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* xeafx OfflineMember |
Last Activity: August 6th 2009 12:12 AM
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Thanks for telling me about this
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Formally, welcome to TH
You can PrivateMessage me anytime with any problem, or just msn...you know
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Ahahaa, found you x
About Me
- Basics
- Name
- Emma
- Gender
- Female
- Location
- England
- About
- About me
- Hey, I'm Emma, nice to meet you :)
To be honest I don't really know what to write, so I'll write whatever comes into me head. I live with me mum, Beryl, and sister, Sara. Sara's 18 and is a diabetic, she also has a lot of other shit wrong with her, and me mum has depression.
Me dad, Mark, isn't really a part of my life. When I was younger we used to see him like two to three times a year but as we've got older we tend to see him more often. Like six or seven times a year. It's weird because when he's not here I miss him and want to see him, but when he is here I want him to go away. I've found that I don't really know what he looks like, like to you that will sound as though am a freak, but I mean because we don't really see him I forget what he looks like, it sounds awful but it's true. I tend to have an image of what he looks like in me head, but that image is wrong. He lives in Nigeria at the moment, but moves to live all over the world.
Basically, I know I'm rambling but at this point in time I don't care, it seems to be helping me just to talk about me and me life, I know half of you wont read this but hey, that's your choice and I don't blame you if you don't.
Anyway, me sister got diagnosed with diabetes when she was ten so I was seven. It was hard because my mum was always in hospital with her and stayed nights there with her too, so it meant that I was passed around to different people as me dad wasn't here to look after me. I hated it because I wasn't confident in mesen and just in general didn't like to be around adults.
Also, when I was nine me mum and dad got divorced and that was hard too. It was weird because now I look back and don't see it as a big deal any more, partly because I've grown used to it and also because he never lived with us anyway so it wasn't much different, I think it was just the words that sounded scary to me.
When me sister got diagnosed I started to control me weight, I didn't do it on purpose it was just because whenever I ate I felt sick and before meals I always worried and felt sick too, I think it was because I hate eating around adults, it again sounds weird but it's true. And when the divorce was happening that's when it got bad, I was diagnosed with anorexia and had had it for one to two years already. Altogether I had it for three to fours years. At the time I did lots of sport like diving, gymnastics, trampolining, cricket, athletics, netball and football. That didn't help as I was always tired and eventually was forced to stop by me doctor as she said I was killing mesen. I miss it all now, but I feel I don't have the confidence to take it back up, you may be thinking that's bull and I should just start them again but yeah, that's up to you. Now I'm good but I do tend to get the odd relapse.
I have counselling and have had it for seven years now, I also have family counselling with me mum and sister, we've had that for nearly two years.
Whenever me mum used to go out she blates got people to babysit as you do because we were young, we normally got people we liked which was good, but the odd time we had this man that was trusted by the family as he was a family friend and a respected member of the community. It turned out he was a paedophile and got sent to prison. That shat us up as we trusted him, but fortunately for us it wasn't girls he liked it was guys, but even still, you don't expect someone you know and trust to do that. Me mum is now friends with him again and I hate her for it as I don't understand why she'd want to be, but that's life I guess.
I think all the stuff gone on went to me head because last year is when I started cutting. I couldn't help it but it seemed to help, so far I have stopped as I haven't done it in a few weeks, I'm actually proud of mesen and hope I can keep it up.
I've probably written in too much detail here but please don't judge me.
If you have taken the time to read this, thank you, and I would like to try and help all of you that has gone through similar things.
I'm going to stop rambling now, so I hope I'll talk to some of you later, bye.
- Details
- Here for
- Like to help and be helped
- Relationship status
- Single
- Sexuality
- Heterosexual/Straight
- Ethnicity
- Caucasian/White
- Education
- High School
- Politics
- Don't know
- Religion
- Atheist
- Zodiac sign
- Scorpio
- Interests
- Hobbies
- Being with friends
Going out
Sleepovers
Night out in the town
Texting
Listening to music - Music
- I like pretty much everything, from dance to screamo, pop to metal
- Movies
- Pretty much everything again apart from stuff like science fiction
- Television
- Don't really watch it, but if I do then soaps 'cos am sad like that :P
- Books
- Real life stuff
- Sports
- Diving, swimming, football, rounders. Anything really
- Heroes
- All of my friends
- Favorite quotes
- Here are just a few of the quotes I like from songs.
My tears run down like razorblades I know I'm not the one to blame it's you, or is it me?
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head just wanna crawl into my bed and throw away the I led but I wont let it die, I wont let it die, It's over.
I'm stuck with writing songs just to forget, what they really were about, and these words are bring me so deeply intent I don't think I can take my way out.
I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of what I'll miss.