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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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Camisado Offline
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Guilty - July 20th 2012, 11:43 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I feel so guilty for being depressed and suicidal. I read a facebook status boy who was in hospital and it was the last thing he wanted to do before he died. He had cancer and knew he was dying, on top of all that both of his parents had died. He talked about how to be grateful for life and to stop wasting it away on hating yourself, this made me feel so guilty- this boy had lived through this and carried on knowing he would die yet im prepared to throw my life away. I feel guilty for being depressed and just wish he could have my life instead of dying- he didnt deserve it. I know my life is being wasted and while im secretly congratulating myself for getting through each day I should really be doing something worthwhile and making the most of it. I know I should be grateful and would give anything to stop feeling this way, its just while this is completely unfair he had a motivation- friends to pull him through whereas I dont.. Im so sorry for being so selfish I know im a horrible person. I just wondered if anyone out there knows what else there is to live for when friebds and family arent part of the solution? I feel so bad, I shouldnt be thinking of myself in this its just reading his status gave me a conscience and need to live so im just looking for help- where ever it can be found? And motivation of some sort to keep me going.


If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
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Re: Guilty - July 21st 2012, 12:57 AM

The one thing I always tell myself when I don't think anyone else is there for me, is that I have myself to live for. It might not seem to much, but you shouldn't give up on yourself. You don't know what the future holds for you, you could grow up to become someone even more amazing than you are right now.

You're young, enjoy it while you can. I regret wasting my younger teen years doing nothing but sitting at home in front of my computer or TV. Find some new friends, make plans, ask for family if you can have a day all together doing something fun. Like going swimming or just renting a movie and watching it all together.

There is always another way out, even when you don't think you can see the light in all the darkness. It is there, you are just going in the wrong direction. Turn around, you'll see the light. Turn your life around and just do something, anything. Go for a walk, sit outside, help out with dinner. Anything that can get you moving and doing something. Stay positive and just focus on the fact that you are doing something that is good for you. Because you are special and loved by someone, it might not seem like it but you are.
   
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Re: Guilty - July 21st 2012, 01:21 AM

You've already acknowledged that being depressed and suicidal is not a good reason. And it means you're not a horrible person. What you've gone through- depression- is a tough thing and congratulating yourself for getting through the day is fine. Every needs someone to support them and the best supporter is yourself.

You've already found motivation to turn your life around. Him. Ementine's right, your life's not over, it's only beginning. Go out in the world and explore. If you have any passions or ambitions, pursue them. You don't need to go all out and big. Take small steps. If that boy's story touched your heart so much, live for him and for anyone else whose unfortunate enough to not see the goodness in life or in a person. Perhaps you could think that, that boy died at a young age, to know the meaning of life and what it is to be grateful, so that he could post that message on Facebook for you to see and change your life. Perhaps he died so that he could give you a second chance at your life.

Your time is definitely not up. You do not have to live for those you already know- friends, family. Live for yourself. To find your motivation, is a motivation in itself.
T


I know it's time to move on and let go... but I can't. I'm just... Stuck.in.time

   
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