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Exclamation i want to quit everything even life - August 18th 2012, 04:41 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

my mom. we use to be bestfriends, my number one supporter, the one i could always talk to, but the last 4 months that all changed, we dont ever talk only when we need something, and just recently we had a big fight. it was about how i feel she loves my brother more, which i do. i know its silly and may soud stupid but i mean the little things she does for him doesnt compare for me. when he wants to go the mall she gives him money but when i want money its the same old thing " i hope you have money" . my brother is 17 and has no job no license no money no girlfriend no sports doesnt want to go to college just crashed my mothers car but yet he still gets everything ?! i am everything she says she could want for in a daughter, 4.0 gpa leadership jv teams my freshmen year, honors classes, miss teen city, homecoming princess, class president, and i manage to do evrything i put my mind to. anywaaaaaaaays we were arguing over the fact that she treats us opposite. since then its been hard to talk to both my parents because my dad took her side and point of view. i dont tell my mom any of my personal life anymore, not boyfriends school, sports nothing, i dont want her involved in my life anymore and i cant turn to my dad becasue hell just agree with her like always. idk where im going with this but i want it alll to stop. the arguments the lonliness feeling the name calling even my life. i have been thinking of ways to yeah um ya know . man this is hard for me to say but kill myself. everytime i think for too long or too hard i scare myself and do something. idk what to do. its hard to talk to her because itll just end up to another unnecessary argument. i just want everything to stop...
   
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Re: i want to quit everything even life - August 18th 2012, 05:08 AM

Hey,I was going through the exact same thing with my mom,she would make me do all the work around the house,my sisters chores,yell at me for stuff I didn't do even when I did them.
Just talk to her,when i talked to my mom,I found out it was because of my religion change,and she got to know that it wasn't bad at all.
Arguing dose nothing,just ask her to sit down with you,let her know that your upset.


Believe the tunnel can end, believe your body can mend.
Yea I know you could make it through cause I believe in you.
---"GO";Boys like Girls.
   
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Re: i want to quit everything even life - August 18th 2012, 05:51 AM

Don't feel that way sweetie. Your not someone's second place. I know how
you feel though. Here lemme tell you my story and I'll tell you how I got
through it. Maybe you'll find some hope seeing someone else going through
the same thing.

I'm 17 as well, I have a license, a job, a car, everything you need at this
age. I also have two other siblings, a sister who is 11 and a brother who
is 8. For the longest of time I felt my mother loved my siblings more than
me, and it was true. She did love them more than me because I was that
unwanted child. My mother had me at 19, she was stupid and ignorant at
that age as most teenagers are. She always went out to the bars and
got drunk. She married a man named Shane, he was pure evil I tell ya.
When my mother left the house at night with her friends this man would
pull me out of bed by my hair and force me to stand on my head by a
computer desk for hours on end. I was only about 7 at the time, I couldnt
talk to my mother. For she wasn't ever home, and when I tried to tell her
she told me to stop lying. Patches of hair would go missing from my head
when he pulled me out of my room. She thought I was just being a child
and pulling my hair out. One day I was at my grandparents, my gran being
my gran asked why so much hair is missing. I was too afraid to tell her; I
was scared he would find out and hurt me some more. But I needed
someone to talk to, needed to let it go. So I did, I told her about Shane, I
told her about what he would do to me when ma left. I begged her not to
tell my mom for she might not listen. My grandmother didn't tell my mom,
but she did tell my dad. My father is ex military, served over seas, he still
is an intelligence specialist for the military. Honestly; my father is not one
to mess with. He went over to our house one night when mom was gone,
he watches through the terrible window blinds as Shane yanked me out of
bed. Which is when he busted down the front door, gun in hand and told
that evil man to let me go. Cops were called and all this other crap. Now
Shane is doing 40 to life in jail, with a 50 million dollar bail,
and no possible probation.

My mother felt terrible for all the things I went through as a child. She
still feels bad, but here's the kicker. Even though for the longest of time
didn't love me as much as my siblings it was because she didn't want to
put them through the childhood I had. She was so focused on making
sure what happened to me didn't happen to them. Which is where the love
thing came in; I would and still do have to do everything around the house.
I am not the daughter my mother always wanted. She wanted a city girl;
a girl who loved shopping, clothes, heels, make up, manicures, massages
for no reason, fancy cars and all that other stuff. I turned out to follow my
dads footsteps; horses, farming, ranching, fishing, hunting, barrel racin, all
the things a redneck would do. My sister however turned out to be the
city girl my mother wanted, which added to the less love for me more for
her.

How I got over it was I took her out for some tea at a small cafè down the
street, we had our tea and I told her flat out what was on my mind. I told
her "Mom; after 17 years I have felt for a while that you care more about
my siblings than me. Why is this?" She told me because of how my
childhood went she didn't want my siblings to go through it, also how I
turned out to be. Another main reason she was distant was because I am
atheist and my family is major christians. She appologized after I told her
how I felt, and she told me she never stopped loving me. She also told
me we'd do more things together, now my mom goes horseback riding with
me, comes to my rodeo's, watches me break horses, makes me food when
I'm starving, takes care of me when I'm sick. Everything a mother should
do for their child.

My advice is to take your mom somewhere private; out to the park, a cafè,
somewhere your brother and father aren't around. You need to tell her in a
calm manner how you feel she doesn't love you as much as your brother.
Show you, don't tell her, give her examples of how you feel this way.
Your brother asks for money, she gives it to him. You ask for money, and
she denies you. But most importantly, before you start "ranting" you need
to inform her that you would like her to listen all the way and not interrupt.

Your parents should support you one hundred and ten percent of your life,
everything you do your parents should support you. If you want to be a
redneck like me, your parents shouldn't say anything but back you up on
your choice. Which is something you might want to talk to them about as
well.

Hang in there love, you'll see a change soon.

P.S if you read this entire thing, I applaud you. (:




   
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Re: i want to quit everything even life - August 18th 2012, 08:49 PM

I know how you feel with everything. I have been there and I still am. But the best thing you can do is stay strong not just for everyone you love but mainly for yourself.


My wrist have cuts and scars, and they tell my story and who i am.
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