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lewisgirl Offline
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Exclamation I dont know what to do.. - July 14th 2012, 10:25 AM

An hour ago I got off the phone with my mom (its 5:15am) and I made her cry. I said beyond hurtful things because thats how she does me but thats just because thats how I feel. I feel like making someone else hurt just as much as I do.
I obviously cannot sleep at night. I have nightmares that are so vivid that I am really scared, and during the day I imagine things that still scare me but they arent there.
I used to grab my arms so hard that they look like i cut myself ( I havent done this in months) but thats when Im in a rage fit..which come every now and then...im considering going to make a dr. appt but im scared they'll label me as crazy cause I have attempted suicide before and i cant afford it...im currently enrolling to a university and im homeless (living with a relative for the moment). I want to go to school to be a doctor but i cant do it with the pressure of my family.. i dont know what to do. some advice would be nice. please.
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Re: I dont know what to do.. - July 14th 2012, 06:10 PM


I'm sorry you're feeling this way at the minute, I truly am. I want you to know that regardless of how you might feel, you aren't alone, and you never will be.

Everyone says things sometimes to hurt others because they themselves are hurting. I'll certainly raise my hand and admit to such a thing. A lot of the time, if we bottle up our true feelings too much, they all come rushing out when we're upset or angry and that can cause a lot of problems. Right now there isn't a lot you can do to fix the situation- I think the best thing to do is just to let your Mom calm down, then phone her up and apologise. Explain that you were hurting and you took these feelings out on her. If she has made you hurt by doing a certain thing, explain that to her. People aren't mind readers, and what we sometimes assume is a hurtful comment may not have been intended that way.

I think seeking help from a doctor would be a brilliant idea. There may be a reason why you're seeing these things, and a doctor will be able to get to the root of this problem and find a solution. Whether that involves therapy or medication only they will be able to tell. A doctor won't think you're "crazy" for attempting suicide. They'll want to help you.

If your family is pressurizing you, I think the best thing to do is sit and talk to them openly and honestly. Tell them what you want to do, and come to a solution with them. It's your life, and it's up to you to live it.

Also, congratulations on being months cut free! That's a big achievement and you should be very proud of yourself!

I'm always here if you ever want to talk to anyone, okay?

Take as long as you need.
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Re: I dont know what to do.. - July 14th 2012, 11:53 PM


I completely agree with Jezza on this.
Everyone says things that they don't mean when they are hurting from time to time, I too am guilty and I'm sure anyone you ask is guilty as well.
I would wait a few days and then call your mom and tell her that you are sorry, and that you didn't mean to lash out, but you are going through some things and you reacted badly.
If she hurt your feelings, I would explain to her about how she hurt you, and try to talk things out calmly!

Also, there is NOTHING wrong with getting help! I'm sure that if the university ever did find out, they'd be glad that you sought help for something rather than bottling it up, anyways. But I think it will work out.
I would make an appointment with my doctor and talk about these bad dreams, and how they are really affecting you.
You guys will come to a solution together, and they won't think you are "crazy". They will just want to help you, like Jezza said.

And about your family, I agree, talk openly and honestly with them and make sure that you don't "blame" them... because then right away they will feel like you are just criticizing them. But try to tell them your concerns in a calm manner, and be open to feedback as well! It might be good for everyone to let things get out in the open so that you can start fresh.

It's AWESOME that you have been cut free! You should be so proud. I'm so happy for you.

I hope that everything works out for you. I'm only a message away!


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