Triggering: should i be on medication?

[chell-see]

urm, i dont really know if this is the right place i should be putting this, should it be in the suicide section?
anyway, life has been shit, i have tried to kill myslef 13 times..never worked, obviously... but i hear these voices in my head, and i see people. i am working with about 6 different "proffessionals", but none of them seem to help, and when i tell them how real the voices are, they don't believe me... they tell me its just my mind playing tricks on me, and they don't understand. these voices tell me to do things, and i cut, and im loosing weight rapidly. i feel like iv lost myself, and i dont even know who i really am anymore. i feel down all the time, and iv lost nearly all my emotions... im either full of hatred for everyone and everything, or im so fucking depressed that i want to die.
my mother took me to the doctors, and i could tell the doctor thought i was a complete fruitloop.... anyway, when she suggested medication, i actually got up and ran out the surgery, i know it sounds stupid, but im scared of pills and medicine, i dont want to have to take them, i want to be like everyone else: normal, not crazy, and not on medication. i ran outside and sat on the floor and creid, the doctor came out, and i could tell she was thinking i must be completely mad, and she said she was going to put me on some medication. i refused to take them though....
do you think mabey i should be taking them?

[Maverick.]

Are you being honest with the psychologists when you talk to them? I don't think they would actually tell you, that it is all in your mind. If you are hearing voices, they will do everything they can to help you with that. If that includes prescribing you with medication, then they will. It is your responsibility to take it. Even though I know you dislike taking it, it is only to help you. They would never give you anything bad to take. They only want to make sure that you are safe. You should be honest with them. I don't want you to hurt yourself. If you need to talk, we are here. But if you are talking with professionals, you should tell them exactly what is on your mind, if you want help from them. I don't want you to kill yourself. I want to give you a big hug. I feel so sorry for you. I just want to let you know that it is going to be alright. Don't be afraid to talk to the doctors. If they give you medicine, you should take it. IF you still need to talk, we are here.

[chell-see]

i try to be honest, but when i say things, i hear myself and i just feel really dumb sayig it. i told them about the voices, and they say that they will fade over time, and that my brain is just overloaded with stuff. they believe the voices are there... they just dont believe how real they are to me. i tell them what the voices say, but they said just try and tell them to go away, or ask them why theyre talking to me... nobody seems to understand that they are like real people in my head, and no matter how much i plead, they wont leave me alone.
i would take the medication, but i feel like that would be admitting defeat. i know that sounds stupid, but my pride is one of the only things i feel like i have left, and i dont want to loose it

[Maverick.]

It isn't admitting defeat. Think of it as putting a chair against the kitchen counter, to reach the cookie jar. You are just using this as an aid to help you. I can understand all of the trouble you are feeling. I just want you to don't think of yourself as giving up, when you are faced with having to take medicine. It is just something that you need to use, if you truly want help. It doesn't make you a bad person. It isn't hurting your pride. If you want to get help for your mental problems, you have to take all the steps. You are taking the first step right now. You are talking about your problem. You are admitting to yourself, that you are having trouble taking medicine. You don't want to take it, because you don't want to feel as though you are giving yourself in, or quitting, because you have to take it. You aren't. The medicine is only going to help you. If you talk to your doctors, and let them know how you feel, I'm sure you will do alright. You can always talk to us here whenever. We are always available for you.

[iDONTNO]

If you "give up" or "lose" your pride for a little bit, and take the pills, then i swear to you it will be worth it. You will gain back everything you lost; happiness, careness, ect. And pride.

[chell-see]

i really am scared about taking them though. i have a fear of medication, and i get so wound up about taking them, im usually sick straight after. then i just feel like a complete failure.
i know its really stupid, and that its not giving up,just getting some help, but i feel like if i cant even do this alone, then how do i do anything else? iv given up trying to get through the suicidal thoughts + cutting by myself, and i have got help for them, but this is one thing that i just cant bring myself to do. i hate having to talk to counselors/doctors etc about things, it really makes me feel dumb and defeated, and even though inside i know i cant, i still like to try and do it myself.