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Anonimous Offline
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Depressed maybe? - August 14th 2012, 06:16 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey people,

Sorry to bother you with this but idk what to do.
I was severly depressed when i was 13.5 years till my 15 years. I cut myself and attempted suicide twice. Well that doesn't hurt me so much anymore i think. I think i have let that go. Im 17 now. But i cured my depression by smoking a lot of weed until now.

10 days ago i decided i was stable enough to try stopping with smoking weed, And i did that till this day. I had much trouble sleeping. Some nights i didn't sleep at all. Sleeping is going better now although i go to sleep about 4 am 4:30 am every night. I hoped stopping with smoking weed would make me more social, It did the opposite. I'm sitting in my room alone all day because my smoker friends are smoking and my non-smoking friends hang out with other non-smokers who i dislike.

I'm starting to feel depressed and realize i won't become any more social then i already was. And i ain't social. I am certain i will never be able to get a girlfriend because i'm not really a nice guy. I'm kinda quiet and a bit weird. Most conversations with girls don't go smooth. I can get along with boys though, maybe because i know i can just smash their faces in if i can't get along with words. But this up-coming depression is different. My depression a few years ago just made me cry a lot and go crazy but now i just feel numb. I feel nothing, No sadness no happiness no hope no fear. I just don't care anymore, And i feel like my friends stopped caring about me too. I was fine before i stopped smoking but now i am numb.

I'm thinking about starting with smoking again before this depression gets out of hand. I'm not scared about commiting suicide i just want it to go right and i don't wanna traumatize anyone like train operators or innocent bystanders. And you guys should know that it is hard to do that. I just want to be normal and have a girlfriend and have feelings, Otherwise i don't see the point in living.

If anyone reads this whole thing of even just a part, Thanks a lot.
I just want some advice on what to do..

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Chuuya Offline
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Re: Depressed maybe? - August 14th 2012, 10:58 PM

Hey there,

First of all, don't be sorry, you're not bothering anyone! It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, but ten days of not smoking is a great achievement, and you should be really happy about that, I know it's discouraging to mess up, but it happens to everyone. When people are trying to kick a bad habit, self harm, smoking, drinking, drugs, anything really, most of the time people relapse. You just have to learn from it and try your best to pick yourself back up again, and try try again.

Sometimes making new friends, or trying to get in with a certain crowd can be really tough, trust me I know, I'm not a very social person at all, but we HAVE to keep trying, because we will eventually find friends who like us for who we are. You have to put a lot of effort into it, and you can't give up just because it doesn't seem like no one will like you, because someone will. All of your flaws, and what you like and how you act, that's what makes you unique, and you shouldn't have to change who you are just to please people. I do think that stopping smoking is a good idea, because it is a bad habit, and if you want to make some friends, go and talk to people, be polite and nice and make conversation. The worst that can happen, is they don't want to be friends, so you move on and try to find someone else.

You're seventeen, and you have PLENTY of time to find a girlfriend. I know it's not something we want to hear, because hey, having that special someone would be amazing, and I know because, I've never had anyone either. I may be a girl but I do know what it feels like. You have to talk to people, like I said earlier, and get to know a few girls, become friends, and eventually you will find someone. It might not be now, or while your in high school. Let's face it, the people in our high school can be really immature, and you don't have to stick with someone from your high school.

As for kicking the smoking, try some alternatives, you can do a hobby, go for a run, talk to someone, waste some time on the internet, watch funny cat videos or something that you think might help. Here's a list of alternatives that you can look at that might help as well, It's a list of self harm alternatives, but it can be used to help with other things as well! Here you go: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/ Just try out a few and see if any of them help, and don't get discouraged if the first few don't help, just keep trying!

I really hope that I helped a bit, and I am really sorry that I wrote so much, but if you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to message me Good luck and take care!

"You'll have to decide for yourself. Walk on your own. Move forward. You've got a strong pair of legs, Rose. You should get up and use them."
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