Dilemma Involving Rape

[Smustard93]

I have raped my girlfriend multiple times throughout the last few months. It's disgusting to a point and I nor her know what to do..Obviously I am at fault for this. She wants to tell her Therapist so she at least has someone to tell because she loves me, doesn't want me to get into trouble and wishes to be able to get it out of her head and just have a good relationship again. But my girlfriend has told one of her closest friends who will testify if the cops were notified, which would result in a broken relationship, fixing nothing (in her eyes), and thus not ending in the intended manner. I, in no way, wish to go to jail and would gladly kill myself if it means that she would be happy again but she insists that, that is not what she wants. Going to jail doesn't help us reach a good relationship together again. I wish to know what exactly you think we, her or I specifically should do so that this ends with us back in a wonderful relationship. I, for a fact, know that I will never rape her again but I want this to be easy for her even if it isn't for me. It is Her wish, as it is also mine to remain in a loving relationship.


Background Information:
I, The Boyfriend: Raped multiple times by my brothers as a child.
Her, My Girlfriend: Molested multiple times by close family friends as a child.
Both of Us: Have attempted Suicide once in our lives.

[Toggle]

Personally I havnt dealt with something like this, but from a outsiders view. I would say talk to her about it, let her know that it will never happen again, she must also know your background with your brothers. you obviously want a serious relationship with this girl so just let her know, and never do that again. But you must understand how she wanted to tell someone, it is something that probly bugged her very much. Deal with your girlfriend show her you changed. what the friend does is out of your control

[Smustard93]

Indeed and i understand that she did have the need to tell someone and I agree with her. It just kind of hurt cause I definitely do not trust any of my friends enough to not judge me harshly and look down on me for what i have done to her. I do indeed feel bad for what i have done and have promised never to do it again. But I just feel bad cause her therapist is no where in touch and hasn't contacted her, so other than her unpredictable friend, she has no one to confide in.

[Coffee.]

I would really recommend you seek therapy yourself. By the story in your signature, along with what's going on, there is a lot of trauma being inflicted on you and by you, and you need help. Getting couple's therapy, along with individual therapy, would really benefit the both of you. Are you speaking to anybody currently? I really recommend finding somebody for you both to get the help that you need.

[WashoutThePain]

I recommend taking a break from your relationship. You can still be close, but I would refrain from any sexual behavior until you both can process what has happened and what you want to do from here. She has experienced a huge amount of trauma and abuse in her life, and I highly doubt she can cope with everything at this point. If you truly want the best for her, I suggest you stop having sex with her so she has time to think about things. You need to earn back some trust, not just with her, but yourself as well.

I also think you should be seeing someone, as well. Rape is a very serious crime, and judging by your suicide attempt and feelings at this point, therapy would be a good option for you. It's not okay to go around hurting others, and I am glad you realize this and want to stop. However, you need to address the issues in your life that are causing such behavior to have happened. It's okay to need help.


Please talk to someone about what has been going on. It will be better for you and your girlfriend.