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cynefin Offline

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Did you ever feel like this? - September 4th 2012, 02:49 AM

I have a story on here like everyone else does. None of our stories are over. I cut, burn, bruise, sprain and break bones, I starve. It's odd to me. I don't remember NOT feeling depressed or having my anxiety bother me. If I was ever 'happy,' it's because I was hiding it. My cutting became so routine, it was routine as in brushing your teeth everyday. After a while, I didn't even think it was wrong. Everyone wants to be normal, but what is normal anyway? Cutting became my normal. Now that I'm on medication and trying to get better, I'm beginning to question myself. Do I want to get better? I've been so used to coping like this that I don't know if I'm ready to let go. Whenever I get upset, or get a panic attack, I go for that blade. I'm not ready to let go, I don't think I'm ready to get better. Does that make any sense, do any of you feel this way?

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Re: Did you ever feel like this? - September 4th 2012, 03:07 AM

It makes sense and I guess you could say that I feel that way. I'm sorry for what you are going through, but it's nice that you know you should get better. It may be hard now, but sooner or later you might like the process of getting better so you'd like that routine more. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you.

~I was always scared of everything, even the carousel.~

~Don't worry about me. I'm sort of feeling fine, but by tomorrow, I'll be back on my feet again.~

-Goodnight Tonight
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