Never had a girlfriend

[Aesir645]

17 years old. Never had a girlfriend or been kissed before. What exactly am I doing wrong? I'm overweight but people tell me I don't look unhealthy. That I look like a football player or bodyguard. And bigger guys and much unhealthier guys than me can get a girlfriend but I can't. I'm not the stereotypical nice guy, to the point of letting people walk all over me but I'm not a douche. Students in my school seem to value material and physical things over mental. This puts me at a significant disadvantage. I'm Nigerian American and in mostly college level classes. The few nice, decent girls in my school are all taken. I don't have Jays or Nike's or "shoe game" as its called because my parents don't want me to have a job during the school year and I rather not use their money on something like shoes and clothes. If I want it, I want to earn the money to get it. And the girls who don't use how expensive someone's clothes to determine if they are dateable automatically assume that I am ghetto because I am black. These are usually the top students(asian and white) As a result, most of them look down on me. Once they get to know me, they start calling me funny, smart and friendly, so I'm automatically friendzoned before I develop any feelings for the girl. What am I doing that makes me so unattractive? Is it my looks or my confidence?

[Adam the Fish]

Don't. Worry.



There's still plenty of time, and someone will come along for you. Perhaps you just need to be pleasant.

Possibly the prejudices that you mention will affect you, but everyone will have things against them - you just have to let the best side of you shine through, and someone will appreciate you for who you are...which coincides with the lovely fact that they'll then be perfect relationship material .

Seriously, don't panic too much, and just enjoy being single for a little longer. Keep doing your best in school too, and in a few years time you'll have girls throwing themselves at you (*disclaimer - I don't guarantee that...but it seems logical * ).

Good luck, and I hope you find "that perfect somebody"!

[Lamia]

As someone who is also 17 and has never been kissed or had a girlfriend, I would say you're doing nothing wrong! If people value material things in your school over mental or whatever, they're probably not really worth going out with in the first place!

It used to be that I stressed about not having a girlfriend, and not having many friends, and all that. Then I realized that school is basically a bullshit popularity contest, and it's not in any way indicative of the life I'll have. So what you've never been kissed or gone out with anyone? I bet you're an awesome dude, people just don't take the time to get to know you.

Hang in there, things may get better when you get to college (I wouldn't know, I'm still in High School like you, but from what I hear, College can be pretty awesome.)

About the friendzone thing. It's perfectly fine to be in the friendzone. Are you sexually or romantically attracted to every girl your friends with? Probably not. So why should they be to you? "Just friends" is nothing to laugh at. As someone who doesn't have a whole lot of female friends (Used to have a bunch, but come High School, most of my friends and I drifted apart), I'll tell you I really miss it, and would love to be "friendzoned." I know it may sound cliche, but value those friendships. They're important.

In all, I'm sure things will work out fine for you, and you sound like a pretty cool guy. Just see high school social standing for what it is, pointless drama. Just keep smiling, laugh every day, and value your friends, and you'll do just fine.

[Ennui.]

Hey there,

I'm sixteen and a girl, but I know that I have never been in a relationship and never have been kissed either. However, from what I have read about you you don't seem to be a bad guy at all. You seem to be nice and caring, and I don't think you fit the stereotypes at all. It's okay if you don't have all of the fancy new items out there. Don't change for anyone else. Be yourself!

The thing about all of those material items is why would you want a girl who cares so much about them anyway? If she loves you just for what objects you may have, then does she really love you for you? I know it may be tough to see now, but there will be a girl out there who will like you for your personality, not just your checkbook. Dating isn't about who has the most money or the coolest items. It's about being there for your partner and loving them, and them doing the same for you.

So, focus on school, friends, and having fun for now. There's no rush to get a girlfriend, really. Even if it doesn't happen right now, it will happen for you, maybe even when you least expect it!

Hang in there!

-Dez