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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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Name: Jamie
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Angry Parents do not respect gender identity - February 12th 2015, 09:16 AM

So I came out to my mom as genderfluid, and I started calling myself Jamie. Jamie is the name I choose to go by and I do not use my birth name. All my friends call me Jamie, my girlfriend calls me Jamie, I own things with the name Jamie on them.

I'm OK they don't use my pronouns they/them/theirs. I know that's hard to change. But my mom even COMPLAINED about my name. "You know I went through all that trouble of picking a name the could easily be changed to be gender neutral and you don't use it,"

The reason I don't use it is because it's basically attached to my original gender.

Also, when my mom doesn't use my name, she calls me things like baby girl, and sweetie. It's bugs the heck out of me!

Why does my mom act like this?
   
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Re: Parents do not respect gender identity - February 12th 2015, 03:51 PM

Well, think about it, they (probably) picked out your name with pride and care and expected you to carry it with you your entire life.
I already have names picked out for my first son and daughter, Owen and Leah. Those are possibly my two favorite names, and if they decided they didnt like their names and they wouldnt use them, I would feel pretty upset. On the other hand, the kids after them are: James Bond, Clark Kent, Rapunzel, and Yoshi Mario Luigi Bowser (all one name). I didn't pick those names out with particular care or pride, so I wouldn't care that much if they didn't go by them.
I don't agree with it though that your mom would call you "babygirl". Its not like that was ever your name in the first place, plus you consider yourself gender fluid, so its just insulting. It seems like she just doesn't understand.
I'd say sweetie is actually gender neutral.
   
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Re: Parents do not respect gender identity - February 13th 2015, 01:28 PM

it's often very difficult for the older generation (parents, mostly) to understand and accept gender identity. So it's important to keep that in mind when having discussions like that with your mum, but it's also inappropriate for her to be acting the way she is.
it's tough for parents to get used to their children changing their names and or gender identity, but hopefully she'll get used to it soon.
Explain to her that that is the name that makes you most comfortable and that it bothers you when she invalidates that.
I hope she understands sooner rather than later!
   
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Re: Parents do not respect gender identity - February 28th 2015, 04:54 AM

As genderfluid myself I know the struggle. I haven't come out yet and my name itself is not gender neutral but I have adapted it to suit my needs. I have asked my parents to stop with the pet names and the condescending looks when I express myself more masculine or feminine as a personal means of feeling comfortable with my gender identity. Perhaps pronouns will take a while, I would suggest working it into a morning routine where you bring it up by addressing yourself as "daughter, son or child/offspring" to indicate "male, female or gender neutral" respectively. Feel free to pm me is u wanna talk more about it but I hope this helps a little bit


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