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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Make Believe Offline
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I'm lonely :( - April 13th 2012, 06:55 PM

My social life has gone down the pan. Right now I have one person I can truely call a "friend" I only see him once a week or so he lives 5 miles from me so it's not like I can just pop over his house whenever I feel like either.

My other friend has moved to England

I have friends in college (Catherine and Kim) but I never see them outside college :/ If I asked them to do something outside college I know they'd want to go to the pub I don't drink alcohol anymore. I probably won't see either of them next year when I finish these courses.

99.9999% of people my age want to go to the pub/bar, I just don't like it anymore.

I have my sister but I rarely see her anymore either now she's working.

The only people I see throughout the day are my parents. My mum's slowly driving me crazy.

It's just a few years ago I was always out with friends and I always had someone to rely on, now I don't My old best friend moved to New Zealand and she won't even talk to me on Facebook :/


"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

Last edited by Make Believe; April 13th 2012 at 07:09 PM.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I'm lonely :( - April 14th 2012, 12:03 AM

See, I think you have tons of friends, but not thinking of them as 'friends'. See, you need to broaden your horizons here. First, regarding Kim and Cathrine, If all they do is drink, then when you ask them to hangout, specifically say 'lets go to a movie'. Sure, drinking is a huge thing at the age of 18-28ish, but there are certain ways you can get people to go elsewhere. When you ask people to hangout, say 'Hey lets hangout tonight, maybe a movie or something.' Saying 'hey lets hangout' gives them the choice of picking where they want to go (the bar/pub). So be more detailed in your invitations.

Secondly, I think its time to build new friendships. Now I know its not easy - and no one wants to do it - but we have to. Join clubs, groups, or even get a part time job while in college. Something like these things can keep you busy, while opening up the door for possible friendships.

I often see people that lack friends, and they think they can just get them from staying inside the house, or in there own 'safe zone' - but in reality no one can build friendships like that. Alot of time, effort, (and in some cases tears) go into making friends.

So be more detailed when you invite people out. Build new friendships (and keep yourself busy) by joining a group, club, volunteering, or getting a part-time job. Open your eyes, open your heart, and friends will follow.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: I'm lonely :( - April 14th 2012, 12:13 AM

Hello Ceilidh,
sounds as though things haven't been all that easy for you at the moment. Sorry to hear that, but I'm sure things will get better soon.
Guess what - I don't drink either! This might seem like a pretty high obsticle to overcome, and with our society's love of partying/pubs/alcohol that's hardly surprising.
But - good news - there are plenty of people like you everywhere! Pubs aren't the be all and end all of life, after all. Quite often, teetotalism can be almost like a 'filter' in terms of socialising: for instance, if you were blatantly honest with your friends, then no doubt they would either distance themselves from you, or else accept that you're teetotal and strive to find things to do away from the pub. It may seem rather harsh, but if they don't see the true you, then they aren't really your friends. But trust the golden oldies when the tell you not to be pressured into anything that you are not comfortable with - your pals might seem a bit annoyed at first, but you'll be respected more in the long run.
Try taking the bus/train/bike or even a walk to see your friend five miles away - even just once a month, fortnight or week adds up to something, doesn't it?
As for your friend in England, you could give them a phone call or perhaps even write an old fashioned pen and paper letter for fun!
Perhaps your friend in New Zealand has moved on somewhat since you were close, or maybe she finds Facebook a little to informal. Lots of people like one to one contact - try emailing, and if there's still no luck, it might be time to let her go. Plenty more fish in the sea, they say - and dispite the cliche, they were right! So don't give up just yet!
Make sure you keep in contact with Catherine and Kim when you finish your courses - try exhanging phone numbers, emails, and remember the hand written letter for a bit of humour!
This may sound a bit geeky, or nerd-ish, but give evening classes a go! These are a great way of making friends and honing a new skill. There's loads of options to try, too, such as various dance classes, yoga, pilates, aerobics, art classes, local choirs and sometimes things like gardening groups - not as sad as it sounds! Even if you don't manage to make any companions here, you'll have learned a new skill and have a brand new talent to add to the list. Nothing ventured, nothing gained (my personal motto) after all.
I find that, personally, socialising is a learning curve that can take donkey's years to perfect (my dad just got it, and he's fifty!), and if you learn to live happily without friends, then when one (or more!) come along, it'll be an added bonus.
Don't let loneliness get you down, there really is great joys in life that come with solitude - I became a semi-professional author with spending time alone - so it can be a blessing! You could discover something new...you never know.
I run an email service where anyone interested in writing of any kind can give me a message and I can tutor them via email to hone their skills as a writer (you won't make friends, but you'll have fun!) and give them confidence and a qualtiy learning experience. And it's free - the tutoring, the knowledge, the acheivement! Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Just email me at:
lydiajefferies@googlemail.com to get started - anyone can do this, no matter how much experience they've had. Hope to hear from you soon, Ceilidh!
By the way - where's Godric's Hollow? I love the name!
Best wishes and hope to hear from you,
Lydia Jefferies
Semi-professional author and assosiate HelpLink mentor

Last edited by Chris; April 14th 2012 at 02:07 AM. Reason: Added information from post after; Combined posts.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Make Believe Offline
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Re: I'm lonely :( - April 14th 2012, 01:25 PM

Godric's Hollow is fictional village in Harry Potter I'm actually from Wales. I really should change it to my actual location

I probably should ask Kim and Catherine to do something outside college. Kim has a baby so I could play with her son too

Me and my sister keep saying we should join an evening art class so maybe we should do it

Me and Abi (my old best friend) just drifted apart before she moved to New Zealand. The last time I "talked" to her was when I said Happy birthday on her wall -_____- she just replied with "thanks"


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Re: I'm lonely :( - April 14th 2012, 05:56 PM

It sounds like you are not giving up - which is what I love to see! Try some of those things!

Play with Kim's son! Hangout with them outside of college! Join that Art class with your sister - the relationship you can build between your sister and yourself will be priceless. Put yourself out there alittle more - and things will improve!

You can always feel free to PM me.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: I'm lonely :( - April 16th 2012, 08:56 PM

I love wales! I live in Bristol on the West Coast of England, so I can look across the Severn and see Wales. Anyway.
No - keep Godric's Hollow as your location! It's cool lol
   
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Re: I'm lonely :( - April 16th 2012, 10:19 PM

I feel like that so often, i dont know if im paranoid and depressed or really ive just lost all my friends :/ if u manage to overcome id be really happy for you and id be glad if you could let me know how
   
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Re: I'm lonely :( [Edited] - April 16th 2012, 11:14 PM

I perfectly understand yo because i often am in hte same situation. Lonelines is not a sickness as cancer however can bring us to depression. I can not say it is easy to be cured nonetheless it is posible to be overcome. I say this to you because so many people have struggled but finaly gotten a way to free themselves from it. I still do not know what the forum rule's about link in post but i would like you read those both articles i have written last year .
My advice is to be friend first with your own self. When things do not appear easy think of so many opportunities life has offered you. when you can not find someone to talk imagine people who have mouth but can not open it to say a single word. love you life, accept the way it is and everything will be a day clear to you.

Last edited by Chris; April 17th 2012 at 02:01 AM. Reason: Removed weblink placed in title.
   
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