Triggering: Starting college.

[Stargazed.]

I don't know what I expect to get from this. I've been debating writing this all day. I think I just need some support.

I graduated high school on June 7th last year and I was so excited to start university. Well, anxiety got the best of me and I deferred my enrollment to the spring 2012 semester. So as the months went on, I started getting depressed because I was in the house everyday, all day. I did absolutely nothing from the hours of 8am, when I woke up, til 4pm when my boyfriend got home from work. I felt very alone and isolated. I was anticipating university to be a wonderful experience. Until I got that phone call. My dad took a bottle of pills as an attempted suicide. My world shattered and I grew closer to my mom and I just didn't want to go anywhere.

I deferred enrollment to fall 2012 but I decided that I couldn't stay in the house all alone for so many hours, every single day for that long. So I signed up for community college.. and I start tomorrow.

I'm incredibly nervous. I'm sure I'm going to get lost. I'm sure that people are not going to like me. I'm scared that I'm not going to have any more of a social life than I do right now. I'm scared of people seeing my scars and shunning me. I don't know why I'm so freaking nervous but I am. And I probably will stay nervous until I either graduate or transfer to another college or university.

I don't know what to do. When I get nervous, I SH. I'm eleven weeks SH free (as of Friday) and I don't want to break that. I want to stay SH free for as long as possible, if not forever.

I'm sorry. I know there are so many more important people to help and I'm just taking away from that. I just.. need support. I need to be reassured that I can get through this. Even if I can't.

[Choose]

Hey Brittany, I am sorry to hear about your troubles. It may seem like a daunting task to start something like college given what has been going on in your life, but this can be a chance to turn a new page IMO. You've done a great job with staying SH free, and I think you can continue to do so.

As far as your first day of community college, most people get lost on the first few days of the semester. I have found myself doing the same thing at my school haha. Even if it's not normally easy for you to make friends, the smaller class sizes in community college in comparison to the big lecture hall types seem to bring classmates closer together. Since you are focused on being more social than normal, you're already on the right path. I hope things work out for you, and if you ever wanna talk I can lend a pair of "ears."

[Storyteller.]

Brittany. <3

I think it's good you made this thread. We're here to support you, and by letting us know how you're feeling and what's on your mind, we're better able to do that.

After everything you've had to deal with, it's understandable that the idea of college is completely scary. I'm at the same point as you now (I start Uni next month), and I know that out of my whole circle of friends, even those who've been dying to go to Uni for years, not a single one isn't scared. Just because you're scared doesn't mean you can't be excited, and eager, and other things as well.

So what if you get lost? Nobody expects you to be perfect; there'll be plenty of other people as nervous as you, and I'm sure the college will have ways to help people adjust (like my Uni has a program with Mentors, orientation days, etc), because it's natural for you to take a while to adjust to such a change. One thing that might help you is to take some chances. I've found that when I push myself, I actually get more out of it than if I just wait for things to happen. So get as involved as you can, and try doing new things (like talking to a stranger, or asking a question in class). Slowly build your confidence up.

Being SH free for so long is great, and I know you can go longer. For now, just try to find other ways to deal with your feelings of anxiety. Maybe go do something active, like going for a run or playing a sport, or take some time to relax, for example by reading a good book or having a bubble bath. You don't need self harm; you're stronger than that. You can get through this, okay?

I'm here for you, whatever you need. Don't ever think you're not important or you don't deserve support. You are a wonderful person who's just going through a tough spot, and there's nothing wrong with asking for some extra support.

Take care.

[Katrina]

Brittany!! How's your first week going? Wow, I'm so excited for you that you started at a CC this week. That's fantastic. (: If you're feeling a bit overwhelmed... that's totally normal. However, as you settle back into the routine of going to classes every day and studying, I'm sure you're going to be successful. How are your professors and classmates? I can't wait to hear an update!

[FriendZoneMayor]

Hey Brittany. I just started my second semester at college (I, too graduated hs in the spring), and I had a lot of the same worries you did. Luckily for me, I was able to go to school a week early for marching band, and was able to make friends, so the beginning of classes wasn't so scary for me. While you obviously can't go in a week early to find your way around like I was able to, you CAN go out of your way to be friendly to others, so you can get the opportunity to make new friends and have people to explore the campus with

[Spicy_]

Hey Britt!

We all can relate to you, many of us have already started college and the first moments or the anxiety of walking into your first class of the day is very nerve wracking. I'm so happy to hear that you decided to start college already. College is a very different experience but with effective time management (which I don't have yet..lol) you'll have soo much fun!

[Stargazed.]

Wow, thank you everyone for your replies.

Update:
I successfully completed my first week of college. I only got lost on the first day and I found my way within ten minutes tops. I enjoy all of my classes except the part of Biology where I have to make powerpoints and present them, weekly. I enjoy my writing class the most. Figures. I have a bunch of homework already but all in all, I love it so far.

I met with an internship advisor and she says she can help me recieve a volunteer gig or an internship next semester at a grade school, in a classroom of children with special needs. That way I can gain experience with special needs children of that age (Because I want to be a psychologist who focuses on special needs, specifically Autism).

I'm really excited that I'm getting so many opportunities.

I can't wait to get my career going.