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* J.mccaulley OfflineMember |
Last Activity: January 23rd 2014 08:23 AM
About Me
- Basics
- Name
- Joshua
- Gender
- Male
- Location
- Central, PA, USA
- About
- About me
- During my teen years several significant events took place and lead me to a downward spiral. My mother became a stroke victim when I was just 16 years old, the first event that ultimately lead to a life of substance abuse, self mutilation, depression and several failed suicide attempts. I began coping with living alone while my mother was in a Pittsburgh hospital for three months, relearning the basics of life. The first time I got out to visit her, she had no idea of who I was, my name, nothing. I was devastated. My world had been completely flipped, twisted and thrown into the ground. In coping I began skipping school for days on end until I turned 17 and I regretfully dropped out. I began cutting, using drugs to hide the pain until it became to much to handle anymore. That night I gave up, my spirit was crushed my girlfriend had broken up with me I had nothing left and nobody to hear my cries for help. I made my first attempt at suicide. It ended with my sister finding me. I woke in the hospital receiving blood transfusions. Shortly after I tried again, this time using a very high dose of heavy sedatives. I was gone. two days later I was found on my bedroom floor. I woke in ICU in and out of consciousness for three days. I came out of it to be told the story of the previous three days and all the people who had come to my side to say their goodbyes after being told there were a slim chance I would make it through it, the drugs were already in me. Any stomach pumps or flushes would have been useless against the chemicals that were running through me. I not only suffered from the stories of family and close friends coming to my side but from chemical burns from the high dose of sedatives. There were such a high amount of chemicals flooding me it burned me from the inside out leaving me with scars on both feet, the furthest place from me heart. I survived again. In the following years I tried another time which lead to 37 stitches transfusions and scars. Were these attempts or a brutal way to call for help? Honestly I don't know. I know I am still here and I am reminded everytime I look in the mirror, every shower, every day. I made it through. I only share this much information because I know so many people are and were like me. I still live with a lingering depression but I have learned positive ways of coping with the condition. My diagnosed Manic Depressive Disorder ( MDD ) is no longer apparent in my life. Recently a close friend pointed out that when a friend of mine is in need, more often than not they come to me for advice. He pointed out that my experience and lessons learned the hard way made me rather good at giving advice and talking to others about their problems, from depression to suicidal tendencies to the everyday life problems we all face. After this talk I was asked what I want to do with my life. As a teen I had a mobile therapist and this man was incredible and I cant thank him enough for what he has done for me and the lessons he taught me are priceless, I will never forget these people who helped me overcome my struggles. I now have decided I would like to share my exp. with others, I want to help kids like myself once was. Just a kid with a pad and a pen, headphones and music and ultimately a dream. Not a dream of wealth or great things but a dream I would be alive the next day and the day after. I am now 25 yrs old. I work in high end landscaping, far from a dream job but it pays my bills and takes care of my little nephew whom I have taken under my wing. Point is recently I have struggled with the " what am I going to do with my life " question. Well I want to help those who seek it, those who need it and the ones who just want someone to chat with about life. I found this site in my search for ways I can do this without spending years in a classroom, though I intend on beginning classes and become licensed in the field. This site is a great thing, I fell in love with the positivity and amount of feedback to people in need, and decided this is the kind of place I should begin my quest. Please feel free to message/email me for further information or just to chat. Email - J.mccaulley09@gmail.com
- Details
- Here for
- Like to help and be helped
- Relationship status
- Single
- Sexuality
- Heterosexual/Straight
- Ethnicity
- Caucasian/White
- Education
- Graduate
- Occupation
- Landscaping
- Religion
- Pagan
- Zodiac sign
- Capricorn
- Interests
- Books
- Anything on Eastern Culture and ancient pagan practices. New world Wicca / modern Wicca. Well anything really I love reading.