Met a guy...

[Silvan]

..........

[Sprite-1]

I'm sorry you've had such an unnerving experience with this guy. I agree with you that his behaviour was erratic in the situations you experienced. From my rather limited experience, namely in The Hole, there were older men acting exactly the same way and they were staff. Blowing hot one minute, and then blowing cold the next is confusing at least, but very irritating because we don't know where we stand. Maybe the guy has a personality problem? Maybe his erection problem has something to do with his erratic behaviour? Not your problem of course. That's for him to sort out.

You said you didn’t believe a man more than 10 years older could be attracted to you. Well, even older men can roam their eyes over younger women, and that includes me! I have long blonde hair and very blue eyes and believe me, I get leered at all the time by men lots older!

Even though I'm a young teenager, if I sense something off about someone no matter how innocent they give the impression of, I avoid them. In fact, my experiences of living on the streets taught me to always plot an escape route. It pays to be wily. It could save your life!

Don't hesitate to break off with this guy. Of course you will be pleasant about it so he doesn't take offense. Just say "See you around, have a nice day." Smile, then walk off.

As a precaution when being invited to someone's home, always always tell someone. Like a friend. I'm very untrusting so there is no way I'd be going anywhere without at least a friend or a family member or my boyfriend Ted where I'm going.

Do take care. Stay safe. Especially from older men who do what my sister says "Giving the glad eye."

[Rivière]

Based on what you've written, it does come across like he was manipulating you for one thing and that was it - sex. If he was really interested in the 'whole you' why would he behave in such a peculiar, withdrawn manner after each time you head up to the bedroom. If he liked and cared about you as more than just this, if you think about it, there'd be more emotional involvement from his side.

Sure, you could put it down to a dysfunctional childhood. Sure, each person's situation is different. However, how a person chooses to treat someone outside of that environment is up to them. It's his decision on whether or not he actually tries to make an effort with you. He clearly isn't.

It already raises a red flag to me regarding the fact that he started crying because you wanted to go leave for massage practice with the rest of the group. Maybe he has some mental health/emotional issues to work through, but this seems all very sudden and peculiar behaviour. Especially for somebody who has just known you a few days.

It sounds like he obviously has a lot of things to work through and maybe just needs a good friend. However, I do worry that you'll get emotionally roped into his behaviour and get dragged down by it. That's not good. If he does have genuine mental health issues, he should be encouraged to speak to someone or at least try and get some form of help.

In my personal opinion, it's entirely up to you how you proceed, but there are already giant red flags that demonstrate there's a lot going on with this guy than meets the eye.

[Silvan]

Originally Posted by Sprite-1

Well, even older men can roam their eyes over younger women, and that includes me! I have long blonde hair and very blue eyes and believe me, I get leered at all the time by men lots older!



As a precaution when being invited to someone's home, always always tell someone. Like a friend. I'm very untrusting so there is no way I'd be going anywhere without at least a friend or a family member or my boyfriend Ted where I'm going.

With all due respect, I don't think you understood me correctly Of course I know men may be attracted to younger women physically. What I meant was genuine attraction towards other person's character, behaviour and way of life.
I never stay at somebody's place without a friend knowing the address.
Thank you very much for your reply.

Originally Posted by Rivière

Based on what you've written, it does come across like he was manipulating you for one thing and that was it - sex. If he was really interested in the 'whole you' why would he behave in such a peculiar, withdrawn manner after each time you head up to the bedroom. If he liked and cared about you as more than just this, if you think about it, there'd be more emotional involvement from his side.

Sure, you could put it down to a dysfunctional childhood. Sure, each person's situation is different. However, how a person chooses to treat someone outside of that environment is up to them. It's his decision on whether or not he actually tries to make an effort with you. He clearly isn't.

It already raises a red flag to me regarding the fact that he started crying because you wanted to go leave for massage practice with the rest of the group. Maybe he has some mental health/emotional issues to work through, but this seems all very sudden and peculiar behaviour. Especially for somebody who has just known you a few days.

It sounds like he obviously has a lot of things to work through and maybe just needs a good friend. However, I do worry that you'll get emotionally roped into his behaviour and get dragged down by it. That's not good. If he does have genuine mental health issues, he should be encouraged to speak to someone or at least try and get some form of help.

In my personal opinion, it's entirely up to you how you proceed, but there are already giant red flags that demonstrate there's a lot going on with this guy than meets the eye.

Thank you, Sarah. I've been thinking exactly what you've written. And I needed someone completely detached from the situation to simply tell me: this man's behaviour towards me is wrong. I know I'm not going to continue this relationship.



Lots of love to you both.
S

[Sprite-1]

Thank you Sue.

[MsNobleEleanor]

Thread closed by the request from OP.