It's late and I'm tired but I have been wanting to get some stuff out and I should write it so that I can sleep knowing I have said it.

I recently applied for a coaching scholarship and I got it, bit I didn't want to tell anyone. I'm not sure whether I deserved it or not.
My anti depressants I think have taken a swing and gone to bad. But I don't know if that is just the weekend before school or the meds... I have been suicidal for a few days now. But it's not like it's worse than before the meds I just only can focus on one thing and it makes it hard to do anything else.
I don't know why I have written this and it probably makes no sense.

Hi!
This should help: why not think this is like a job for you? Do your best during these times and after that you're finally free to do what you want.