Smoking Parents

[Latinguy13]

I am very deeply troubled by my parents and i only have this website to turn to. I caught my parents smoking outside at around 9:00pm. They have not smoked in years and i am very shocked by the surpris. I told them to stop now or im taking the ciggarettes away from them. Then my mom tried to make a deal with me saying that if i get a 100% in my latin class then she will stop smoking! She has no right to force that upon me! My dad says it was her present for mother's day which pisses me off even further! Help me make them stop because it is really hurting my relationship with them.

[Ennui.]

I totally understand your concern. I know that my parents told me they quit smoking after my father got diagnosed with and survived lung cancer, but when I got a bit older I caught them smoking and discovered that they had been lying to me. It was really hurtful and it also was really worrisome to me. So, I totally can understand what you are feeling right now.

You are so right that your parents shouldn't be putting the pressure on you, saying that they will stop smoking if you make a certain grade. That is a really huge thing, and I can see it leading to a lot of stress, or even guilt if you don't make the certain grade. I think you need to sit down with them and talk to them about the stress that saying something like that can bring.

Let them know a bit about why you are concerned. They've probably heard the whole "smoking gives you cancer" thing tons of times, but maybe you can say something like you're really concerned and want them to be healthy and happy to see you do things like graduate or walk down the aisle (if you want to get married, that is).

But also know that smoking is a hard habit to quit. It is an addictive thing, after all, and some people have a really hard time quitting. Perhaps you can suggest ways for them to quit. For example, addiction counselling may help, or I've seen ads on TV for these prescriptions that are supposed to help. There are tons of methods out there.

But don't take it personally if they refuse to quit. It's something that they have to be ready to do, and nobody can really force them to. It doesn't mean they love you any less!

[Latinguy13]

Thx i will go talk to them tomorrow since i am still a little irate. I do know that it is addictive but my problem was that it was a present for mother's day. ill take your advice.

[Ennui.]

It's a good idea to wait until tomorrow when you're more calm. Talking to them while angry probably won't end well because it will turn into an argument or you wont be calm while talking to them. So good on you for waiting!