rainbow99 Offline

Hey... I haven't done this before! I guess it's kind of weird, typing exactly what you're thinking in your head, yes it's weird, but it feels kind of good too, I feel more relieved, maybe?

I don't even know how to start this message to be honest. What do you call it? a "thread?". This probably isn't intriguing at all, I think I need to get straight to the point to be honest.

Any of you experienced depression before? Feeling sad... but it's not just "sad." It's like the saddest of the saddest, like if there was a scale, it would be right at the bottom. yeah... that kind of sad and there's that emotional hole in your heart that you just can't seem to fill. it actually HURTS. like it's a painful but numb sensation in your chest, it's there for hours, days, weeks... months. It hurts. You also feel just really pointless, like what's the point!? "What's the point in me doing this work?" "What's the point in trying?" "What's the point in BREATHING?"Well... yes, i went through that... i didn't get any professional help, I didn't talk to anyone about it, I just got on with it. 4 months later and feeling as low as ever, I opened up to one of my teachers from school about something that was triggering me to feel this low. It took time but i started to feel better! Talking DOES help in some cases, especially my case.

I'm fine now, I'm proud of who I am, what I have achieved and who I have become as a person, I am always growing, that's what life is about. One of my best friends... lets call her Angel, well she's going through "clinical depression" right now but hers is worse than mine ever was, a lot worse.... She's being self harming for so long now... I would say it's been about 2 years now, maybe 3. Angel is just the perfect human being, like I don't even know! She's so beautiful and intelligent, she makes me laugh consistently and I love her so very much. she puts up a front every single day just to "trick" people into thinking that she is the happiest girl alive, but she's not. She's been through a lot in the past, her mum and dad have split up, one of her best friends committed and I'm guessing her diabetes isn't exactly easy to deal with! Recently (last week), Angel told me that she was feeling suicidal, knowing that she self harms regularly to take away the numbness and the emotional pain she obtains, I kind of had a feeling that she was feeling like this but her telling me was a STEP. Was it a cry for help? I don't know, but I did know that if I just stood by and watched, she would do something incredibly stupid. So I took action, I went to a teacher at school and told them everything I know, I feel like I have betrayed her but I know it was for the best. When the teachers had a word with Angel, she kind of put 2 & 2 together and realised that I had "spoke to them" about her. She gave me a hug and told me she wasn't mad at me, then she was strangely in a good mood after that. and the day after that. and the day after that. It was only tonight that I realised this was all a "front" too. She says she's angry, but she said she wasn't mad at me. I feel mad at me though!
I don't think i could of got though this without Angels boyfriend; "ollie." He is literally Angel's rock and has been mine too these past few weeks why we try and keep Angel as "up" as possible. haha.

Do you think I was right to have told the teacher?
Do you have any ideas on what i can do now? Angel really doesn't want to go back to her CAMH's appointments as she's been skipping them quite recently. She doesn't want any help of nobody.

WHAT DO I DO!?
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO? :/