ART8848 Offline

So, I am completely new at this so I don't exactly know if this is the right place to be doing it, but I need help. When I was in 8th grade, there was a guy who would make me sit in the back of the class with him and while were back there he would continue to touch me in inappropriate places, but whenever I refused to let him he would hit me. Eventually I started keeping a sewing needle in my bra and one day when he started to touch me I pulled it out and stabbed him with it. He told the principal that I did it unprovoked so I got in trouble. I tried to tell him what really happened (my mom even came in and talked to him) but nothing was done. He believed him more than me. I switched my schedule so I wouldn't have any classes with him and I sat in the library at lunch so I wouldn't have any chances of seeing him.

I thought everything would be better after that, but I didn't even think about PTSD, in fact I didn't even know that existed until I had my first panic attack when my sister accidentally bumped into me and her hand accidentally touched my butt. But when I learned how to manage my panic attacks, my step brother started touching me inappropriately, I told my mom and she told me that "he is a boy and he just needs to figure out how to control himself" and then she didn't do anything about it because she didn't want to leave my step dad. He continued to do it and I just stopped trying to tell anyone because I got used to the fact that nobody would do anything or would just make excuses for them.

Eventually though, my mom divorced my step-dad at the time the summer in between my 8th and 9th grade year and when I tried to kill myself my parents had me switch to a different school district so I wouldn't have to see either of them again. When I was a Sophomore in High School I had sex for the first time because I wanted to get the feeling of them off of me, but it just made me feel worse. I am going into my Junior year in High School and I just feel more violated and gross then ever. I was just wondering if anyone knew how I could get this feeling away because I've tried drinking, cutting, therapy ect. and nothing is working. I just want to feel better, I just don't know how..