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Name: Kalin
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Unhappy The world sucks so much sometimes - May 11th 2012, 05:43 PM

I know this is the suicidal and depression thread thing but im not suicidal... Let me start by saying that. Just depressed as all hell and really could use some friendly words/advice.

This whole ordeal started last year in July. I was dating this girl for 2.5 years which is a long time for a 18 year old. Loved her to death and would do almost anything for her. Our relationship i would say was good. We were fairly intimate and that is possibly what has made this harder but the summary is that i took her to New Zealand. We went for 2 weeks where we visited my family members who still live over there and we basically went to alot of the big towns in the north and south island... The problems started after that. 6 days after returning from NZ she asks me to meet her at a shopping center/mall where she tells me that she needs a break "because i resemble her father" (an abusive tyrant). Some reason i didn't stand up for myself but knew she was lying through her teeth. After that 2 minute meeting we walked off in our separate ways, i found the following day she was no longer in a relationship (according to face book) and then we started messaging VIA facebook where she just slammed me continually. Eventually I had enough and i fought back and well, im sure you get the picture... It was a messy breakup.

The slanderous messages continued for about 2-3 months and then i decided i had enough and basically said i dont want to talk to her. That was November. That was also the last time i heard from her until recently. One of our mutual friends kept hounding me that she wanted to talk. I got her number from my friend and we eventually talked. She came out very fast with the fact that she still loved me and even asked a couple of times if i would ever get back together with her. To much had happened whilst nothing had happened and i was to full of pride so i said how it wouldn't be possible. Truth being that i never really got over her and still care deeply for this girl. All i did was put up a wall and blocked her out of my mind. Its now May and i tell you what it sucks so much. Our highly frequent texts slowed down although we actually met each other twice. I was rather uncomfortable for it under the circumstances but monday just gone she posted on facebook she is in a relationship... I feel absolutely gutted. The hell i was put through as of july now all came back because i had to deal with this and had torn down the walls letting her back in. I dont open to people easily an i really need to move on but its so fucking hard (appoligise for language).

Ive made it worse and i know that but im not sure if ive made it worse for the better of for the worse if that makes sense. See, today i met up with her as i told her i needed to talk. We met up and i told her that I cant be friends with her. I've told her how i feel and that i still look at her as her boyfriend because when you think about it, even though it has been a long time the last time i really was around her i was her boyfriend and explained to her that i was slipping into the horrible depression that i came out of from last year.

I dont know if what i did was right. A friend who has been consoling me told me i was an idiot as she would prioritise friendship over feelings anyday and i think thats something i could learn from however there is no point in my mindset to being around her if she causes such stong emotions. Im jealous. I can admit that. She has a new boyfriend and that burns me. She told me that since last month her telling me she loves me he has helped her get over that. That kind of stings but tells me alot and im just so damn confused/upset. Ive lost a lot of sleep. Since leaving school i dont have all the friends i use to as we have moved on and i dont get out much as it is. Im craving companionship yet scared to do anything for rejection and even though im interested in someone else now i cant do anything as im now having to get over her again. All my friends tell me how she was poison to me and how bad she was as a girlfriend. I never saw this. This is also coming from mutual friends. Im afraid ive lost her forever and yet i couldn't bare to be in the friendship zone as well as know that there is no way we could go back to a functioning relationship. What kicks me the most is the selflessness i showed to her and how i opened up for the first time to someone and got treated the way i did. The final reason she gave me for the break/break up wasn't that bad either. It was something words could have resolved. All this has happened over something so trivial!

I really need some kind words of wisdom.
   
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Re: The world sucks so much sometimes - May 12th 2012, 05:09 PM

Could a moderator move this to relationships for me? I thought it would be more appropriate in depression as thats what i have been going through but it would be better in the relationship archive i see. Could really use some advice though.
   
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