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Depression and Suicide If you or a loved one is feeling depressed or suicidal, you are not alone. Talk with other users about your feelings here.

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lmk Offline
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might as well get this off my chest first - July 28th 2012, 04:31 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I have a solid plan. I have 1 bottle of regular advil, 1 bottle of advil pm, to shut down my organs. 1 bottle of morphine to put me to sleep. 1 bottle of zantac to keep me from vomiting it up. And a bottle of alchohol really make my body unable to fight and live. I dont really want to die. I have dreams and plans for the future.I want to go to the UK and study acting, or go to medical school and become a surgeon, or become a journalist and travel the world. But I am a victim of depression. There is a chemical imbalance in my brain, a shortage of the hormones that make me happy. And because of that I sit in my room every night hating every part of myself and my past. Thinking about all the problems the world has, and how much I hate people. Because of that I sit in my room every night and come up with ways to end my life. My grandfather had the same problem. He suffered from depression his entire life. He tried every drug and therapy available, tried so hard to overcome his disease, but he couldnt. So he shot himself in the head when he was 40 years old. I have tried to overcome my disease to, but without success. My body just isent strong enough to fight it. So I am going to die just like my grandfather. My family has no idea I want to kill myself. I told them I was depressed and they told me, in an attempt to comfort themselves more then me, that I was just being a teenager. I told them I had an eating disorder, and they didnt say anything. Just tried to pretend I hadnt said that. So Im not going to bother telling them. I probably wont kill myself tonight. As much as I want to right now I know I can wait it out. I really dont want to kill myself. Honestly I dont. But I know that sometime (probably soon) my depression is going to win out over my desire to live and I wont be able to stop myself. I really wish it wasnt like this. I wish there was something I could do. But there is no cure. My grandfather proved that. So all I can do is prolong my life as much as possible by creating distractions for myself. And maybe if I pray hard enough a cure will be found.
   
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Re: might as well get this off my chest first - July 28th 2012, 05:21 AM

There is actually a very possible cure for you, it would depend entirely on the state you live in though. Medical Marijuana is abused quite often but in your case I see potential benefits through heavily regulated use. An edible a day or a few puffs from a vaporizer would elate your mood and completely take care of your eating disorder (guaranteed). The next time you see your doctor please discuss this with him, I cannot bear to see a girl so youthful contemplate suicide. So much of your life is ahead of you, push on and know you have the support of everyone in this forum.


False hope is no better than dire truth.
   
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Re: might as well get this off my chest first - July 28th 2012, 05:49 AM

Where I live its illegal unfortunately
   
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Re: might as well get this off my chest first - July 28th 2012, 06:12 AM

That's a shame, in time that may change but no matter. Your other option will require quite a lot of effort on your part, take up something like biking, swimming, whatever, as long as its outdoors. Continue with it daily and do your best to gather insight from either your own parents or friends/family about depression. When you see yourself from another's perspective it can change quite a bit of your mindset. I have suffered alone for nearing 4 years now with off and on depression, anxiety, and anger issues. Never have I gone to a therapist nor doctor concerning this, because it is in actuality not necessary. Ask yourself why it is you're so depressed, did you cause the problems in the world? Will causing your own suffering time and time again solve any of them? Be grateful for what you do have, a solid family, a home and a secure life. I can only dream of such things, and plenty of others are rifling through trash cans to earn enough money for another smoke or brew to get them through the day. You've made it through 16 grueling years of life, build onto that and never stop chasing your dreams. My heart is with you


False hope is no better than dire truth.
   
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Re: might as well get this off my chest first - July 28th 2012, 06:33 AM

I get regular exercise and get outside since ive heard that can help but it doesnt. I have a lot of trust issues so I dont have any friends I can talk to about this and theres a lot of problems with depression in my family so its taboo in my house and i cant talk to my anyone in my family about it. I honestly believe I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. My life is not perfect and I have issues but i dont think enough for me to want to end my life so i think im clinically depressed. I am grateful i have a home but i dont have a solid family my dad is a recovering alcoholic and my mom has been depressed for most of her life. I was neglected and emotionally abused as a child. My parents constantly fight and i think they might cheat on each other. Pretty much my whole family (not just immediate, my grandparents, aunts and uncles, and everyone) is fucked up and have terrible relationships with each other. So yes I am grateful for the things I have but its hard not to get upset by my dysfunctional family.
   
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