It's very difficult to just say "okay, I'll never self-harm again," especially if you're still exploring other skills. The drive to self-harm is probably going to overrule for a while. The point is to keep trying your best. That's all you can do.

[Shauniex]

I have surgery tomorrow 🥺

I know surgery is pretty scary. I've had quite a few related to self-harm and it's always a daunting experience. I know I experience a lot of shame when that has happened. But the doctors know what they are doing, and they will take care of you. It's going to be okay.

[Shauniex]

Originally Posted by Garyl

I know surgery is pretty scary. I've had quite a few related to self-harm and it's always a daunting experience. I know I experience a lot of shame when that has happened. But the doctors know what they are doing, and they will take care of you. It's going to be okay.

Oh this isn't about self harm thankfully!!

[Shauniex]

I self harmed

I'm sorry to hear you self-harmed again. But, remember, relapses happen and it's ok! The important thing is trying to take advantage of what you have around you as a source of distraction. For example, if you feel the urge to SH again, try to go color, play a video game, read a book, call a friend. This will take your mind off the urge and thoughts.

TeenHelp has the Alternatives to Self-Harm list here, so I suggest taking a look at that and perhaps bookmark it for future reference. It's also a useful tool for other things as well, not necessarily just SH; it might be useful in moments of anxiety or anger as well.

You've got this.

[Shauniex]

I keep self harming I'm a failure

Originally Posted by Shauniex

I keep self harming I'm a failure

Hey Shaunie. I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling with self-harm, but please remember that doesn't mean you're a failure. It's a coping skill that can be hard to disengage from, and it takes time to do so. Even then, it's not always going to be perfect; the point is that you have a desire to do better and keep trying to do so. Telling yourself you're a failure only serves to perpetuate the problem by giving yourself more ammunition with which to hate on yourself, and you don't deserve that! You are a vibrant human being who is struggling, but deserves to love themselves and succeed. I hope you remember that.

Please feel free to reach out to me or anyone else any time you need support or need to talk. We're here for you.