Recovery

[Sophrosyne]

I couldn't think of a good enough title so that's it

Anyway back to the point of this thread,
Lately I have come to realise that I have not actually been doing that bad. I was looking back at my old threads from like May and June last year, even though what I posted then had been going on for a lot longer than that, and really I still cry just from reading the responses, seriously I was so annoying back then (PS I want to apologise especially to Jessie and Ellie for how annoying I was yet they still were there telling me how great I was, that means a lot even now) but I have realised that I don't have those thoughts anymore. I mean, I know I'm still going to go through the motions but I don't want to die most of time anymore, and I have been learning how to manage everything better like the self harm.

I think part of this is just because I have had a better team around me helping like my psychologist and friends and stuff, but most of it is from being on here and just your continuous support and kindness no matter what.

I have this wristband that I wear that I basically have been wearing for several years, and it basically signifies the beginning of when I first started self harming and being suicidal. Even though I haven't been clean for that long, I have had less and less urges to do it anyway and the distances between wanting to have been further and further away, it got to every few weeks instead of every day. Anyway, because of what the wristband is for, I was thinking of when I see my psychologist again (She has gone on holiday for the Christmas break and is coming back next week or something) we could cut the wristband in half. It was like 2 dollars so its not that much of a loss anyway, but it basically cuts the knot binding me and my past. I feel like I'm rambling. The wristband thing is just my little thing though. I told like 2 people that when the wristband comes off, that it means that everything is ok again.

Whenever I need a reminder of how much I am worth, I just go back and read my past threads when I really was lost and completely desperate, and just going through the responses helps a lot, especially when I am struggling. I know I am not going to be fine all the time, I will go up and down, but I also know that I will never let myself go back down that low again, and that now I know where I can get support if I need it.

So overall, thank you guys so much, for responding to my desperate cries of help, my boy problems, when I got annoyed at my parents, and basically just when I had any questions or wanted support. It means a lot. ❤

Also, I feel like this is a really weird post but it is my recovery post and me going back to before the depression hit in but a lot stronger and wiser.

[Ennui.]

I am so glad that you came to this realization! You are doing so amazing, I can tell just by seeing some of your posts on here (speaking of, we need to talk more). It is always wonderful to have support around your side and it is so wonderful that you've had fewer urges. I think that cutting the wristband in half is a great idea and the symbolism behind it is so amazing! You really are worth it, you are worth recovery and you are worth happiness. Everyone has their ups and downs, but knowing that you can get through them is the important part.

You've got this! <3

[Sophrosyne]

Thank you so much Dez, that means a lot. We definitely need to talk more

[Celyn]

I know the feeling of looking at past threads, and feeling like you were annoying, but also realising how far you have come since then I can assure you though, that you weren't annoying and you deserved help- which I am so glad you got! I also really admire the wristband idea! It's normal to have ups and downs, but you sound like you've grown stronger and will be able to deal with the downs better.

Hope things continue to improve for you. Take care

[Sophrosyne]

Update: I cut the wristband before I saw my psychologist anyway, I just really wanted it gone.

Hi!

Thank you for sharing such an inspirational story. I was happy to read this thread.

First off, you weren't annoying at all. I was glad you were posting threads rather than battling everything alone. Everyone needs support and kindness, and you can always find that here. So never worry about being annoying, okay? We are so happy to have you here. I see your posts, and you help a lot of others as well.

Overall, I'm proud of you for how far you have come. You're such a strong person, and I hope that when you aren't feeling so strong, that you know we are here for you. And hey, friend? Message me anytime, and never give up. You do matter even at times when you do not feel like you do.

[Sophrosyne]

Thank you Ellie! That meant a lot.

[Evanesco]

Congratulations, especially on the wristband thing, that sounds like it was a really big thing for you. I'm glad things are going well, and good luck for your continued recovery, you can do this!