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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Pooppy Offline
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Name: Sofía
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Location: Bariloche, Argentina.

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Join Date: July 18th 2012

I feel empty. - July 18th 2012, 05:17 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well, here's the thing. This afternoon I tried to commit suicide. I swallowed 3 boxes of Atenolol (A cardiac drug) and posted my "goodbye" on Tumblr.
The people there freaked out and sent me a lot of messages begging me to keep fighting. Then, I got scared (like in the past 3 tries of suicide) and threw up the pills. After that, I rang a doctor and anonymously I asked him if there will be any kind of collateral effect. He told me that everything's going to be alright, so I relaxed.

Yesterday I made the promise of not cutting myself for 100 days and I'm going to sustain it, but I can't find another thing to relief the pain. Well, the fact of relief the pain isn't my problem...

My problem here is the fact that I'm starting to feel empty. After my last intent of suicide I decided to get recovery by my own (I don't trust in the psyquiatric medicine). I don't want to cut, I don't want to kill myself but I don't want to live neither.

I feel hopeless and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think that I just need a hug, but I've panic attacks when people touch me and thats makes difficult all my relationships.

So, basically I hate to live but I don't want to die. It's weird.

(I know I suck when I have to talk about my emotions, more if I'm speaking a idiom that isn't my mother language. Forgive me. If you want to know something else, don't doubt on ask me)


It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness.
We have no scar to show for happiness.
We learn so little from peace.

Last edited by Pooppy; July 18th 2012 at 07:05 AM.
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Re: I feel empty. - July 18th 2012, 04:36 PM

Hey Sofía,

First of all, I want to welcome you to TeenHelp! I'm glad you managed to find your way to us. We're all here to help you get through tough times, so don't ever feel alone, okay? <3

Right, about the suicide attempt. I still think it would be best to check in with a doctor and have him look you over, just to be safe. I'm not familiar with that drug, so I'm uncertain of the affects it could potentially have on your body, and on top of that I'm not a doctor- so I can't help you out medical wise. What I can do is offer my support, and give you a person to talk to. Like I mentioned above, you aren't alone.

I know you said you aren't too keen on the idea of counselling, but I will strongly advise you to consider it. I know how difficult it can be to reach out, and that's why I'm proud of you for reaching out to us. You may however need to have a plan set in place to keep you safe. You deserve to be happy, although you may need a little help in achieving that.

The self harm. 100 days is a big goal, so you need to be careful not to overwhelm yourself. Baby steps. We have a list of alternatives here that you can check out. Everytime you get the urge to hurt yourself, do one of the distractions or alternatives until the urge passes- which it will.

What I would advise you to do is surround yourself in positivity. Songs, people, activities- anything that makes you feel all happy and smiley, do it. On good days, write in a recovery journal, so that on bad days you can look back and see that your recovery is possible.

Keep your chin up. You're a strong and brave girl, and you can make it through this <3



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