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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
PurpleMoon Offline
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Name: Billie
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Starting To Suck - July 28th 2012, 12:08 AM

Everything is being to suck again.

I guess Iím just not comfortable in my self at the moment.

Its hard to explain. I havenít self harmed in about 4-6 weeks which I am very proud of the only reason I did it was because I was very nervous about my interview I was also worried that I wasnít going to get in but I did.

I guess I feel like Iím not going anywhere, a lot of people my age has relationships, jobs and other thing. I go out with friends a lot more now something I didnít do as much and I do enjoy going out with them but I just feel in the way I guess which doesnít help. I feel like Iím kinda intruding on there days. They say Iím not but I cant help but feel that way which sucks.

It also suck the fact that I want to be in a relationship but Iím to nervous to meet anyone new. I know Iím not pretty, and when Iím in a relationship I kinda run always which doesnít help.

I also donít know what to do anymore. I donít particularly like my life now, everyone said that when you get older everything becomes harder. Why do I want to live I life I donít enjoy. Iím not saying Iím going to do anything about this feeling Iím saying if my doctor told me tomorrow that I was going to die it would bother me to much.

I think to much and put myself in a sulk which doesnít help. I guess not self harming also has its issues and I cant talk to my mum about it because her answer is go speak to your doctor. I donít want to because they seem like there very judgmental there and I donít like it. Iíve have also asked my mum to change them but she hasnít and I cant on my own.

I hope things look up soonÖ..

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

Memento mori - Remember you must die

Memento Vivere - Remember to live

Carpe diem - Seize the Day

ďMan cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.Ē -Andre Gide
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Everglow. Offline
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Re: Starting To Suck - July 28th 2012, 02:59 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry you're not enjoying life too much right now. You're not alone though. I think a lot of people go through what you're feeling at the moment, and it might help to know that it doesn't have to be permanent. There are ways you can overcome this, and you're totally capable of doing just that.

First of all, well done on being SH free for so long. It's an amazing achievement and you definitely deserve to feel proud of yourself for that. Keep it up! You've shown it's possible to beat the bad thoughts, so just keep fighting them. It gets easier.

I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming you're young. Having a relationship at a young age is not the biggest of worries. I myself am 17 and have never been with anyone. It's not a big deal. You have plenty of time to find someone and fall in love and be with someone. Don't let the fact that other people are doing that before you get in the way of you being happy. The same is true about the jobs. Finding jobs is terribly hard at the moment, and chances are a lot of people struggle to find them. If you want a job, try handing out CVs or e-mailing places to see if they have any positions available, perhaps a few nights a week or something. This could be a good way to help you meet some people and gain experience in something, which of course is great for you.

It's great you're going out more these days. I can understand how you feel though, I too feel that way sometimes. Perhaps you could arrange something to do. That way you know that the people who come are there because YOU invited them, which means you're not intruding on THEIR day. Try doing something simple, like going out to the park. Take a football or something and have a kick around. Try to keep yourself and everyone else occupied so that you don't feel the way you usually do. Chances are you're not getting in the way and they're actually having fun with you being there. When you're out, just try to remind yourself that you deserve to be there and that they're your friends - they want you there!

Meeting people new is really tricky for a lot of people, you're not alone there. It's not impossible though. It can be really scary to get yourself out there and meet people, especially when you're looking for a relationship, but one thing that I've found is that if you go out looking for a potential other, you'll find it takes a lot longer to actually find this person. It could be much more effective to meet people, and let what happens, happen. Try joining some clubs, either at school or around your area. I understand this can be scary, but if you join clubs for things you're interested in, it actually gives you a topic of conversation, and of course, you already have something in common with the other members! Try going out of your comfort zone briefly and initiating a conversation with someone you wouldn't usually talk to. Friendships come from meeting people, who are sometimes not the usual person you'd associate yourself with. It's worth a shot, right? And then if relationships happen, they happen. It's not about how pretty you are (although I'm sure you're beautiful anyway), it's about the connection you and the other person have. If it's there, and it becomes something, then awesome! If not, then there's so many more years ahead of you to find it.

Why hasn't your mum changed doctors? Perhaps it would be helpful if you explained why you don't feel comfortable going to see the one you have already. Often parents don't understand the severity of a problem if it isn't explained to them, especially when it;s something serious that they'd rather their child not go through. Perhaps you could write her a letter and explain that you feel they will judge you, and that you'd be more comfortable if, in some way, you could talk to someone else. Either way, it's not a doctors job to judge you. They have to be professional, and chances are they will be. It's better to speak to someone and get the help, than be forever afraid of it and do this alone, that's my logic.

I hope this has helped a bit. You can over come this if you keep fighting. Don't find reasons to give up, find reasons to carry on. They're the important ones. It's so easy to see the negatives in every situation, but try looking for the positives once in a while. Life can be pretty beautiful if you look behind all the ugly you notice.

Keep fighting, and take care,

❤ Nana ❤

As far as we can discern,
the sole purpose of human existence
is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.
- Carl Jung

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