dating a guy who uses illegal substances?

[justme1119]

Well I really feel like he's the one. This guy I met last summer. We don't go to the same school I met him in summer camp. He lives in my neighborhood. He's one of those kids from like a perfect suburban family. But he doesn't look down on me like many do at school and stuff. I've had a rough year as a freshman in high school. He's always been there for me and helped me not to go over the edge when I felt like I was going to jump over figuritively. He understands me as I am and I feel we're one in the same almost in a fake way but it's real and it never gets annoying. All I really feel I need in this world is him. That's who I spend it with. I don't even need to go somewhere special everyday with him. And I don't feel he likes me for my body but for me we haven't actually done anything sexually more than a peck on the cheek. I have been used a thousand times and it never really seemed I mattered more I was just like a toy. That I don't feel now. He's been the best friend I could have. I feel like I've completely fallen in love that he is my one only. He asked me out and we're now dating. Only thing is I worry about my addiction. Like he uses I know that last summer we used to get high together we like some of the same stuff. Not exactly but it sometimes overlaps. I was fine with his use. It's not like he's not supportive that I quit. In november mostly. He's backed me ever since he understands it's not for everyone. But idk seems like weird like I'm transgressing doesn't matter either way I spend a lot of time with him and I've still stayed clean. But nothing gets in the way of true love and I know I can't deny my feelings... Idk

[PurpleMoon]

Hey, firstly I'm very happy for you that you quit!

Any, its fine dating a guy that does it there isnt any problem but you need to remember that if you get involved it with him that there is a risk or you doing it again and that unlike you he doesnt want to stop and you cant force him too...

I really hope this helped

Billie

[NevermindMe]

I hope you realize that if he gets caught in posession of drugs you're going to be one of the first people the police, and your parents investigate because of the time you spend together. If you're clean and have no skeletons to hide, go for it if it means that much to you, but if you have something to hide then you need to be doubly careful.

Regradless, realize you're only 14. Statistically it's unlikely you've met the person you'll love the most and it've unlikely you've met your best friend for life. So please realize that you have other choices, and if he ever shows violence to you, or tries to pressure you into drugs again that you're young and you have a whole world of possiblites yet.

- Justin

[Brandon]

I'm not in the same situation, but I can understand. My girlfriend drinks alcohol, and I'm highly against it. The bottom line is that...I either have to put up with it, or put out. I fell in love with her before I found out that she liked alcohol so it's a situation where I either have to learn to accept it, or move on to someone else. If I love my girlfriend and she loves me too, she's willing to compromise: I tell her to not drink in front of me, and...sometimes she has, forgetting that it makes me upset, and throws it out, and I've recently asked her to not call me unless it's an emergency when she celebrates her 21st birthday in May.

Just an idea from personal experience...

[bitesize]

Originally Posted by JKmadu619

Regradless, realize you're only 14. Statistically it's unlikely you've met the person you'll love the most and it've unlikely you've met your best friend for life.
- Justin

Without wanting to be too patronising, I fully agree with the above. It is your choice, but you may find it very tempting to slip back into your old habits if you're writh someone who still has them. The fact that you had to ask us about it as well means you might be a little unsure about the situation. In my opinion, I don't think the risk is worth staying with him, but it's your decision to make.

[Dr.Bobby]

If you used a lot of drugs (esp. at 14), chances are you have issues with dependency...in general. So, it follows that you'd be so absorbed by this guy. That's a warning to you that the genie might still be out of the bottle, and that needing him as intensely as you do is not such a good thing AND being with someone who you feel so strongly about AND uses is double trouble, right? So, the best advice one can offer is that maybe before you jump into this you should sort out your dependency issues so you can retain some perspective..and self control. Otherwise, you might find yourself back in that hole again...if not with drugs, then with needing him.

[justme1119]

I was forced to use when I was a kid. I feel I need him because he feels like the half that keeps me whole. Idk

[Dr.Bobby]

Originally Posted by justme1119

I feel I need him because he feels like the half that keeps me whole. Idk

Hun, that ^ is the definition of dependency.

This is not necessarily a good thing. You should like someone, even want them. but when you NEED them to feel whole, that's a bad sign. Relationships enhance life, they don't make up for what's missing inside. When they do, it usually means you become overly dependent on them for things other than the stuff people (and relationships) are supposed to provide.

Be careful!

Drugs and dependency in relationships are never a good thing. Things just usually end up getting really messy and end in heartbreak.

It's awesome that this person treats you well and respects you and values you for who you are. That's how friends should be.

However, the problem comes when that person is the only thing holding you up. When you feel like that person makes you whole, or that you need them to get by. They become a drug in and of themselves, and they are only human. What's going to happen when you get in a fight, or when he is really upset about something? What are you going to do? Most likely, you are going to fall right down with him, because he's the only thing you stand on.

I really recommend taking a step back from this, because it's only going to get harder to disentangle yourself the further you get into it. You need to keep away from drugs, not because he stops you or gives you something to stay clean for, but because YOU want to for your own health and wellness. You need to be in a relationship with him because you enjoy his company and companionship, NOT because you need him to even feel happy. Most of all, you need to be able to value yourself on your own, because if you don't you are not going to be able to have a successful relationship.

I know it's hard to hear these things at fourteen, and I know it's hard to think this probably isn't going to last forever. It probably won't, though that doesn't mean you can't have a wonderful experience and learn and grow and share happiness with someone.

But none of that's going to happen as long as he's your drug. You have to find your own way to battle your addictions. I promise, your life will seem brighter once you do.