I'm stick of this mask

[Astéri]

I'm sick of wearing this mask everyday. You know the happy smiley one that you have to put on just to please the people around you. I asked one of the boys in my class the other day what he thought of me and he said I'm really smiley and always happy. This almost made me cry because I'm so so SO use to putting this mask on and I just want to get rid of it because I'm so sad inside and I want someone to notice. I know it sounds attention seeking but it's not a sin. When my parents separated last year my whole life was turned upside down. I know it happened quite a while ago but I'm still broken and breaking. My friends had a massive argument last week and no body noticed I was crying in the bathroom for most the day because they sounded like my parents. And then the mask goes on. The happy one. Like nothing has happened. Then when I go home my mum tells me that she filed the divorce papers. No one knows. No one really cares. I feel so lonely. But I'm afraid that if I take this mask off that people are gonna judge me for being the little emotional attention seeking sado. I don't want any drama. My whole life is surrounded by drama. I feel so down like I've hit rock bottom. Nothing seems to matter. My grades are going really down, I haven't liked a boy in ages, and I'm losing friends. I try to talk to people about it by they push me away or change subjects quickly so they don't have to be the one who deals with it. I just can't get back up because I'll get pushed down again.

[Telethia]

Hey,

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. It's tough dealing with a separation and keeping on as though your happy, when you're really not. Keeping it inside and letting it build up is certainly not the way to go though, tell people when you feel down. Tell your friends, parents or teachers. Tell someone who you feel you can trust. You deserve to be happy and get support. Just because it happened a little while ago doesn't mean it's not hurting you. You deserve help.

It's not wrong to want someone to give you a little attention, everyone needs it sometimes. Just tell someone that you need them to listen and I bet they will.

If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can always message me. I hope this helped!

[Alext64]

Hey! I hope this message dins you doing better than when you posted yours.
It sounds like you really are a good person to be around, and I can tell from your post just how amazing you are. You really show how much you care about others, and how much you push yourself to keep them smiling even when it gets super hard for you to do so yourself.

I can fully relate to "the mask" that you feel you put on.
The first thing I want you to realize is that although it feels superficial, unreal, in truth it is. The smile is still something amazing, and you should never give it up.
The thing is, that smile should be real within as well - and you definitely deserve that.
You are such a good person. You've been through more than your share.
Your "attention seeking" should not be viewed in the negative - it's a good thing.
A year is not long enough ago to just shrug things off. It will always be within you, and if you don't have whom to talk to about it, then it really builds up. I know what it's like to not to have whom to speak with as well...it hurts.
Things around act as reminders, and that too can really get to you.
You definitely have to have outlets - such as music, or some sort of activities.
More than that you really do have to have whom to talk with.
This is where I disagree a little with Alaska...or maybe am just clarifying what was said - Im not sure. ---- I don't think you should just go around telling your friends and teachers. Your parents maybe...depending really.
Nobody likes to have someone throw all their troubles on them, and it may lead to disruptions in the friendships.
My suggestion is a bit different - if you have a close friend, or a close teacher, definitely talk with them about it. If there is a guidance counselor on campus - even better.
Because these are people who don't let things get in the way of your relationship - they will stick with you and wanna help out no matter what. Others may be hesitant.
I say keep holding onto that mask, but at the same time, take it off for a few individuals.
If you don't feel comfortable talking to anyone - how about a total stranger? Alaska seems very open to talking, and really caring - and I am more than open to speaking. I promise you that I care as if you were my best friend, and will never judge you. I know too well what it's like to be judged and broken down...I could never do that to you.

As a final note, I know things seem like they are falling right now...everything building up one right on top of the other and the pressure is just too much to handle. Maybe that is part of the problem....we can try to take them one by one and work through them.
Like was written above - you are a wonderful person who deserves the best. It's amazing that you have come forth seeking help, and I hope we are able to be there for you.
Give a smile - a real one I hope to hear from you soon!