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Nikki123 Offline
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Unhappy Don't know how much longer I can take this - August 2nd 2012, 05:07 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of death or grieving, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Lately everything's just been falling apart. I've been incredibly stressed out and freaking out about various life situations and future situations and I recently suffered the straw that just completely broke the camel's back. My boyfriend recently broke up with me and all throughout the entire relationship, I've been afraid that he was cheating on me and just putting me second in everything in his life, but I fell in love with him. And when he left me, everything from all the stress of life and past terrors he and I experienced just all came crashing down at once. I can't help but be full of anger and complete sadness and wondering if I'm even worth being loved. I wish I could find someone that will make me happy or have a group of friends that I can actually trust (because he cheated on me with some of my friends and dated a few of them in between our relationship break-ups). I honestly don't think there's much of a reason for me to even be alive anymore. Even if it weren't for the fact that all of my friends are terrible or that I have a crappy ex, my family is constantly pressuring me to act a certain way and be a certain type of girl. My father is a pastor, so of course I feel like I'm always under a microscope and I can absolutely never get away with anything or do anything right. I think that I will never find a man (or anyone for that matter) that will actually be able to truly love me for who I am and won't be thinking of someone else all the while.. I'm constantly second best in everything, being a friend, a best friend, an artist, a girlfriend, a sister... Who on earth would even care if I decided to ram my car int a tree at 100 MPH?? My family might grieve for a while, but they'll get over it. It's not like I have someone in love with me that will never adjust.. Every reason that I think of to not kill myself already has something to go against it..
   
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Re: Don't know how much longer I can take this - August 2nd 2012, 05:51 AM

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now. Your family WOULD care if something happened to you, I have lost to suicide and the pain never completely goes away. Just because this guy broke up with you doesn't mean you'll never find someone, I know it may feel like that now, but it doesn't mean that and if he was cheating on you he apparently wasn't as great a guy as you deserve and you are absolutely worth being loved. As far as being second best at everything, your best is all anyone can ask of you, there will always be someone worse at things than you are.


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Re: Don't know how much longer I can take this - August 5th 2012, 04:59 AM

This a random little quote I saw written on a bathroom stall in my highschool:

"Girls, no boy is worth your tears,
And if he is, he won't make you cry."

Let him go. If he was being a cheat and a dirty player, he's not worth a second thought. I know that's easy to say for me, but you actually fell in love with him. It may take a while to let him go. Take it one day at a time. You'll get there.

Don't kill yourself over a bad boyfriend...and a demanding family. Maybe they tell you you're always second-best; that's why you have to prove them wrong. Be the best! Go be happy and successful in life! Prove them wrong! If you kill yourself you always will be the "second-best." it's not worth ending your life over!

You CAN do this!

Prayin' for you!
- Collies R Us aka Ally


"Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the LORD your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you." (Deut. 31:6 NRSV of the Bible)
   
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