| xoxo_gossipgirl |
A message to my younger self.
I have found this way of dealing with my feelings really good, so i'll be sharing this just in case someone finds it helpful or inspirative too. To whoever is reading this, have a good day!
We’re 16 now. A lot has happened. Really, really, reaaaaally a lot.
But we’re still standing strong 
And that’s because even in the moments when we had absolutely no idea what was happening, why it was happening, why we deserved it, or how to cope—we made one decision: We won’t give up. We’ll keep going, no matter what.
Because, just like back then, we deserve to laugh freely and beautifully.
We deserve to be happy. And even if, at times, that felt like an illusion or a completely unimaginable idea-one day, it can become real. As long as we never give up. It’s been a tough battle. And you were just a child.
Nine years old. Ten. Not really more than that. That’s when you started looking the world in the eye, didn’t you? You got tired of always searching for something-that connection, that magical “thing” that would fix everything. You realized it doesn’t exist. But you do.* And you understood that you’d have to take care of yourself. You did what you did. And even though you, at 9 or 10, reading this now, are blaming yourself for all of it, tearing yourself up inside-believe me: it wasn’t your fault. You were just a child. Living life for the first time.
It’s okay to talk about it. To tell someone. That weight is way too much for you to carry alone. Don’t cry alone in your room. Go. Tell someone how you feel.
What you feel-that’s proof you exist. That there’s something inside you. That you’re not empty. Show it to someone.
In this universe, now that I’m 16, that never really happened. We went through the much harder path instead. There were many times I wanted to end everything.
Did you know that? I thought, I can’t do this anymore. But then I remembered you.
How you cried, completely alone. I remembered myself, crying, completely alone.
We’re the same person. It’s funny how I separate us. But somehow, magically, even though I still didn’t understand why any of this was happening, when I remembered you, I reflexively thought: Keep going. We’re going forward.
It won’t end until I bring you to the other side. To the side where happiness is real.
Until I bring us there. And that’s how I kept going a million times over.
You’re not alone anymore. You’ll see when you turn 16. You’ll have so many good friends. You’ll lose some along the way, but you’ll survive that too. The ones who stay will make you so happy that the sad times from the past will start to feel a little less heavy—even though they had nothing to do with the past. You’ll find yourself thinking:
"If I have all this now, then in no universe will I ever regret not giving up back then."
With those friends, you’ll make so many memories. You’ll laugh soooooo much.
Did I already say "so much" ? Ahahaha. You’ll constantly feel inspired to become better, just by being around them.
And every time you remember your old self, you’ll want to say-just like I do now, to scream at the top of your lungs until you lose your voice:
"It will get better! Keep going!"
And she won’t hear you, probably. But maybe… she’ll feel something. Who knows?
Because at the end of the day-we’re one person, right? You are part of me.
And I only became who I am today because you never gave up.
To you, from 7 years ago.
From me, from 7 years later.
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